bgm: Hey Hey You-蔡健雅 02:11 Today must be a big news 02:41 The headmaster in your university would be the most highest level person I mean he was the most respected person. 03:21 Of course it's not a good news 03:52 I just ask for a few more bonus because there's some rule if you have some achievements in some field about the innovation like you published some essay in some journal you'LL get some rewards. 04:33 I asked for the bonus. 05:03 Received the refusal. 05:31 It seems that someone push me to deal with this problem right now I can't delay it I can't procrastinate I can't say sorry can we talk about later I can't do this... 06:01 Hello student you have to give me a phone call... 06:44 I really hate to make a phone call especially for someone I'm not so familiar with and I have to respect him because I was a student he was a teacher. 07:33 There's something wrong with your essay... 08:04 there was something wrong with my PDF 08:14 So I said I got the evidence I could prove for myself. 08:42 To speak for myself. 09:43 it's a messy thing and they don't want to get themselves into trouble 10:50 What is my tongue or what is the content of this letter what should I say in that. 12:09 In fact I was not sure about the final feedback but I think at least I made effort 12:44 there's something need to be justified there's something need to be refined for the rules for the system for the management of our school 14:28 Or else I will even despise for myself 15:25 The only thing to solve nervous is to deal with it the only thing to alleviate your anxiety is to do something. You can never delay it again and again and finally you need to meet it you need to challenge it. 16:09 But I will be confident for me about the solution about the way about my attitude. 16:24 And I think I should get a mature about the solution I could I should let myself be more stronger when I face the challenge today I have some a few moments I feel really upset. 17:17 These moments composed of me to be a real person and to support me to move on. 17:45 And I should be proud of me for that bald time for that brave moment.

bgm: 分身情人-魏晨 模拟人生-The Sims 02:13 刚才check了一下我的倒计时countdown，今天刚好是考研倒计时110天，也算是个整数 whole number，来谈谈我的想法。 03:34 1. 见证我这几天的情绪过山车emotional roller coaster 06:16 2. 减重减脂的过程是阶梯型而不是直线型stepwise rather than linear 平台期Plateau period 07:46 3. 芝麻点小事都可能会引燃ignite我。突然爆破的纸袋子、雷阵雨、失踪的文件夹、杳无音讯、老师的微信Suddenly bursting paper bags, thunderstorms, missing folders, no news at all, the teacher's wechat... 4. 努力井井有条well-organize的今天起码有85分。酸疼的眼睛。企图用大块的计划来划分自己的一天。（12:17分享我新开始用的app/网页：Notion） 13:04 5. 不要想着一步登天 reach the sky in one step，现在还是播种的季节、是打基础的季节不要想着收获。It's still the season for sowing and laying the foundation. Don't think about reaping. 14:18 6. 这两个月以来我的生活由主线任务和无数个支线任务构成one main task and countless side tasks。我的例行安排包括不限于思考下一顿吃什么、清理每天的外卖包装垃圾、清扫我打翻的咖啡液的同时洗衣服晾衣服浇花、延迟几分钟再回复老师的微信弹窗replying to the teacher's wechat pop-up message a few minutes later。 16:00 7. 我预感我在接下来的110天里将会有无数个消沉又爆破的时刻depressing and explosive moments 。 我已经努力了2个月，而在接下来令人焦虑担心的110天里，我将无数次重新规划自己的日程表，无数次告诉自己深呼吸，一边看眼花缭乱的经验贴dazzling experience posts一边继续啃我的复习进度，与此同时，我甚至还要应付有关开题报告、考研报名资料等一系列支线任务。我必须在鞭策自己的同时哄着自己，必须在沉迷网络的时候让自己停下来。我要自律可是又不能自律得过分，要担心自己能不能上岸可是不能焦虑过头而丧失自信。I have to spur myself on while coaxing myself, and I have to stop myself when I'm addicted to the Internet. I need to be self-disciplined but not overly so. I have to worry about whether I can make it to the “shore”but not be overly anxious and lose confidence. 我得学会与压力共处，学会解压，学会照顾自己，学会把自己像模拟人生的小人一样好好养。 I have to learn to coexist with pressure, learn to relieve stress, learn to take care of myself, and learn to raise myself like a little person in The SIMS. 我的Notion界面：

bgm：茧Jian-王OK 01:04 本期播客围绕写信后续 01:49 接到电话 02:39 好像我的努力都是打水漂 So I feel really were and also angry about the final bad result I mean I did nothing I try to speak for myself and I did a lot of things I made a lot of efforts but in re word I did not again I did nothing and everything seems to being in vain 03:11 可是这是我的权益 04:19 我突然回忆到有无数个时刻我都是这样无助地向我的姐姐们求助 And I reflect that there's thousands of time that I feel really sad I feel something I can't deal with and at that time I will return to my sister'S. 04:30 I hope they can give me some inspiration they can give me some advice and you know when I just Switch to them for help they'LL give me the instant help. 05:10 可我没办法给他们任何有帮助的建议，我的能力不足 I can't give something back to myshes and sometimes I find. My own efforts is so small. 06:24 我永远在她们的臂弯下长大 07:35 No matter when we grow up or not no matter how big how old were but we're still together 08:06 她们是上天给我打包的最大的礼物 08:32 考研是我当下唯一能把握的最大的回报 Besides of all of them I can still strive for one thing I can still. Hold one thing in my hand that is my effort my effort to pass the exam I need to push myself more because the good results the good news about staying in the same city as my sisters. 09:24 I should push myself harder and I think it's the biggest gift I can give in re word in reward for all the happiness I received in work for all the love from my family.

前几天也想过要录，但是实在是太没有逻辑了。本来想在考研倒计时100天的纪念日里发出一集，但好久没说话了，嘴特笨，实在是受不了自己。今天晚上突然下大雨（直到现在还在暴雨），我撑着小伞从图书馆回到寝室，裤子和鞋子都湿了。洗漱完九点上床，墨迹一小时后大脑皮层也还是亢奋，这期播客就这么天时地利人和的诞生了。 没有bgm，只有一个考研人把最粗糙也最真实的想法说给你听，当然主要是说给她自己听。 录播客的初衷本身就是为了自己，大家听到是缘分，我能收到大家正向的反馈是福分。我珍惜所有的缘分，也感恩所有的福分，但同时也坚定不移地保持自己的初心。 本期主要围绕三个关键词：desire、habit、hardworking。 第一，我现在要做的就是引燃我内心深处的熊熊烈火，引起一场大火。drive（驱动力）和desire远比motivation（动力）更持久。 第二，比起肾上腺素以及励志故事的短期兴奋，我更需要建立一个稳固的习惯，好让我风雨无阻的执行，并且觉得很自然而不那么痛苦。 第三，我意识到我这么做除了功利层面的想获得好成绩、好结果以外，更是因为好奇和期待。我太想看到一个久违了的努力的自我了，太想看到一个不顾一切奔向终点、全力以赴的自我。没错，我就是想看看我能全力以赴到什么样子。 保研推免实习出国，大家都有各自的路。我选择了一条战线长且结果未知的道路。这是一条很多人不敢走到底甚至不敢选择的路。选择本身证明我有很多人没有的勇气。而接下来我即将证明的，是我的努力配得上我的勇气。