bgm: 十分钟的恋爱 200期了，我的小乌托邦、垃圾堆、我的小破播客！谢谢你们陪我一同成长，你们的每一条评论我都有看！ 博主小红书：没有毛孔 02:22 Let's start! 04:29 人人渴望高能量 05:42 每天的任务量是不均衡的，第二天不像前天那么容易了 Today's task is totally different than yesterday so I should start that a different attitude. 06:01 改变懒驴推磨的状态，要快刀斩乱麻 How can we stop the condition of being a lazy donkey and grinding the mill everyday.（懒驴推磨） * 06:49 关键点一：状态！状态！状态 Set a good condition. 不要油头不要熬夜，用一个清爽清醒的身体去迎接挑战。 07:26 I stay up late I find my body will be oily ener tired tired so first is to keep yourself energetic for the physical body. And second. * 07:42 关键点二：心态！心态！心态！ Set a good mindset. You should look for the postive perspective like you should grasp what you have presently and remaining calm and composed yourself. 08:16 我对自己的成果不满意，得不到及时反馈 I'm not satisfied about my outcome so it's easy to give up if I got this mindset it's negative but. The better one the better ways to boost morale. 而录制这期的时候是下午一点半，我拥有的其实远比我失去的要多得多！ 09:46 急功近利，看不到投入产出比就跳脚 You find my mindage just collapsed because I didn't see the input and output ratio. So I'm really eager for a more quicker success. * 10:07 关键点三：扔掉你的phone! 做一个现充 Throw away your telephone and all the electronic devices and do live charge I mean return to your real life return to your daily life. 10:53 充斥的是过载的垃圾讯息，制造的是必然而不必要的焦虑 11:50 我从喜欢的博主的高能量vlog中获得的启发 12:59 在她成为一个美国留子之后，她的生活重启了 Came to her life a brand new life a brand new lifestyle and she's standing in the new decision the new crossing so everything was new and for her she she became as an new as a new international student. So sending the new stage of her life she got new enthusiasm. 13:32 反思为什么我失去了从前的激情？如何找回从前的每一次打鸡血的状态 Just looking back to myself, why I lose all my passion is because I was really longing for my new achievements but when I really calm down to do something I find it's not easy. 14:03 美化了道路，弱化了阻力。成功的路上荆棘丛生，一蹴而就是异想天开 14:21 用最快的速度找回你的初心和激情，然后用最短的事情了结最痛苦的任务。 So the right way is to get you enthusiasm and try your best to finish your task in the shortest time because trust me if you didn't finish it at the right time or the quickest time that means it definitely will become harder and more difficult for you to do after that.

bgm：Time of Our Life Topic: Functionality 01:32 Start. 02:56 1. 蚊帐 Mosquito net 起因：蚊子包、噪音。 烦躁、影响睡眠。Be agitated, affect sleep. 满头大汗，退货很累（Sweating, returning goods is exhausting.） 蚊帐高度并不合适、而且只有一个开口。使用起来没有那么方便。但同时刚需（ the essential needs）是满足的，能继续用。功用性。（functionality） 04:12 2. 尴尬会传染！ 取蚊帐快递的时候遇到“半生不熟”的同学。 恋综里的女嘉宾同样也散发出尴尬的气场。 想象大法帮助简历自信。如重大考试时，想象自己喜欢的博主会怎么做。 只要你不尴尬，尴尬的就是别人。 06:53 I would use a trick like imagination so imagine yourself as someone you love as someone is confident we also help yourself build up your confidence. 09:28 So we should look at the problem from another perspective from a morere active perspective like me are read I studied one day for six to seven hours it still um. You know if you compare to others you find others could learn more than ten hours but there's no end on this competition there's no end on comparison and you should focus more on. Your own accomplishment on your own temple. 10:03 3. 专注于已经完成的事情。专注你的功用性（functionality） 换一个积极的角度来看问题。 6-7个小时的学习时长已经很好了。 目前我已完成的考研任务有 5-6套真题、过完主要的专业书等。这些任务不是凭空自己会完成的，也是需要我投入时间成本的。导向自己关注已完成的成就与进步，重视自己的价值。 So sixty seven hours a day is already very good. And also everyday or gradually I will add on this time and i should focus on is my project it's what I have done is not the time it's not the length of your study time. 10:22 昨天夜跑3公里。不和专业跑马运动员比较，我只是一个业余爱好者，而跑完3公里后不吃力的状态与今早上秤有1公斤的掉秤都是我进步的证明。 And moreover yesterday I ran three kilometres. It's easier than the past so I can find there's one development But if I compete myself with a professional ones with a professional Marathon runners I'will find this still a lot GAP between us I'm an amateur (业余爱好者） just a lover about running Stay relaxed and also help you to go deeper to grow further. 11:54 掉秤 Nearly one kilogram. 12:56 鼓励自己将重心转移到已完成的事，耐心度过平台期、姨妈期储水等人生中所有的过渡期和瓶颈期。 13:244. 两天后要去上海新书分享会却没有时间看书，与此同时开题报告还没有选题和任何推进。时间在缩短，如果我只关注没完成的任务我会更加焦虑。因此要转移专注点。 After two days I will I will go to Shanghai to meet my favorite influencer . I don't have time to prepare for it 13:57 5. 哄自己，把自己当男朋友/女朋友一样哄，越是遇到挑战越是要疼爱自己。 What I should do to reflect on my functionality reflect on my accomplish what I have learned in the past The trick that is to comfort yourself to teach to treat yourself as if you were an a a confident. 14:39 as if you were your your boyfriend your girlfriend you should comfort yourself you should care for yourself and you make yourself happy when you met challenge 15:05 像渔网、蚊帐一样抓大放小！ At your accomplishment and let go of the minor once you should just to take yourself as a net as the mosquito net or maybe the fishing net and to build your confidence.

bgm：半句再见-孙燕姿 00:23 Preview 00:52 稀碎的、极度不充足的睡眠 my sleepy is not so good and you know why you have an inadequate sleep that means you can never be so efficient. 01:40 The first the trigger is my sleep or why it is so fragmented 03:15 睡前当然要亲密陪伴我的手机？ 04:18 被蚊子骚扰至凌晨两点半 I was really troubled by the buzzing of mosquitoes. 05:59 放了好几个播客还没睡着 06:56 第二天买了个全包围蚊帐 07:15 日程上的小事情能助我稳定生活秩序不受外界干扰 07:28 Is that I find the trivial tasks make up the order of my day that means I need this trial task I need some of my routines that everyday day I need I could do it's like I need to water the flowers I need to read I need to run and I need to write something 07:53 没有这些事情我的生活会找不到定点 Let myself dive into the I dive into the study I mean sometimes if I feel really tired I will let myself off the track and let myself be disordered I don't want this happened so I need this trivial task I need that to you know just to start my day 08:18 至少我能完成这些事，我的生活没有破碎，一切，至少这些在我的掌控之中，而我，还有价值 but this time these little things just can confirm that you're life that you're valued. 08:38 友谊 09:12 有反馈真好 10:07 我们都心知肚明，我们都惧怕阶段性和渐行渐远 Because of the space we can't see each other frequently as now we can never be so frequently touch each other chat with each other and also sent our letters to each other 手写信真好，邮件真好，文字真好，有反馈真好 我将考研以外的事情推到一边，不再在水产市场上售卖实体物品 I recline every trading except for the electronic materials in the second hand market. It's quite time consuming and also energy-consuming. 开题报告开始催了But my teacher is urge me to choose the topic for the opening report 每一个最后一年同时要备考考研的学生都要经历的why can't school just to post this task for a while but also I realize that it is also the common problem that everyone uh for the final. 13:20 因为睡眠不足，亡羊补牢，晚上才开始学的昨天 13:54 相信自己，持之以恒 The most important is not to give up we have ourselves doubt and we have our anxiety but one thing is more important that is never give up you need to continue you need to take one thing by another one by one and you need to give your yourself everyone you need to push yourself urge yourself 14:23 大多数人没有智商上的鸿沟，只看谁能更好地沉住气扎进去 More importantly is to encourage yourself is to believe in yourself you have the time you have your energy and you have the ability we dont have a really huge GAP about our intelligence so the only problem is whether you can manage every time

bgm：蜕变 00:25 本期超级混乱，超多话题想分享，无逻辑，乱聊 01:35 话题一：老生常谈的性别议题 1. 男女生体力的差距 （strength gap） 跑步前在我旁边的男生可以以丑陋夸张不科学的跑步姿势（running posture）和呼吸频率（breathing rate）轻松的超过我。 而我却要花费更大的力气（ exert even greater effort ），超越我能力的局限才能达到他的步频与步幅（beyond my limit to reach the stride）。 不公平，不对等。我单纯充满了对该性别基因优势的羡慕。 但作为男生同样也有其需要受到的压力。（pressures that need to be endured） 身高。（height） 06:46 情感释放。（emotional release） Mostly the girls will suffer more from the emotion from one relationship from. One break up and ah in most of the time it is applicable it is ah it makes sense. 2. 男女生在恋爱中的需求不同 “低成本low cost”“保留式reserved” 搭子文化，利益关系 胆小的timid 08:35 话题二：我与某男生的冰释前嫌（My reconciliation with a certain boy）（院校报录比admission ratio） 10:49 我给今天过生日的朋友准备礼物email 我的交往观的改变 11:52 话题三：我在交易市场上的卑微状态（My humble status） 现实里耀武扬威，网络上唯唯诺诺。 In reality, they show off their power and authority, but on the Internet, they are submissive and timid. 我和椅子的故事 快递员deliveryman30分钟迟到 3个快递站express delivery stations 都说无法包装（packaged） 以体积计算（calculated by volume） 30元快递费（express delivery fee） 亏本买卖 半天的浪费 直到现在无法回到状态 但同时某交易市场也在悄悄改变着我的消费观（my consumption view） 15:29 长期主义、不随潮流Long-termism and not following the trend 话题四：失控就像坐滑梯一样容易 今早的装修I woke up with the noise about renovation. 连锁反应（没跑步）

bgm：Ling Ling-黑裙子 00:29 Topic: Virtue 01:35 偏离道德/失德的事情屡见不鲜 Nowadays also there are some problems we could see from the news a lot of bad news that something deviated from virtue. 01:52 最近在读《如何从敌人身上获益》，我想在考研复习之余，利用我的休息时间，探出更多的视角，保持开阔而持续的思考。 Recently I read the book named how to benefit from the enemy. I also want myself in addition to relaxation I also want myself to learn something or maybe just to Switch my perspectives and to learn from other new and broader perspective. 02:42 如果能抢到预约或许我会在几天后再去一次SH，但我会速去速回，毕竟节奏最好还是不要被破坏比较好 And by the way if I can you know if I can secure a reservation for her new book I will have another chance to go to Shanghai to attend the new book sharing session but if I can get this time I will go in a hurry and then come backck in a hurry because you know I have a very t schedule and I don't want my table to be changed to be disrupted. 03:21 济州岛旅行的确是让我一时陷入迷茫和焦虑了，昨天逼着自己好好睡，果然，今早拥有了全新的精神百倍的状态（从而使我能有时间和心情录这期播客） Uh I used to be very anxious when I came back from my Jeju island trip but yesterday I push myself to sleep well to sleep earlier... 04:40 今天做真题发现自己的量变真的引起了质变，可喜可贺。也更有信心面对接下来的备考 Today I did have a a a real test questions for my major and I found that. 05:04 网课老师也是这么过来的，每一个考研的人都是要从不懂到懂，从不熟悉到熟悉。这是一条漆黑而漫长的路，你要做自己的明灯。 And today I also learned some online courses and in the online course the teacher also gave me some inspiration and encouragement. 05:47 From not understanding to understanding and from not remembering to remembering well. 06:14 周围人在攀比中内耗时，我反而能冷静地像个心理咨询师 I found my so I found it I tried to um learn some other things from others like my roommates or my other friends I found that people surround me also will'have some a challenge 07:43 So my roommate she tend to fall into a comparative mentality. 07:51 She will consume her internal energy and caused anxiety in the process of competition 08:42 如今我能跳脱出来，及时地分析问题、解决问题 when I have the same mentality as my roommates what I will do is immediately console myself so I will tend to act as a psychological counselor instead I find myself can standing in a more calm perspective than others or maybe because I'm the outsiders so I can see the problem more clearly. 09:31 乐观积极的心态 And now I also Switch my mind that it is better to think more positive. 09:58 I become more self-consistent （自洽）I mean I can accept all my food all my failure I can accept and I can understand myself better 10:35 事实上我变得更加强大了，更能抵御挑战和风险，自我开解和救赎 I just grabs the ability to deal with myself to deal with old mentality Drag myself from all the darkness and if I have some anxiety I just have another solution to deal with that 小红书：没有毛孔（欢迎视奸我的备考生活）

（欢迎关注我的📕：没有毛孔） 在上期播客里，我说要逼促着自己在痛苦中找到快乐，然而在将痛苦转换为快乐的过程中，我们非常容易形成的一个心态就是浮躁。三天打鱼两天晒网。 1. 花了两个小时整理书桌之后再也学不进去的我，就是一个失败者吗？ 首先，我们要摒弃失败者的心态。不要自我打压，也不要给自己消极暗示。持续长久的自信心应该是在一次一次的成功中而不是在失败与打压中获得的。 2. 可持续学习，持之以恒才是我们需要也最难追求的。两天10小时加的学习不如真正养成一个习惯。还是以我最熟悉的减肥为例。在过去那么多次的失败的减肥之中，很大的一个原因是我太看重数据了。比如说我的目标是50千克以下，那么如果第二天体重离这个还差很远，我就得不到及时的正向反馈。我很容易把自己定义成前一天的努力是白费的，这也就很容易让我丧失热情和信心继续下去。平台期就是这样让许多人卡在半路上。 3. 我们必须善解人意，同时也善解自己。不要让自己对休息感到焦虑。人不是机器该休息的时候就要休息。 4. 比如说今天我给自己像前几天一样背了很多的资料到图书馆。群众的书包让我无意识地暗示自己今天完成许多的任务，无形之中给自己增加了很多压力。这会导致我没办法更加轻松高效的专心在我的学习上。 5. 现在还没到晚上七点，一天还没过去，剩下的时间仍然可以好好利用。

Bgm: 自醒-犬舍乐队 欢迎评论交流~ * 00:26 近期高频率更新播客的原因 * 01:27 为什么痛苦是快乐的源泉 the pain is the source of happiness not really contradictory * 01:37 没睡好但硬起床的今天 I didn't rest very well but I still urge myself to get up * 02:18 超预期的圆满完成任务的今天 At this present time I'have almost finished every work of the day. That means today's efficiency is'really high. * 02:57 但并不意味着我全程和老黄牛一样勤勤恳恳、任劳任怨 * 02:59 无数次想放弃不干了但都被我自己的鞭子甩回来了，悬崖勒马，我是一个擅长自我pua的高手。就跟跑800一样，你会自然产生无数个想放弃的念头。 There are thousands of times that I want to give up just like if you are competing with your other classmates in a lap in a a sport competition that must be thousand of time that you want to give up if the distance is really long you must have experienced that. 03:44 悬崖勒马 As if I was on cliff（悬崖）you know several times I just urge myself okay go back to your track and it's just like pushing myself to keep going on like a whip（鞭子） like a horse running and I also must be the master of this horse. * 04:19 带到图书馆的所有书和练习都按照计划地完成了，然后晚餐就吃自制奶粉泡燕麦的人怎么样呢 * 05:07 事实证明我之前的计划确实是超过了能力和不切实际 So I don't need to blame on myself so so much if I didn't achieve that girl because until now when I was really productive I still can't finish everything of them so there was something need to be revised. * 05:52 而当你真正到达目标，野心会和熊熊烈火一样蔓延 There must be something crazier. If you're really productive today you're really energetic and so proud of yourself what you're going to do it's not just to stop or relax. 06:39 You'LL have a really stronger desire to move further. 06:52 像极了高中内卷把明天作业也做了的心态 So that is very much like the mentality like your ideas of the high school students * 07:59 考研给我的生活带来了秩序感 the sense of order, 秩序感 the postgraduate entrance examination has made my life more orderly. * 08:22 奶粉泡燕麦做晚餐后，我更关注精神的满足 I only had my homemade milk powder with old meal. And I care more about my mentality, something spiritual. * 08:54 提高自信的唯一途径——用事实说话，用好的结果证实自己的能力 up to now I still haven't shaken off all the mindset 我依旧没有完全摆脱不安、不自信 但当我看到今日战果，自信是无需多言油然而生的。你无需和一个考第一名的人说不要自卑。 But a good outcome is the best and the only way to build my confidence. * 10:18 继续设条条框框，高要求地鞭策自己下去吧 Keep that high demand and high standard and keep keep myself living in the pain and also happiness I find pain is the source of happiness * 10:37 物质条件优越的人会有更高更深更难解决的烦恼 with good financial support will have another trouble and maybe that trouble is more hard to to be solved. 11:05 xhs上加了一起备考的搭子 * 12:26 搭子的崩溃心态我再熟悉不过 I'm very familiar with his mindet. * 12:29 但这一次我会像一条没脱缰但是有着脱缰的速度的野马一样发疯似的向前奔跑 But this time, I'm going to run far away from that I re want myself to make a difference and I'm going to cast off all the burdens on my shoulders I'm going to be more arrogant and more confident and finally. 改头换面，重获新生 I think it's time for me to be completely changed or transformed.

今天这期播客，我将深刻剖析自己在复习阶段出现分心和焦虑的原因，如果你也和我一样无法专注或者总是拖延，甚至是抗拒开始的话，也许这期播客可以给你一些启发。 1. 任务与能力的不适配mismatch。长时间得不到正反馈，单个目标过于繁重，以至于3-4小时过去了to do list上没有打勾的痕迹，身体自动开始形成抗拒机制resistance。 对以上这一点，目前我想到的方式是1.分解目标 2.不断鼓励自己其实任务很困难，暗示自己已经很棒了 2. 厌学的好学生？东亚孩子的共同困局 the East Asia Dilemma。 我的小学和高中都分别有一次非常强烈抗拒上学的经历。被植根的唯一的成功的指标——只有成绩好才能有好的未来。 如今的网红经济已经推翻了唯学历论，学历是添砖加瓦，但不是唯一。 韩剧《善意的竞争》 Friendly Rivalry残忍揭示了东亚共同困局。唯成绩论下滋养的嫉妒攀比的邪恶的花。我们无法接受不努力不上进自己。唯有成绩才能宽慰自己，才能证明自己。 3. 健康饮食与锻炼是为了获得更高阶的快乐。延迟满足delayed gratification的魅力。最近我开始吃原始自然的食物以及增加运动。运动给我带来了秩序感，而反复节食只会带来紊乱的代谢与浮躁心理。 4. 更深层的原因——我其实根本不相信自己。 跨考的那一刻就不断地提醒自己是跨专业，担心自己做不到已经学了四年的同专业考生。这种对自己的不信任会一直缠绕着我，导致我学习效率低，无法专心。

bgm：不褪色的梦-犬舍乐队 大家好，今天回到学校了，仍然被懒惰的惯性拖着走，想录这期播客，唤起自己的决心和动力，也希望能给和我一样的朋友们一些启示。 如果你也想爬出来的话，势必要推自己一把，用意志力换掌控感和配德感。 00:35 我们任自己沉沦在懒惰中，自欺欺人地说服自己相信明天一切都会变好 Maybe many of you have the same feeling as me that we were cocooned we were wrapped with all the laziness and we want to break up with it we want to find a perfect or a better ourselves. 可是内心比谁都清楚没有行动一切都是空谈 However, you cannot cheat yourself because in the most darkest part of your heart you have already known what has happened and you know that all the changes cannot just come overnight so we have to take actions. 01:59 最直接的方法是狠狠“骂”自己一通 To pour the cold water on ourselves that is to scold（责骂） ourselves. 03:20 别再对自己心软，你必须救自己于水火之中，你必须严厉！ So we should not keep gentle on ourselves we need to be more serious and we need to drag ourselves from all of the difficulties and pain. 03:39 《独树不成林》关于锻炼的一期播客给我的启发 You need to make use of your willpower to let it control your body control your action. 04:14 掌控感 fetch the initiative in your life 夺回生活的主动权 that is to be the master of your life. However most of us will find we gradually lose our confidence we gradually lose all the enthusiasm 04:51 相比过多的理性思考，你需要的是行动。我们太清楚什么是正确的了 you don't need a lot of logics 05:43 回溯我过去自信的时期——小学、大二 What is the time when you feel you're really confident and good. High spirited and vigorous 意气风发as before. 06:31 旅游结束后是更大的阻力，再次回到原来的节奏变得更困难了 And I find I can't control a concentrate again on my work when especially when I went back from a trip. And it's also the lesson is also the infernal or purgatory（炼狱）or we can say just the challenge of every person like me if you want to pass the exam to get a high degree everyone needs to experience this. 07:58 复盘与坚持 晚上复盘At the end of the day you need to reflect on yourself how many things you have made about your plan. 坚持是最困难的 At the first two or the first week we'LL find it easy to push ourselves more however when it passed like the the two weeks. 09:05 走出舒适的环境，不要再被懒惰因子裹挟自己 at least you should make step of your dorm you should get out of your bed. So when it has already become a habit you you shouldn't let it let it just. Going in vain you shouldn't let it go back to the past. 11:06 昨天给姐姐庆生。“我讨厌没有自控力的人” the sense of guilty我感到心虚 11:45 我总是忧心忡忡却什么都不做 Worried about my figure worry about my weight to worry about the final result of my exam. So I can't manage my life and sometimes I just let myself lie down on the sofa 自暴自弃、破罐破摔 13:08 “如果你不让你的上限决定你是谁，那你的下限会帮助你决定你是谁”（from《独树不成林》） If you can't manage yourself in a higher at the top of your limits then you'LL see what is the lowest of your limit. 13:41 我希望所有人都能有骂自己的魄力和决心 I hope everyone will have the courage to scold themselves. To pour the cold water on themselves and also it is a way to bring themselves back to reality. 14:11 Only then we'LL see a mature, strong and ambitious ourselves back.

本期是和ai的对谈，后来对话逐渐离题所以就暂停了，可能有些累赘混乱，见谅～ 昨天晚上导师突然给我打电话，我告诉她我想要换专业考研的想法，他说这个专业就业并不容易，同时我跨考难度很大。 这通电话并没动摇我跨考的决心，但同时从济州岛回来之后也的确好多天没学习了，我有些心虚。姐姐这边要出差，狗勾需要照顾，我得延迟返校。总之没法像计划的一样马上投入学习的确是让我有些焦虑和负罪感，因此录了这期播客，想再次重振信心。

00:25 济州岛之旅在即，但还没来得及开心就开始焦虑了 00:49 我有把大目标拆成小目标I have caught my big goals into several sections. 饮食是失控的信号when I tell you that I ATE a lot of that means I lose control 03:01 I mean it's really tough if I'm preparing for this issue is I'm if I'm keep preparing for this and I know I have to f against it I know I have to survival in this hardship 转专业让我“落后”了一年，不得不陷入同伴攀比，陷入落差带来焦虑。我还在逃避。 it's also so special for me I Switch my major you have to spend one more year about this university learning and that means I have to spend five years 04:55 我时常会想到自己“脱轨”的事实 I can't the results now and I become a little worried for that. Uh that strengthen my pressure ah is something is one course and also I find myself losing control that also strengthen my pressure because I realize the mission will not be decreased only then if you really finish it so I should become more. And also I care about my body I care about the figure I care about um the weight 05:54 我太容易急躁、焦虑、紧张、患得患失了 And I find myself I really easy to be nervous a nervous about my study but also nervous about saying saying hi to others you know that's a big step for me if I'm going to say hello to others. 06:23 So I can't relax myself. 06:26 I I keep being stressed every day all the time. 07:24 而我也想学会从容地社交啊 And also I'will observe my classmates around me. Like there'are some people. They're really relaxed I can sense it. And you're not feel really a stressful if you're talking with these guys 08:25 他们能很轻易、很大方地展现自己，而我总是忸怩地躲在阴影里 Me I would just like they'shining right they're outgoing but me are the person who always standing in the shade or standing in the blackdrop backdrop yes I realize that so I can't be so easy when I chatting with these guys I just envy.

本期录制于2026年7月8日，在结束了4小时图书馆学习后，本人在寝室录制下了这些“不正确”的话，内容从考研时无法专心的状态到body shame和“恶的力量”。 *主观占比大，谨慎收听。 1. Oily hair and skin sucks. 油腻的头发让人无法专注，洗头周期与昨日的高油饮食加剧了油脂的分泌。 2. It largely affects my feeling./ advice from my fav influencer./ The importance of adjusting yourself to a refreshed state. 此处不想鼓吹任何的body shame但的确健康饮食和轻盈的身体对我来说是我专注的必要条件。而浮肿沉重的身躯只会让我跌倒自我厌弃中 3. watching the image from the mirror/ ubiquitous phenomenon（girls care too much about appearance and others‘ judgement） 美美去卫生间照镜子的时候都会有一种更深更强烈的自我厌恶，回到座位上无法好好学习。与其油光满面强迫自己像个不闻天下事的读书人，不如回寝室洗头洗澡以更加舒适清爽的方式回到学习。 更高的要求除了带来焦虑以外，还可以作为我自律的原动力。我们大可以利用它，而不是永远自我审判、自欺欺人的自我压抑。 4. Study becomes the most primal thing. 考研和高考还不太一样。高中我们的目标只有一个，打扮自己的方式也没有很多，且这不是一种值得表扬的事情，打扮最多仅限于穿一双某匡新帆布鞋。我和我身边的同学们也都清楚认识这一点，恪守着不成文的准则前进。但到了大学，专注的成本变高了许多，新的化妆品和最新潮流趋势让我们不得不互相攀比，盲目的、可怕的、洪水般的攀比。 5. Losing weight is my lifelong journey and lesson. Prepping and managing my body are what I have to strike a balance with. Sometimes body shame is my inner power. These negative feelings are longer and stronger than dogmatic beliefs. 恶的力量是更强大更持久的，相比那些教条的积极的信仰，“负面”情绪与欲望能让人走得更远，body shame 也可以成为你健康生活走向自律的助推器。在Jeju之旅逐渐临近之际，我再次萌生了减肥想法，第一千一百八十次减肥，这一想法在我昨天尴尬地看着自己是如何心酸挤进新衣服的时候指数爆炸增长。镜子真是一个可怕的东西。 如果我真的无法和解，那么解救我走出自我厌恶的唯一途径，就是made it，就是达到。