bgm：志明与春娇-孙燕姿 这期很特别，阴阳割昏晓，前半部分是我今天录的，后半部分突然变林妹妹在中秋节自影自怜。 1. 图书馆的黑皮体育生神似tomo，我们有时候会有眼神交流但是停留在陌生人的关系。他真的很努力，也感染了我。还有一个女生今天坐我旁边，她在图书馆边吃零食边工作，特别影响我，每隔几分钟她还要扭动身体站起来。不过我马上提醒自己，嘿嘿，他们都不重要，这些都不能影响我。就像我昨天早上找不到眼镜，我也是马上想应急方案，先搁置，先忽略。专注眼前小小的事儿。 2. 我特意绕远路去了一条可以飙车的道再回寝室。嘴巴哼着耳机里放的歌，一边拧着油门，觉得特别放松自由。 3.刷视频就像吃薯片一样，过了最兴奋的一阵之后，接下来的刺激越来越少，当我意识到快乐阈值越来越高的时候，我会选择停止，去做我该做的事。尽管我是如此抗拒，但是如果不做的话，任务清单一直在那里一动不动。 4. 今天我就是这么一直自我欺骗，我发现背书的任务推动地特别慢，这让我很着急。但是我又马上哄着自己，鼓励自己前进。因为只要我在前进，而别人崩溃停滞，那么就会有人被淘汰。 5. 总的来说最近几天的状态还是不错的，逼着自己进步，看到自己进步，努力维持一种规律的节奏，我继续把晨练放在早上，把记忆性的任务先做一部分，而不是先挑简单的。我不再只是追求任务的完成数量，因为自己是无法骗自己的，自己知道今天努力到几分。

bgm：蓝剔未必是坏习惯 - Kiri T 好久没更新了又，消沉了一阵，欢迎评论交流！ 关键讨论点/金句: * Perfection is a trap. Completion, not perfection, is the only way forward. * We're all struggling. And time, eventually, answers everything. * On rejection: "It stung. It felt like a personal rejection." * The core realization: "All of this... is all microscopic in the grand story of my life." * This noise doesn't get a seat at the table. * We always, always have the power to start again. * Your road to self-redemption starts with the next step you take. 本集提到的内容: * 完美主义对生产力的危害 * 如何应对不公平对待 * 情绪化饮食与如何重建与食物的健康关系 * 在备考压力中如何重新找回专注与动力 * “自救”的核心：将挫折视为生命中的微小片段，并夺回对生活的掌控权 02:45 You're listening to “The Road to Self-Redemption for an English Major.” I'm Monica. And this… is a record of how I find my way back. You might have noticed it's been a minute. Truth is, I went radio silent because I lost the will to share. I was in a hole—the kind where you can't even look yourself in the mirror, let alone hit the record button and pretend you have it all figured out. Confidence? Gone. Motivation? Nowhere to be found. 03:54 The evidence was everywhere. My roommate called me a "hard-boiled egg"—a hilarious but painfully accurate description of my sun-tanned, I've-given-up-on-sunscreen life. My desk was a war zone, my plants were dead, and my life was a cycle of mindless snacking and revenge bedtime procrastination. I was a world away from the driven, optimistic person I was at the start of summer, ready to conquer the grad school entrance exams. 06:54 My self-redemption started with a few brutal realizations. 07:04 First, perfection is a trap. I had to murder my beautiful, detailed, and utterly paralyzing to-do list. When I finally focused on just one single task—not the whole mountain—I accidentally studied for three solid hours. It wasn't pretty, but it was done. Completion, not perfection, is the only way forward. Then, life tested me. I found out my teacher gave out bonuses and skipped me entirely. It stung. It felt like a personal rejection. And my relationship with food? It spiraled. Just today, I stress-ate a giant bowl of Malatang. It felt like a total loss of control. But this is where the "self-redemption" part kicks in. 09:24 Here's the mindset shift that changes everything: 09:34 All of this—the burnout, the rejection, the bad meals, the hard-boiled egg —it's all microscopic in the grand story of my life. In the second half of my 22nd year, on this road to redemption, this noise doesn't get a seat at the table. 10:22 And the most powerful part? We always, always have the power to start again. Yeah, I ate that Malatang today. But the me now is not the me from last year. I've learned about nutrition. I understand my body. I know how to regain control. Over my diet, over my studies, over my life. So if you're listening this, feeling stuck in your own version of this struggle… I need you to hear this: You have the ability to change your story. Whatever bottleneck you're in, tell yourself: this is just a chapter. It is not the whole book. 12:04 Your road to self-redemption starts with the next step you take.

bgm：再见再见 If you had jumped up earlier, you wouldn't have just been passively staring at the ceiling. 01:21 Start 02:20 很早以前我看过一档节目叫做《令人心动的offer》(Irresistible Offer)，里面的一位选手李浩源在面试的时候说，“我觉得天赋是基础，天花板一样的东西，但是你没有努力，一辈子也够不到天花板” A long time ago, I watched a show called Irresistible offer, in which one of the contestants, Li Haoyuan, said during an interview, "I think talent is the foundation, something like a ceiling, but if you don't work hard, you'll never reach the ceiling in your lifetime. 04:19 STORY ONE: 事情没有我想象的那么遭。Things are not as bad as I thought. 我的选题topic selection被老师表扬了。这完全是意外之喜。她说我的选题很新颖，她很期待我最后的产出。听到她的表扬的时候我暗自窃喜，昨天接到组会通知之后我的心脏一直怦怦跳，我发现一旦我收到任务我就会惴惴不安。 06:14 我对自己的选题没自信，受到表扬的第一反应居然是否定。My first reaction when I receive praise is to deny it. 我们太喜欢说“哪里哪里”了，我应该从容接过赞美的，我的自信都去哪里了？I should have taken the praise calmly. Where did all my confidence go? 07:14 预设困难只会让我陷入无意义的焦虑之中。 Assuming difficulties only traps me in pointless anxiety. 07:40 人真的是唯一一个可以不只活在当下的生物，但这不一定是优点。 Human beings are truly the only creatures that can not just live in the present, but this is not necessarily an advantage. 我们总纠结在改变不了的昨天和无法阻止的明天，而忘记了唯一能改变和把握的今天。 We are always entangled in the unchangeable yesterday and the unstoppable tomorrow, while forgetting the only today that can be changed and grasped. 08:43 STORY TWO: 从图书馆出来后，我偶遇了之前的一个朋友。After leaving the library, I happened to run into an old friend of mine. 她和我之前印象里的样子很不一样。曾经我也被她自信的气场给震慑，I was once shocked by her confident aura 09:55 那些我羡慕的自然的、大方的磁场今天全都没了。 All those natural and generous magnetic fields that I envied have vanished today. 10:48 提前的安定的offer除了让你可以没有压力地提前摆烂以外，送不了你去真正想去的地方。An early and stable offer, apart from allowing you to give up in advance without any pressure, won't send you to the place you truly want to go. 你的焦虑不会消失，它们只是被你短暂地隐藏了起来，被你自欺欺人地掩盖然后每天晚上你意识到，你只是拖延了你的焦虑。 11:37 Your anxiety won't disappear. It's just that you temporarily hide it, deceive yourself into covering it up, and then every night you realize that you've merely been delaying your anxiety. 你的郁郁不得志，你的自视清高永远不会释怀。 Your depression is unfulfilled, your self-regard will never let go. 你只能躺着、凝望着过去放弃的那次起跳的机会，那次你明明可以试试自己能跳多高，可你再也回不去了。You can only lie down and gaze at that chance to jump that you gave up in the past. Back then, you could have tried how high you could jump, but you can never go back. 我懂这种感受，这种我不知道自己努力了能去哪可是我放弃努力让我一直耿耿于怀。你无法与自己和解。就像一根刺一样无法介怀。Like a thorn rooted in your heart. 保研的她好像反而“倒反天罡”开始羡慕我，并且我也不知道为什么，除了我以外所有同学都对我非常有自信。On the contrary, she started to envy me after being promoted to graduate school. I didn't know why, but all the other students except me were very confident in me. 虽然说对别人有自信是最不用负责人最轻而易举的事儿，但我也确实该给自己打气，要相信相信的力量。比起永远无法释怀那张我放弃的考卷，不如抓住每一个可以变现的今天，我要大踏步走到我的考场，我要证明这九十天的我值得拿到那张录取通知书。 16:59 刘思远说清华的人只会因为不努力而感到羞耻。我要去够一够天花板，保持远视继续向前。 Liu Siyuan said that people from Tsinghua University would only feel ashamed for not working hard.I'm going to reach the ceiling, keep my vision and move on.

bgm: 노을 - 10cm 00:33 中文唠嗑开场白 03:20 Start！ 04:55 只有想和好的人才会再坐在一张饭桌上沟通，我并没有想要arrange这场“和解”的意思 So the only reason that you you guys sit together and to meet the problem together and then solve it and be friends again it's all based on one thing that you want to be friends. But me I dont wanna go back again so.. 然而开学了燕归巢大学生返校，摩肩擦踵的盛况老熟人们想躲都来不及...It's already in September~~~~~~ 06:41 熟人...最容易视奸...主动或被动 How about we'are just you know it'LL become easier for you if we are just strangers not someone we know for each other 07:07 也不全是竞争，但是熟人就免不了会比较、好奇，但我对任何人不感兴趣、也不想任何人对我好奇 Ah it's not all about competition I think but there it is I think it does exist I have no interest in others'life even though I dislike to SPY on others's life others will also SPY on me 偷感十足地在校园里玩躲猫猫 like a game of hide and seek I dislike this attitude to be honest it's not my sense my vibe but. Okay I have to do this I find that because I just refuse any possibility to see that guy... 08:22 我就是不想尴尬 but I hate the situation and any atmosphere of embarrassment 08:41 小学的时候就简单的多，跟一个人绝交你只需要下战书然后冷战，长大了却窝窝囊囊地在学校当自闭的蘑菇... I think everything comes so public I mean I don't need to hide and it's meaningless for me to hide because we will see each other everyday in your primary school but now you know breaking off your one relationship now. I try to avoid everything and i try to stay myself faraway from some lines from conflict from even meeting. 09:23 但有时候“敬而远之”也许是一种大智慧？ 如果有按钮的话我想一键删除。可没有清空键。 成年人的世界里只有利益、妥协、熟视无睹和尴尬 But perhaps it's a wise it's a wise choice I think maybe it's kind of great wisdom perhaps keeping a respect for keeping a distance it's better for me now 11:09 我不想要知道正确答案，我想就让答案浸泡在一中模糊和暧昧里，我在这种模糊中麻痹自己、继续掩耳盗铃在我的跑道上行进着 just stay everything so ambiguous so I can give myself more room I can send some excuses for myself that maybe that it is not a guy and I can keep running I can do what I what I want to do next 12:47 真相本身反而会打破我好不容易建立起来的平静，我不要面面相觑的尴尬 That will bring a lot of trouble right so I don't want myself to find the exact answer I want myself just to treat everyone as stranger strangers 14:03 可后来我想我凭什么要放弃我的主体性？不相关的人就是不要分配任何你宝贵的时间和精力，最好的做法就是给Y忽略——I DONT CAR 我想去哪里去哪里。 我不在乎任何人。 我只想把一件事干好，别的真的都没那么重要。 I think the more important thing is I need to think about my attitude toward that thing toward that situation I need to build my confidence I need to you know not pretend but to be honest I need to build in the heart that. I don't care so I want myself to build that stronger attitudes you know why should I care about this and why should I give up my own subjectivity主体性.

前几天也想过要录，但是实在是太没有逻辑了。本来想在考研倒计时100天的纪念日里发出一集，但好久没说话了，嘴特笨，实在是受不了自己。今天晚上突然下大雨（直到现在还在暴雨），我撑着小伞从图书馆回到寝室，裤子和鞋子都湿了。洗漱完九点上床，墨迹一小时后大脑皮层也还是亢奋，这期播客就这么天时地利人和的诞生了。 没有bgm，只有一个考研人把最粗糙也最真实的想法说给你听，当然主要是说给她自己听。 录播客的初衷本身就是为了自己，大家听到是缘分，我能收到大家正向的反馈是福分。我珍惜所有的缘分，也感恩所有的福分，但同时也坚定不移地保持自己的初心。 本期主要围绕三个关键词：desire、habit、hardworking。 第一，我现在要做的就是引燃我内心深处的熊熊烈火，引起一场大火。drive（驱动力）和desire远比motivation（动力）更持久。 第二，比起肾上腺素以及励志故事的短期兴奋，我更需要建立一个稳固的习惯，好让我风雨无阻的执行，并且觉得很自然而不那么痛苦。 第三，我意识到我这么做除了功利层面的想获得好成绩、好结果以外，更是因为好奇和期待。我太想看到一个久违了的努力的自我了，太想看到一个不顾一切奔向终点、全力以赴的自我。没错，我就是想看看我能全力以赴到什么样子。 保研推免实习出国，大家都有各自的路。我选择了一条战线长且结果未知的道路。这是一条很多人不敢走到底甚至不敢选择的路。选择本身证明我有很多人没有的勇气。而接下来我即将证明的，是我的努力配得上我的勇气。

bgm：茧Jian-王OK 01:04 本期播客围绕写信后续 01:49 接到电话 02:39 好像我的努力都是打水漂 So I feel really were and also angry about the final bad result I mean I did nothing I try to speak for myself and I did a lot of things I made a lot of efforts but in re word I did not again I did nothing and everything seems to being in vain 03:11 可是这是我的权益 04:19 我突然回忆到有无数个时刻我都是这样无助地向我的姐姐们求助 And I reflect that there's thousands of time that I feel really sad I feel something I can't deal with and at that time I will return to my sister'S. 04:30 I hope they can give me some inspiration they can give me some advice and you know when I just Switch to them for help they'LL give me the instant help. 05:10 可我没办法给他们任何有帮助的建议，我的能力不足 I can't give something back to myshes and sometimes I find. My own efforts is so small. 06:24 我永远在她们的臂弯下长大 07:35 No matter when we grow up or not no matter how big how old were but we're still together 08:06 她们是上天给我打包的最大的礼物 08:32 考研是我当下唯一能把握的最大的回报 Besides of all of them I can still strive for one thing I can still. Hold one thing in my hand that is my effort my effort to pass the exam I need to push myself more because the good results the good news about staying in the same city as my sisters. 09:24 I should push myself harder and I think it's the biggest gift I can give in re word in reward for all the happiness I received in work for all the love from my family.

bgm：随我 01:14 1. 没有晨跑之后，我的生活一发不可收拾地脱轨了。非常熟悉的一连套脱轨。往日积累起来的晨跑习惯和肌肉都一点一点被碳酸饮料和辛辣食物给溶解。全线崩溃，我无法学习也无心工作。 05:19 2. 人在状态差的时候原来真的会停止更新一切社交平台的。我只想消失。我不敢回顾不敢复盘。羞于展示自己糟糕的一天。我想抛开一切，我觉得更新平台会让我分心。说白了，是对自己的不满意与逃避。 07:41 3. 细小的事情也脱离掌控，像多米诺骨牌一样。 缺水干枯的盆栽，满满的垃圾桶。奶茶一杯又一杯。它们都是证据。我脱轨的证据。 09:36 4. 我当然可以把一切归结于月经和激素。 11:16 5. 对背书感到厌倦。缺乏正反馈。 11:41 6. 我该重新规划我的轨道，且除了我，谁又能定义这条轨道呢？我发现之前，我没有给自己固定的休息时间，我的确冲刺了许多天，可这是不持久的。如果我没有给自己合理的休息时间，那么真正顶不住的时候只会无止尽的休息——旷工好几天。 这几天的停摆和紊乱也许正提示着我，这条道路不够科学，我该重新思考。这是一次必要的修整，我将以更加坚定的步伐向我的目标前进。

BGM: Time of Our Life-Day6 0:38 今天要分享的是昨天的故事 1. 早起后没有去跑步，而是选择了看视频思考开题报告 2. 没有出汗，到图书馆以后学完政治选择了背书。背的是很痛苦的教学法流派school of teaching methods。半小时以后人很疲惫但是却只是复习了5个教学法的内容。没有投入产出比带来的反馈让人身心俱疲。 3.早上起太早，整个人很难受。 4. 中午想估计是没有睡好，于是回寝室休息。结果只是在床上痛苦地来回寻找播客节目。最后因为内疚感到了两点。忘记临时签退了，回到图书馆的时候座位被占了。我的书被坐我位置的女生粗暴地堆在一旁，My books were roughly piled aside by the girl sitting at my seat. 我感到生气又不知气往哪发。毕竟是我的错，我自己忘记临时签退sign out 的，我只是对自己生气。 5.下午努力逼着自己继续学，但情绪已经收到了影响。状态无法调整回来。在我决定回寝室的时候更是下起了雨。我的书包里全是书，我任凭我的电瓶车在图书馆被淋湿，徒步走到了餐厅打菜。 6.事情并没有像我想象的一样那么快恢复，当我看完韩剧吃完饭，我仍然在逃避。我一边逃避一边怨恨自己。迅速洗完澡之后逛淘宝，洗衣服晒衣服，买靠枕、小推车等物品。然后用最低效的状态看书背书。Then read and recite books in the least efficient state. 结局当然是没有背多少，但是怕影响第二天，所以还是上床了。 7. 但雨后是天晴，我们只要挨过雨季，就能看到第二天的太阳。今天早上的树林晨跑，当阳光洒在我身上的时候，我觉得我再次被治愈，我将再次出发。But after the rain comes the clear sky. As long as we get through the rainy season, we will be able to see the sun the next day. This morning, during my morning run in the woods, when the sunlight shone on me, I felt healed once again and I would set off once more.

bgm：LingLing 小腿-calves 1. 七点半全身暴汗的我是最粗糙的。晨跑计划的最近。白天延长Daytime is prolonged。我在早晨七点半聆听自己的心跳，我没有梳头，以乱糟糟的头发、以不精致有痘痘的脸an unrefined face full of acne出现在不专业的户外，我决定开跑。我没擦防晒apply sunscreen，挥汗如雨sweating profusely/sweating like rain地完成了3km。我知道我正在形成肤色不均的皮肤 uneven skin，可那又怎样，我感到无比畅快 relieved。但当我暴汗完还不到8点钟去咖啡店拿咖啡的时候，我觉得我好棒。像这样的早晨在提醒我“我可以”，让我意识到别人的眼光根本不重要。穿一件200块的衣服给我的愉悦远不如跑2km。 2. 早上学了3h。图书馆的熟面孔。谁都喜欢努力的人。人在努力的时候是发光的。我也逐渐在成为一个“熟面孔”，一个每天努力的人。我们无言，但常常眼神交汇。We are silent, but our eyes often meet. 我们在各自的时钟里努力地过活，我们在不同的赛道上同时奔跑。we run simultaneously on different tracks. 3. 羡慕。我一直都是一个梨型身材a pear-shaped figure ，一直都是一个下半身偏粗的状态had a relatively thick lower body. 这样的身材让我在从小到大的体育赛事中崭露头角。Such a figure enabled me to stand out in sports events from childhood to adulthood. 但青春期puberty过后，我逐渐充气、发育puberty，我开始不喜欢自己的小腿，我开始羡慕那些天生四肢纤细的人puberty。米色beige头发很瘦小的女孩对一个男生搭讪。我作为一个陌生人目睹了从昨晚到今早的搭讪。这是一种散发着自然的自信的搭讪。This is a kind of conversation that exudes natural confidence. 她很漂亮，白皙瘦削的皮肤在紫色的宽松格子衬衫中很吸睛。Her fair and slender skin catches the eye in the purple loose checked shirt. 我就像一个带着泥土的土豆一样望着、偷听着。我是如此羡慕，是如此希望也能拥有她那样细细的小腿，不尴尬地随意穿上leggings。I am so envious and so wish I could have such slender calves as hers and wear leggings casually without feeling embarrassed. 可是，不要陷入在比较中。我立刻提醒自己不要恍神be distracted，不要陷入在无意义的比较中，不要和其他人一起欺负你自己。not to get stuck in meaningless comparisons, not to bully yourself with others. 要狂奔向你想去的地方，要相信你也可以得到她有的，而你还有许多她没有的。与其说我是羡慕她的身材，不如说我是羡慕这种自然的“自信”。我不想要偷走她的自信我也无法偷走，我想要建立我自己的。Rather than envying her figure, I am more envious of this natural "confidence". I don't want to steal her confidence, and I can't either. I want to build my own. 4. 不该被指责的寄居蟹。Hermit crabs that should not be blamed. 《未知的首尔》里面有一句话，未知说自己就像一团垃圾。a pile of garbage 她的外婆说，感到痛苦选择逃避的时候，明明就像寄居蟹躲避天敌一样，是不应该被指责的。“你以为你被全世界霸凌，可是你发现加害者perpetrator 只有你自己。”

bgm：爱爱爱（2009live）-方大同 00:22 Start 1. 安装家具 Installing furniture给我切实的满足感。刚才做了一堆家务house chores，安装椅子和小推车trolley都需要体力。放轻松，我需要吃足够的事物，才能干足够的活儿。我要完成许多事，保持一个健康的心态去面对食物和自己的身体。你要健康地活，而不是达到了所谓的理想体重之后没有精气神feeling listless、抑郁和烦躁irritable。Functionality. 05:38 2. 原来我和植物一样需要光合作用 photosynthesis 去图书馆，把自己放在人流里。 懈怠Slackness 表演型人格The acting personality 09:09 3. 独居生活 我好像不惧怕独居了，我想我会非常想念这段独居生活。我甚至希望所有人都不要回来，我一直自己生活。我只需要通过网络和亲朋好友慰问、分享琐事share trivial matters with my relatives and friends 。我不确定这样的想法是否正确，听上去有些避世reclusive。但，这至少证明此刻我是享受的、且有能力应付一切。把自己当芭比娃娃一样好好养 a Barbie doll。 我好喜欢这种完全自己说了算，我的一天由我安排。我的人生，很难有这样完全自由自主的时刻。比起工作，这也算是一种向往的人生 a kind of life one yearns for。我的确不确定我能不能考上，但，谁也不能保证我考不上。我总觉得，我之后的人生很难有这样长时段的自我相处。“在你保持远视的情况下，不断有新的选择是很好的。It's great to keep having new options while you remain farsighted.”而如今，我确实是正在走向广阔的地方，我正在往高处走。 13:12 4. 马拉松 刚才有同学来问我关于考研政治的事情。进度。他对自己的正确率焦虑 accuracy rate。我能感受到他的焦虑。我作为一个旁观者onlooker，我告诉他这是很正常的事情，要继续前进，要坚持下去，调整好心态，做你该做的事情，这，是一场马拉松。而我，我因为不想工作，所以我必须拿下这场考试，我无路可走。 14:04 5. 物极必反。不要休息耻感。 When things reach an extreme, they will reverse. Don't rest on shame. 循序渐进的魅力The charm of gradual progress. 昨天临时起意，也是因为眼红on a whim and because of envy，突然下定决心想要五点半起。结果一整天都在一个混沌的状态里。As a result, I was in a chaotic state all day long. 中午又睡觉 took a nap，同时没有好的精神状态去学习，反而学不进去。我就这样睁着眼睛看着字， I just stared at the words with my eyes wide open. 无论出不出声都无法让知识进脑子。不过，这是一次自我的探索和尝试。我意识到我不是机器，我需要休息。而状态是最重要的事情。没有了睡眠，一切都白搭。不要太纠结时长。Without sleep, everything is in vain. Don't be too obsessed with the duration.五点半起来之后我看了视频，找一些开题报告的灵感。慢慢完成吧。

bgm：心形圈-蔡依林 大家好啊，不知不觉就录了那么多，嘴巴都说干了。嗯。 00:26 啰嗦中文开场白 03:35 Start 1. 有时候我也不知道我是为什么要跑步。 2. 07:41 欲戴王冠必承其重If you want to wear a crown, you must bear its weight. 09:42 我这么做，是因为我就是这样的人。你必须从心底里这么认为。听上去有点像洗脑。有建模一样的身材a model-like figure。 11:07你把美丽的身材设为屏幕壁纸wallpaper，你希望你的肌肉像彭于晏一样，你希望你和张元英一样瘦。病态Morbid。有毒的 Poisonous。11:50xhs好可怕 terrifying，所有人的隐私都无处遁形everyone 's privacy has nowhere to hide。但是哪有这么容易的事情呢？这件事值得我努力，值得我付出。This matter is worth my efforts and my dedication. 3. 12:49 学习好像也不是痛苦，只是无聊。蚊子变少了，一天到晚就和自己说话。中午花了好多时间在买收纳柜storage cabinets 。韩剧Korean drama一集很长也没看完。 14:41唯一大笑大哭的时候是在看韩剧。嗯，最近在看的是《未知的首尔》Our Unwritten Seoul。我又错峰看剧哈哈哈哈. I watched the drama at off-peak hours again.。 16:32 事实上一个人待着我的确是在变更好，只是忙完之后，闲下来容易想东想西。一个人做选择，一个人努力。考研，就是一个人的战斗啊。The postgraduate entrance examination is a solo battle. 4. 17:20 饮食。如何培养自然的食欲啊。我没有很严重的饮食障碍ed，20:48 我觉得我只是需要饭搭子。真有人陪我我又会嫌烦，好像又是一个人更自在。就是这样复杂的心情。 5. 21:27 最近睡眠也一般。时间一天天地在过去。最近好热啊，每天都是被太阳晒得很烫很烫I'm scorching hot from the sun，但是我知道我不出门是不行的。早上去图书馆学了政治复了会儿习。 23:00对了，我干嘛这么悲观 pessimistic。我这几天开始复习了。这是一件最恶心最痛苦的事情，就像回看你的错题集 collection of wrong answers。我必须面对自己的遗忘，诚实地面对自己。最后，再加点时长吧。再多做点吧。我觉得我还是焦虑。 21:27为了不让自己这么焦虑，快点写完一份开题报告交差吧hand it in as soon as possible，可是每天又有要复习的内容。 6.24:59元气，元气，元气！为什么郁郁寡欢。

bgm：爱得起 00:29 He said maybe I can do a longer episode. 02:55 1. 我既多愁善感又自私自利。I'm both sentimental and selfish. 05:05 If there were a competition, I must be the best debater. 05:49 挥手告别后，我的独居生活正式开始（my solitary life）。 06:05 我不知道我们下一次什么时候见面，我的心里空落落（My heart felt empty. ），我让自己摆脱这种不成熟immature的分离焦虑。毕竟眼下我的任务只有一个，我应该关注的事情是沉下心学习。是上岸。(getting ashore） 06:55 如果把我所有的心情波动都归结于舍不得，归结于我们之间的友谊，这也是虚伪的，是片面的。If all my mood swings are attributed to reluctance or the friendship between us, that would be hypocritical and one-sided. 还有一个更重要的原因，那就是这次分别意味着我要独自面对浩浩汤汤的学习任务，而我本人并没有任何的信心去攻克这座山。我始终是自我怀疑的。(I have always been self-doubting.) 07:55 2. 间歇性的鸡血不管用了 Intermittent adrenaline doesn't work anymore. 09:22 上海书展之旅让我意识到：真正的动力应源于对美德的追求，而非世俗成功。归来后我告诉自己必须专注学习。 那些想要达到世俗层面的成功的人，是永远无法获得持久深层的动力的。“Those who aim for success at the mundane level will never be able to obtain lasting and profound motivation.” 11:15 3. 逝去的时间无法追回，剩下的日子我又该如何珍惜？The time I've lost can never be retrieved. How should I cherish the remaining days? 学习的搭子说我这样来回奔波是很耗费时间的。It was very time-consuming for me to keep running back and forth like this. 在我决定要去一直到我现在回来，我也都活在惶惶的焦虑中。 12:11 我也不知道自己现在做到哪里了，我只知道自己还没有使出全力。All I know is that I haven't exerted all my strength yet. 当然，人是永远不会满足的动物。我又无时无刻不在与懒惰抗争。But I am constantly struggling against my lazy nature, which is my inherent flaw. 13:14 4. 每个人都会状态起伏，安慰别人的时候非常理智客观，但真正实践才是最难的。When comforting others, one is very rational and objective, but the real practice is the most difficult. 13:43 复习是最艰难的修行：它要求你打破重建，在枯燥中直面自己的不足。安慰他人时我们理性清醒，自我实践时却举步维艰。rubbing and trampling oneself, and facing oneself honestly. 14:46 5. 运动重塑我崩塌的自信心，这是我唯一最能相信的抓手。我感觉一种无法言喻的苦痛包围着我，而我需要反思自己的欲望，合理安排自己的经历和时间。Exercise has restored my collapsed self-confidence. It is the only handle I can trust the most. I feel an indescribable pain surrounding me, and I need to reflect on my desires and arrange my experiences and time reasonably. 15:39 努力耻感 16:19 雕刻 16:43 任何人都无法自欺欺人。 17:28 一切的自我欺骗都是漂浮的，站不住脚的。