The School of Life｜我们为何如此难以原谅他人？
英音听力｜BBC & 经济学人等
Why is it so hard to forgive?
It can be so hard to forgive because – so often – we simply are in the right and the scale of the folly, thoughtlessness and meanness of others seems utterly beyond our own measure. But there are two inviolable ideas which should nevertheless, in the face of the grossest behaviour, be kept in mind to increase our chances of being able to forgive.
Firstly, we must remember how the other person got there, to this place of idiocy and cruelty. Every irritating fault in another person has a long history behind it. They have become like this because of flaws in their development, which they did not choose for themselves. They were shaped by troubles – troubles which we cannot see but which we know must exist.
The arrogant person was trapped, at some key point in their personal evolution, in an environment where being modest and reasonable seemed to guarantee they'd be trampled on. The hyper-critical individual has lived too much, as their personality was growing, around people who couldn't take a gentle hint – so they came to rely on blunt assertions.
The frustratingly timid, mousy person was, at some stage, terrified; the show-off learned their irritating manner around people who were hard to please.
Behind every failing – behind everything that's wrong and infuriating about those we meet – is a decisive trauma encountered before someone could cope with it properly. They are maddening but they got to be this way without meaning to. To forgive is to understand the origins of evil and cruelty.
Secondly, and very strangely, there are difficult things about you, too. Of course, not in this area. Not in any area remotely connected to the sort of lapses that tend to destroy your faith in humanity. But in some areas, quiet areas that you forget about as soon as you've travelled through them, you, too, are a deeply imperfect and questionable individual.
Gently, you have – in your own way – betrayed. Nicely, you have been a coward. Modestly, you have forgotten your privileges. Unthinkingly, you have added salt to the wounds of others.
We don't need to know anything about you to know this as a certainty. We must forgive because – not right now, not over this, but one day, over something – we will need to be forgiven.
词汇表
folly [ˈfɒli] n. 愚蠢，荒唐事
thoughtlessness [ˈθɔːtləsnəs] n. 轻率，粗心，考虑不周
meanness [ˈmiːnnəs] n. 刻薄，卑鄙，吝啬
utterly [ˈʌtəli] adv. 完全地，彻底地
inviolable [ɪnˈvaɪələbl] adj. 不容置疑的，不可侵犯的，不可违背的
gross [ɡrəʊs] adj. 恶劣的，严重的，极端的
idiocy [ˈɪdiəsi] n. 愚蠢，白痴，愚蠢行为
cruelty [ˈkruːəlti] n. 残忍，残酷
irritating [ˈɪrɪteɪtɪŋ] adj. 令人厌烦的，使人恼火的
flaw [flɔː] n. 缺陷，缺点，瑕疵
arrogant [ˈærəɡənt] adj. 傲慢的，自大的
trample on [ˈtræmpl] 践踏，蹂躏，伤害
hyper-critical [ˌhaɪpəˈkrɪtɪkl] adj. 过度挑剔的，吹毛求疵的
blunt assertions [blʌnt əˈsɜːʃnz] 直率的断言，直言不讳的论断
timid [ˈtɪmɪd] adj. 胆小的，羞怯的
mousy [ˈmaʊsi] adj. 胆小的，畏缩的
failing [ˈfeɪlɪŋ] n. 缺点，弱点，过失
infuriating [ɪnˈfjʊərieɪtɪŋ] adj. 令人愤怒的，激怒人的
trauma [ˈtrɔːmə] n. 创伤，痛苦经历
maddening [ˈmædənɪŋ] adj. 令人发狂的，使人恼火的
lapse [læps] n. 过失，失误，差错
questionable [ˈkwestʃənəbl] adj. 值得质疑的，有问题的，靠不住的
betray [bɪˈtreɪ] vt. 背叛，出卖，辜负
coward [ˈkaʊəd] n. 懦夫，胆小鬼
unthinkingly [ʌnˈθɪŋkɪŋli] adv. 不经意地，不假思索地，轻率地
add salt to the wounds 在伤口上撒盐，雪上加霜，火上浇油
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