1. 我的确每天都给自己设置了任务——超量的任务，以让自己保持动力与紧张感，“有效率”地度过一天（*productive/efficient有效率） 与惰性斗争fight against your nature/inertia惰性 2. 前几天甚至连午餐也不吃了skipped my lunch/ no strong desire to eat but only focus on my mission 3. the end of an exhausting day is to work more（破窗效应、高效的一天会越想突破、or破罐破摔） 4. 今早开启一天可以减少焦虑，延长你的工作时间。Start earlier is to prolong your day. Morning means less pressure. 5. 意外：去图书馆，眼镜先“中道崩殂”accident happened/ glasses broke electro mobile/electric scooter eyeglass/eyeglass lens镜片（the lens is broken镜片碎了 get a new pair 会有意外源源不断打乱你的计划 6. 如果你真的很想做一件事，那么没有什么可以阻挡你。问题的关键就是看你有多想。

本期录制于2025年六月的最后一天晚上十点。我刚结束5千米的慢跑。我逼着自己强身健体，逼着自己学习，这是好事，在我尚年轻、面前还有很多岔路口可以选择时，我应该严格的，我必须严格。 *喷麦较多，在车流旁边可能有点吵，请见谅！ （我的舍友a也暑期留校了，她留1周，所以我没法灵活地录播客，不过我会挤出时间的！不必担心。） 1. 计划让我心里有底。在姐姐们的督促下我终于制定了一个相对rough的复习计划。这很重要，我终于可以清晰地看到自己的短板，看到我离岸的距离。我也知道该往什么地方努力了，心里也更好受一些。不能像浮萍一样生活，真的。尤其是你的目标是那么明确、高远。 2. 姐姐说真正的知识是免费的。与其纠结报不报溢价的补习班，不如利用一切免费的能利用的资源，把书啃好，把基础打稳。跨考真的有很多要补的。今天是正式准备的第六天左右，好消息是，我明显感受到自己的进步了，同时，远方，好像也并不是那么遥不可及。说到底考研就是比谁有毅力执行，谁的学习方法更科学。 3. 昨晚睡得不是很好，我尽量让自己早睡早起。去图书馆做了真题，边做边研究，加深了我对书本的印象。今天学了大概6小时，还学了政治，过了一些英语红宝书，同时也在多邻国。慢慢前进。时间嘛，挤挤总是有的！ 4. 旅行。差不多十天之后我要去济州岛旅行。这真的很奢侈，时间和心态上都很奢侈。对于一个跨考的考研人，不过我不认为这是time- consuming，我觉得我需要我值得我能够承担这场旅行带来的复习停滞。这是一次长跑，只要我能及时回到轨道，这绝对不是浪费时间。 5. 臆想，用虚荣心鞭策自己。今早我起床的动力非常有意思，我大脑里突然冒出来一些旧同学。跟着我会设想一些场景，想着再次见到一些我过去的同学时，我希望自己是一个自信的、发光的、带着好结果的我，因此，是时候起床了。 少些浮躁，像个钟表一样工作吧，求求了！

好久不见大家，最近对一切都失去了兴致，但考研在即，属于我的关键时刻在即，继续放任自己“没状态”在模糊的目标里只会加深罪恶感和越来越不上进。我还是想向上走的，所以看到自己“发烂”“暗淡”下去是不能坐视不管的，我们必须自救，在没兴致和不断的自己骗自己的日子里。 本期播客主要包括三方面内容。 1.昨天讲座上曾经器重我的老师无言地拍了我的肩膀，因为当时我正在玩微信小程序游戏…我感到很抱歉和脸红，因为如果我真的觉得在讲座上无所得那么我应该做的是是刷考研经验贴、看考研专业书、或者背单词。玩游戏即不尊重，也不会缓解焦虑。我让他失望的同时也让我自己失望。我不知道，但当时只想让自己下坠。我会不定期地想要自暴自弃破罐子破摔，且清醒地知道这不可取。 2.加纳友人前阵子邀请我，说要在校外的一家餐厅给我庆生，一起吃晚饭。我既欣喜意外于他记得我的生日，又不知如何应对。最终还是拒绝了，当时我的期末考试还没有结束，我也没有状态赴约，我知道他很友好，但我还是觉得仅仅见了两次的我们会极有可能陷入尴尬。而尴尬是我最怕的。 3.不管怎么样昨天仍然是我正式准备考研的第一天，做了些简历作业和学习了一些之后，晚上躺在床上测起塔罗来。我不是一个非常相信塔罗的人，但说是放松也好，我觉得我更希望有一个明确的、从他人口中传出来的声音可以提醒我，给我一些启示。塔罗说我总是差临门一脚，最近无法专心。没错，我总是在最要全力以赴的一刻泄气，好像害怕付诸一切冲向终点的自己，总是无法努力到大考前夕。同时，我转换了我的考研院校和专业，上外没有我特别喜欢的专业，文学补课我实在功底太弱了很没自信。现在想考的是ecnu的汉语国际教育，跨考，但我想我喜欢也适合。 好久没录真的是明显表达能力大滑坡，不过放心吧，暑期留校备考的我会坚持更新，周期不定，但我不会放弃。

好久没录，口语和表达能力必然大幅下降的同时，表示我这段时间的状态也必然和死鱼一样一蹶不振。 之前骂骂咧咧壮志豪情告诉所有人“我要考研”的我今天又摇摆了。姐姐们不停的问我到底想做什么，告诉我考b考g做老师是多么安稳待遇好多少人求之不得的工作。可我知道自己没能力也不喜欢，被实习中学的老师骂了之后，我每一次问自己，得到的答案都是我不要，我不想，我不能。 今天去sisu的官网查考研科目要求、去学校的官网查保研名额，后又开始不自信了。原因是我好心虚。我根本就没有付诸行动。我的作业很多，真的没有时间吗？怎么可能 最近家里在商量搬家的事，老幺的我无法做出任何有效决策，我自己也本能逃离了所有讨论。并不是因为事不关己，而是我没有能力参与讨论，我的观点是不成熟的，我看到自己的无用，只能让自己陷在学业焦虑，陷在个人的水深火热中，继续做靠爸妈养的本科生，或者研究生，如果幸运的话。 不过就算这一切我暂时或者永远都找不到答案，我想我也是得让自己动起来了。快点找到一个状态吧。快点让自己配得上自己的野心。快点去动起来。快点变得健康、积极、元气满满。让我有一定的积累之后我才可以真的自信，我才能做到许多事，才能保护我周围的人。

不知道怎么了最近非常的水逆。本期就是一个啰里八嗦的记录。 1.徐佳莹演唱会晚点、火车晚点或者我晚点、没赶上回学校的车只好改签 2.apple pencil丢了（前阵子airpods丢了） 3.一到学校吃顿饭就赶去高中跟老师讨论第二天的课、一个人改完了平时四个人的量的作业、第二天上课被老师骂（老师突然在后面站起来说“昨天怎么和你说的”）、情绪失控的我在办公室哭然后老师说“你有什么资格哭”… 4.作业还有很多（今天还来姨妈了现在在床上累死还要赶due） 还有什么办法呢？低调做人吧，水逆退退退！

当我还在持续迷茫的时候，我意识到，也许我永远无法找到一个正确的答案。 迷茫的时候要让自己沉下来去做一些具体的事情。每个人都有许多的任务与身不由己，但如果一直让自己陷在“找到正确答案”的状态，即使你找到了答案，也无法保证这是正确的。 没有什么正不正确。我们应该更加耐心，想清楚你最想做的，如果想不到，你可以借鉴别人的经验，但至少要让自己忙起来，闲的久了，这根弦就很难再次绷紧了。 我将再次开始健身，运动是一个clear my mind的好方法，同时也是一个让自己活力满满的长期投资。 也许我还没有答案，但我不想再等了。

本机没有字幕就是随便聊聊，我马上就要出发去高中做见习老师。 对于未来的职业仍然是一个还在犹豫的状态，同时也有许多的任务要完成，也许我们应该再给自己些耐心去沉下心下心来完成吧。 但是我清楚地知道保持一个积极的心态，对人生有多么的重要，只当你保持好的状态才能够更高效的完成事情。

bgm：练习题-江映蓉 00:43 谢谢大家的鼓励，我将继续大口呼吸，拥抱生活 01:24 书接上回，我那褪色的友谊 过去我不愿意制造冲突，可现在我只想保留最真诚的关系 我也已准备好尘封我们的记忆，曾经的美好我不会否认，但离开时也会斩钉截铁 this relationship is about to be covered with the dust我不否认一切美好的过去 I will not deny the beauty in the past 03:35 说再见并不容易，它影响着我的生活，但我不打算修复 it's already impacted my life a lot and I was thinking over and over again even during the morning class 04:08 I will not say that I'm going to make up for this relationship because it's already like a broken vase Last evening he said losing a good friend he didn't think that it will go so easily. 04:45 我不想说是短期陪伴，但我也不认为我选择结束是孩子气的想法 I would not say our relationship is just a short time companionship I don't think my choice to end it is a childish thought 昨晚他问能否加入我的见习小组，这种找我抱团的行为我同样很不欣赏 Can I join your group? 不如陌生人 we are strangers and even worse than strangers 人们总是事后追悔莫及，可当初为何不好好珍惜 people will always feel regret for later but why they didn't cherish it at the moment. 06:19 我与经典阅读老师的双向奔赴 感情的维持是相互的，双向是多么令人欣喜。而回馈本身又是多么的重要和难得。 The maintenance of every relationship is mutual so you need to make some contribution, send your signals to the others and others will decide whether they to accept your invitation or give some feedback to you How delightful it will be if you two send the signals to each other I want to express my thoughts more actively and boldly and this time I finally sat in the front of role how lucky 我想更加主动地、大胆地表达我的想法。 07:29 在过去我一直被分在后排，上课阻力太大，让我觉得很痛苦 07:46 我感受到老师是如何循循善诱，拨云见雾，我豁然开朗。 Most of the time we just closed my ears But today I felt I felt how the teacher had prepared a lesson with great care. It gave me a sense of seeing through the clouds and suddenly something enlightened me. 08:15 我下课后上前表达了我的感谢和欣赏 I just ran up to her and I felt her gentle gaze on me she also expected something. 08:40 双向——而她也说对我上次辩论的精准措词影响深刻 09:00 我们都应该更大胆地表达，会有意想不到的反馈，且一定是正向的 So she found my diction was so precise and really cared about me. It's some mutual exchange of the feelings 09:39 二中见习，高中的空气好甜好青春 energetic highschool students I was still overwhelmed with my deadlines I have so many missions so that's why I feel so sad about my living about the end of vacation and I haven't finished my literature review until now… 11:13 和舍友昨晚走走跑跑，我又活了 I believe everything is gradually getting better and yesterday I went for a run with my roommates we went to the playground we run and we walked. 11:25 最后是关于狗勾 It'really made me feel that I find myself back I'm back to my life. And finally is about my puppy

本期没有字幕。 五一假期逐渐开始倒数，而我把所有的一切搞得一团糟。这好像是我唯一的能力。 我已放弃自我管理许久，我没有像预想的一样完成我的作业，尽管我也不是第一次这样荒废假期了。我甚至没有开始。只要是有关学习的事情，我就丧失了任何专注的能力。与此同时，我在饮食上更是毫无控制可言。我像一只没有自主意识的猪一样贪婪地大块朵颐，我没有写日记，也没有锻炼。我的大腿越来越浮肿，脸上的痘痘越来越多。我破罐破摔，自暴自弃。 是的，我的脑袋里每时每刻都有许多想法，可只要这些想法是向着积极的那一面的，我就永远做不到。 一切积极的东西都与我无关，一切向着阳光的旅程，我都无法开始。只有阴暗的、腐烂的角落适合我。我就适合发烂发臭。 尽管我是多么想表现的游刃有余，但我不得不承认我的回避性依恋人格与情感障碍。我的外向总是暂时的、是不自然的。又或许只是是我最近太萧条，思前想后的什么也没做成，一次次感到失望后堕入自我厌弃的深渊。 可是今天，我这样的没用的活死人却被救赎了。 具体说来，今早我醒得很晚，醒来已经10点，我的狗狗被迫饿着肚子等了我很久才吃上饭。我才发现自己是多么的自私，我感到自责，我发现我一天的所有想法都是围绕着我自己，我在播客上的大部分的录音也是。我想着自己该如何变得越来越好，同时又纵容自己越来越烂。 晚上十一点，我走近狗笼，我发现他好像想出来，于是我把它放出来。我试图做握手的训练，突然，平时一定要抓着手才能完成的握手动作，今天突然奇迹般主动和我握手了。小小软软的手突然伸了出来，我既为他在安慰我而感动，同时又觉得自己以自己的主观意志强加在小家伙上害他有这样的条件反射而感到愧疚。 将近十二点，外头却好像有阳光洒下来。我丑陋扭曲的心被治愈了，我是何能被不计前嫌的可爱的生灵抚慰？我太自私、太渺小。我无法达成自己的目标，我的目标全是功利的。 我定了明早八点半的闹钟，我想要好好珍惜接下来和小狗的相处，好好经营我的生活。我很担心在我走后而我姐没回来的一天里我的小狗会挨饿，（尽管我姐说她会找人来喂），可我好像又必须得回去，上那些也许根本没有意义的课程。 感谢小狗给我的力量，我想我是时候重新出发了。

BGM：太阳-陈绮贞 五一快乐，在沪录制的第一期播客！ 00:13 在路上的时间是可以被允许浪费的 Shanghai is almost my second hometown 频繁去上海只是想放松换个心情this semester I frequently visit to Shanghai to taste the different view 在高铁、火车上的我会更放松on the train or other the transportation I will feel myself at ease 昨天看小红书说在火车上的时候你只需要等待，你的等待是合理的，你的浪费是被允许的，你的目的地一定会到来。yesterday I saw one note on red note are it says why you become so at is ease or become so relaxed is because all you need to do is just to wait and find me you'are sure. That the destination will comeback you could just relaxed and you could waste you could waste your time I don't want that kind of guilty feeling 上周也来上海看演出了，来看犬舍乐队的liveshow，小乐队的好处就是可以轻而易举地离主唱很近... last week I also went to Shanghai you know ii ask for leave just want to go there because there are my my favorite band um it's a small band so there will not be a huge group of people when here and I could I could get really close to the singer 03:31 来上海当狗保姆了，小狗叫Luke 03:36现在还没有跟我完全熟络。It is not ah familiar with me right now we will not have so much guilty feeling 负罪感 正当理由离开？there's no a formal reason for me to leave but I just do that cause I feel I need a rest. 04:38 原来小哥来自的不是戛纳，而是Ghana（非洲一西部国家） 05:38 我总是在寻找契机I cannot not have find a rights reason to make connection with my foreigners and also I'm so shy I don't know but I care so much 开口是多么的不容易，我知道我无需害羞，可是就是难以开口，在乎太多 雅思课给我认识新朋友锻炼口语的机会，同时也让我有机会观察别人，课上有比我更害羞的外国女孩，她的英语其实比我更差，且更不愿意开口she's also a foreigner but I find she's so shy and I also find her English she's even worse than me 我们终于得以加上vx：雅思课上和来自摩洛哥的美女小姐姐的聊天another girl ah I have met her before and she's so friendly, just sat behind me because she she was sick maybe two weeks ago 07:16 她很惊讶于我居然认识tendon这个词，那一刻我才意识到原来我应该对自己更有自信，我知道tendon是肌腱的意思，我也有能力用英语和所有人聊天，我可以做得更好，而不应该是“本可以”做得更好there's something wrong with her tendon and she is so surprised why I know this word tendon. 她会法语英语阿拉伯语和一些西班牙语等 She masters French and Arabic English and a little bit Spanish and also other accent in her country she's from Morocco 她想要旅游，我说我可以当你的搭子she wanted to go travelling I said that maybe I could accompany you 10:08 开口，开口就赢了。不要瞻前顾后， 更不要让自己后悔When it is you know it's just the right time and the only thing is you speak out there's nothing that will ruin your life it's never too late to say something new 11:22 无论是来自摩洛哥的美女还是来自加纳的老大哥，他们都肯定了我的才能，而我又为什么要妄自菲薄？Whether the Morocco girls are the boy wisdom from Ghana I also received both received a good and warm replies from them so why should still disbelief in myself 12:00 有这么一段时间我身心放弃，自暴自弃，放弃了锻炼也放弃了身材管理Give up sometimes both for the physical state and also for the mental state I would waste myself on so many things 我也失去了自信，不再相信自己的潜能I don't have the very confidence to just the tap out to my potential. 12:54 最近在看半熟恋人恋综，想要放松自己，就是没有学习工作的状态 Recently I was spend so many time on you know watching some shows like the dating shows with my friends with my sisters. half-cooked lovers 14:14 破罐破摔的最后会自我厌恶You know you will have this time that you don't want to do anything you don't want to make a conversation with other you dont want to manage your relationship or manage your skin but also youll hate yourself you'LL become hate yourself because you'LL see you became fatter and fatter and you want to see a. A healthy a strong body for you

本期没有bgm没有字幕是临时录的 仔细听有心碎的声音 我不知道为什么我这个人好像永远一直在丢耳机 贵的便宜的别人送的自己买的 总之就一直在丢无线耳机 没有经济独立没有能力给自己买这么贵的airpods 这次把姐姐送的弄丢了觉得很过意不去 去了好几个地方找 刚才又在群里和表白墙问 明明是很小的事情可是却扰乱了我的今天 昨天 前天 大前天 大大大前天 大大大大前天 大大大大大大前天…. 可能还会扰乱我的明天

BGM: Dinosaur(LIVE)-Rami Notice: 本期喷麦较多，建议不要耳机听...orz 00:21Hello guys I finished my IELTS lesson and I think it's a good time for me tease out my mind (梳理) and to share with you EVENT1 MENSTRUAL CRAMP痛经 不常痛经但痛起来真要命，在床上打滚，原因不明，也许是太累，也许是吃了过期吐司……First is my menstrual period I'm already get enough for this...it feels like a nightmare 噩梦 I kept tossing around (*toss and turn翻来覆去)my bed and kept twisting my body I don't know what is a trigger不知道具体原因. At first maybe I I have eaten something wrong maybe my food my toast 吐司they're out of date but I don't know I just have a strong desire to eat something （犯猪瘾）so and also it's the last. Last of toast uh in my storage so I just eat it and when I eat it I didn't feel sick in but I feel lay back my feelings also maybe I am so tired these days so I didn't sleep well and also was I push myself to do a lot of things like exercises jumping and also. 02:21 洗完衣服以后筋疲力尽 全身酸软I tried to finish one thing down like I tried to dry out my clothes my laundry and then I think it's time for me to relax and also it's a little bit late so I think it's not a good time it's not a right time for me to relax 但好像已过最佳午休时间，打算学习却发现根本没有力气 右大腿酸胀ah I can't relax myself at all. 03:37 无法入睡，疼痛难忍，喊舍友给我拿了布洛芬吃了一粒Finally I was so struggling and I asked some of for help...but because of my toughness because of my pain I can'stand it anymore more so I call for my roommate for help I ask her could you help me to bring my medicine in my bookshelf 04:28 全身出汗，失去所有力气All of my body began to sweat so it's really terrible and kept I can't feel any energy I lost all of my energy and I you know it takes a long time for me to get my new pajamas 挣扎着穿睡衣and we're something new and also I use my roommates tower 用舍友的毛巾擦干全是汗的身体to you know to wipe my body to wipe out my sweat I am totally sweaty 到医院后发现医院真的好大啊，每一个科室距离都无比遥远the hospital is so wide when you sick you'LL find the hospital is really huge really wide and you just want to find the places but there's elevator and you have to stay in the elevator with others are patient和其他病人共处一个电梯 06:12我知道我最好戴上口罩 可是我太虚弱了 我顾不上病毒交叉感染Although it is better for you to wear you mask on but you can't understand it anymore吃了舍友的巧克力才能恢复一点点体力 我什么药都没吃 但渐渐恢复了体力，也许是布洛芬起了作用Because it's a rainy die I could not let my sheets stretch/under the songs to get the sunshine 刚好还是个下雨天，被汗浸湿的床单也没法洗555it's it's impossible 07:33 我恢复了食欲I just get my appetite again 疼痛的时候真的想结束生命，这样我就不会再这么痛苦了，但还好我面前没有这个快捷按钮，不然我肯定早就做出了冲动的可怕的决定I just want to stop my life I will have a horrible thought in my mind but it's not a joke I can feel really it's really tough it's really painful and just want to press the stop button and thankfully there's not a stop button or I think I will die I will stop my life 08:20it sounds really childish 小孩子气but I think I just can't stand it and is'really painful and only girls who still have the experience like menstrual cramp would have the same feeling as me只有女孩可以共情我 the only the girls could consonate （错误：应为resonate共情）with me EVENT2 MY GODDESS我追星成功我女神的故事 Now I want to Switch to something better something happier it's about one girl um she's really great and nice and she she's in the same university as me but she has already graduated from this university so and now she's a employer. Her she's one organizer of her company she's one organizer of her company 她现在不仅拿到了名校offer，而且有自己的事业，是一个公司创始人he has her own business and also she got offer from a very famous university overseas so she's my senior 学姐and I really adore her a lot um honest say we'are strangers but not exactly because uh a once listen to her lecture 我去听她在学校里的讲座to share her experience about else she got eight point five score 雅思获得8.5高分的她来分享经验 上周她以毕业生身份又回学校last week things just happened so magical and I got a chance she again she went back as a graduate to give us speech I think maybe it's the last time for me to see this girl So maybe's the best time for me an introverted person to do is to write down my feelings write down my love to her as a letter I don't know she even remember my name! I said could I take a photo with you and ask someone to take a photo with us and also I ask her to write on something write on something inspiring on my paper on my book and she said yes of course 学姐说说她很感动我的信A few days before she even sent some message to me that to send her gratitude