bgm：再见再见
If you had jumped up earlier, you wouldn't have just been passively staring at the ceiling.
01:21 Start
02:20 很早以前我看过一档节目叫做《令人心动的offer》(Irresistible Offer)，里面的一位选手李浩源在面试的时候说，“我觉得天赋是基础，天花板一样的东西，但是你没有努力，一辈子也够不到天花板”
A long time ago, I watched a show called Irresistible offer, in which one of the contestants, Li Haoyuan, said during an interview, "I think talent is the foundation, something like a ceiling, but if you don't work hard, you'll never reach the ceiling in your lifetime.
04:19
STORY ONE: 事情没有我想象的那么遭。Things are not as bad as I thought.
我的选题topic selection被老师表扬了。这完全是意外之喜。她说我的选题很新颖，她很期待我最后的产出。听到她的表扬的时候我暗自窃喜，昨天接到组会通知之后我的心脏一直怦怦跳，我发现一旦我收到任务我就会惴惴不安。
06:14
我对自己的选题没自信，受到表扬的第一反应居然是否定。My first reaction when I receive praise is to deny it.
我们太喜欢说“哪里哪里”了，我应该从容接过赞美的，我的自信都去哪里了？I should have taken the praise calmly. Where did all my confidence go?
07:14
预设困难只会让我陷入无意义的焦虑之中。
Assuming difficulties only traps me in pointless anxiety.
07:40
人真的是唯一一个可以不只活在当下的生物，但这不一定是优点。
Human beings are truly the only creatures that can not just live in the present, but this is not necessarily an advantage.
我们总纠结在改变不了的昨天和无法阻止的明天，而忘记了唯一能改变和把握的今天。
We are always entangled in the unchangeable yesterday and the unstoppable tomorrow, while forgetting the only today that can be changed and grasped.
08:43
STORY TWO: 从图书馆出来后，我偶遇了之前的一个朋友。After leaving the library, I happened to run into an old friend of mine.
她和我之前印象里的样子很不一样。曾经我也被她自信的气场给震慑，I was once shocked by her confident aura
09:55 那些我羡慕的自然的、大方的磁场今天全都没了。
All those natural and generous magnetic fields that I envied have vanished today.
10:48
提前的安定的offer除了让你可以没有压力地提前摆烂以外，送不了你去真正想去的地方。An early and stable offer, apart from allowing you to give up in advance without any pressure, won't send you to the place you truly want to go.
你的焦虑不会消失，它们只是被你短暂地隐藏了起来，被你自欺欺人地掩盖然后每天晚上你意识到，你只是拖延了你的焦虑。
11:37
Your anxiety won't disappear. It's just that you temporarily hide it, deceive yourself into covering it up, and then every night you realize that you've merely been delaying your anxiety.
你的郁郁不得志，你的自视清高永远不会释怀。
Your depression is unfulfilled, your self-regard will never let go.
你只能躺着、凝望着过去放弃的那次起跳的机会，那次你明明可以试试自己能跳多高，可你再也回不去了。You can only lie down and gaze at that chance to jump that you gave up in the past. Back then, you could have tried how high you could jump, but you can never go back.
我懂这种感受，这种我不知道自己努力了能去哪可是我放弃努力让我一直耿耿于怀。你无法与自己和解。就像一根刺一样无法介怀。Like a thorn rooted in your heart.
保研的她好像反而“倒反天罡”开始羡慕我，并且我也不知道为什么，除了我以外所有同学都对我非常有自信。On the contrary, she started to envy me after being promoted to graduate school. I didn't know why, but all the other students except me were very confident in me.
虽然说对别人有自信是最不用负责人最轻而易举的事儿，但我也确实该给自己打气，要相信相信的力量。比起永远无法释怀那张我放弃的考卷，不如抓住每一个可以变现的今天，我要大踏步走到我的考场，我要证明这九十天的我值得拿到那张录取通知书。
16:59
刘思远说清华的人只会因为不努力而感到羞耻。我要去够一够天花板，保持远视继续向前。
Liu Siyuan said that people from Tsinghua University would only feel ashamed for not working hard.I'm going to reach the ceiling, keep my vision and move on.