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每天被生活琐事填满，靠刷手机换来暂时性的快乐，却总觉得生活里少了什么——那种完全沉浸、被震撼到后脑勺发麻的时刻。我们把这叫做"巅峰时刻"。 不聊怎么消灭疲惫，而是聊怎么在疲惫里找到给你充电的高光瞬间。从大海、星空、沙漠夕阳，到NBA现场的集体欢腾；从画展上的天灵盖被冲开，到50层俯瞰19层办公室的视角转换；再到两本帮你复现巅峰体验的书——《当下的力量》和《敬畏之心》。 最终想和你说：巅峰时刻不是遥不可及的奢侈品，它就藏在你的"附近"——晚霞、蝉鸣、一只对视的猫、甚至摘下眼镜后看到的奶黄色光斑里。 关键是，你愿不愿意关掉脑子里嗡嗡作响的默认网络，真真切切地活在当下。 本期主播： 至卉：生活在中国，注册营养师兼创业公司产品经理，职业上靠研究食物谋生，生活中靠"用嘴表达"解压，持续探索生活与自我的可能性。ENFJ射手，激情高昂，内心柔软。 翠翠：生活在英国，工科博士在读，生活方式试验爱好者，从南京初创公司到北京大厂再到英格兰校园，像河一样流出自己的人生路径。INFJ白羊，平淡内敛，一身反骨。 时间轴 一、那些让我们后脑勺发麻的巅峰时刻 00:05 疲惫生活里，什么是"巅峰时刻" 02:02 大海、尼斯湖、华山星空：自然带来的震撼与"活着的感觉" 05:50 美国沙漠夕阳：疲惫中突然被击中的辽阔感 08:04 NBA现场与世界杯酒吧：集体欢腾的能量与归属感 13:21 微醺逛艺术展：被画冲击到的"天灵盖被冲开" 二、换个视角和心态，两本书教你复现巅峰 16:20 从50层俯瞰19层的办公室：烦恼变小了 19:41 墨水稀释比喻：扩大生活，痛苦就会被稀释 24:14 《当下的力量》：真实地感受当下，沉浸在附近和周遭 28:53 臣服于当下：掉进沼泽该怎么办 32:42 《敬畏之心》：8种奇迹与"默认神经网络"关闭 三、在日常"附近"找回巅峰体验 37:59 站在真实的大地上去感受"附近"：晚霞、蝉鸣、抬头看天空 40:12 日常巅峰一：洗脸后探出窗，与隔壁花园的猫对视 41:28 日常巅峰二：摘下眼镜，看到不一样的新奇世界 45:14 状态好时做"充电清单"，状态差时照着做 46:33 接受人生起伏，随时拥有感知高光时刻的能力 提到的几个概念 默认神经网络（Default Mode Network）：大脑中不停嗡嗡自言自语、胡思乱想的神经回路。在身体极度疲惫或主动沉浸当下时会被"关掉"，是巅峰体验产生的神经科学基础。 臣服于当下：并非认命或放弃，而是不带评判地接受"我此刻就在这个状态里"的事实，然后以平静的心态采取行动。改变只能发生在当下。 敬畏（Awe）：面对宏大未知时产生的感觉，超越当前对世界的理解。会带来身体感受（后脑勺发麻、想哭），并让人意识到自身是比自身更宏大的事物的一部分。 生活的8种奇迹：《敬畏之心》一书中归纳的容易引发敬畏感的8类事件，包括自然的宏大、集体的欢腾、艺术与音乐、他人的故事等。 墨水稀释比喻：如果烦恼是一滴墨水，滴到水杯里和滴到海里效果完全不同。扩大生活体验、感受宏大，可以稀释日常的痛苦。 相关书籍 《当下的力量》 《敬畏之心》 往期相关单集 EP3.满世界到处跑，我用出走旅行深度养育自我 置顶图片扫码，解锁更多【养自己啊】深度内容 💬 粉丝群 | 节目更新，聊天交流，分享你的"养自己"瞬间 📖 公众号 | 未讲完的故事，主播专栏，文字版陪伴 Every day, filled with life's endless errands, chasing momentary joy through phone-scrolling — yet something always feels missing. That kind of complete immersion, that moment of being so moved the back of your scalp tingles. We call these "peak moments." This episode isn't about eliminating exhaustion. It's about finding the high-voltage moments that recharge you right in the middle of it. From oceans, starry skies, and desert sunsets, to the collective euphoria of an NBA game live; from having your mind blown at an art exhibition, to the perspective shift of looking down from the 50th floor at your 19th-floor office; and two books that help you recreate peak experiences — The Power of Now and Awe. Ultimately, we want to tell you: peak moments aren't some unattainable luxury. They're hidden in your "nearby" — in sunset glows, cicada songs, a cat locking eyes with you, even in the creamy-yellow light spots you see when you take off your glasses. The question is: are you willing to switch off the default mode network buzzing away in your brain, and truly, fully, live in the present? Hosts: Molly: Based in China, registered dietitian and product manager at a startup. Makes a living studying food, decompresses by "expressing everything out loud," and continuously explores the possibilities of life and self. ENFJ Sagittarius — high-energy, soft-hearted. Kathy: Based in the UK, engineering PhD candidate, lifestyle experiment enthusiast. From a Nanjing startup to a Beijing tech giant to an English campus, she's flowed like a river to carve out her own path. INFJ Aries — understated, with a rebellious core. Timeline I. Those Peak Moments That Make the Back of Your Scalp Tingle 00:05 Topic intro: What are "peak moments" in an exhausting life? 02:02 Oceans, Loch Ness, and starry skies at Mount Hua: nature's awe and the feeling of "being alive" 05:50 Desert sunset in America: struck by vastness in the midst of exhaustion 08:04 NBA live & World Cup at a pub: the energy and belonging of collective euphoria 13:21 Tipsy at an art exhibition: having your mind blown by paintings II. A New Perspective on Worries, and Two Books to Help You Recreate Peak Experiences 16:20 Looking down from the 50th floor at your 19th-floor office: problems shrink 19:41 The ink-dilution metaphor: expand your life to dilute the pain 24:14 The Power of Now: eating overnight oats by the river, fully present, discovering oleander 28:53 Surrendering to the present: what to do when you fall into a swamp 32:24 Awe: the 8 wonders of life and shutting off the "default mode network" III. Finding Peak Experiences in Your Everyday "Nearby" 37:59 Step outside and feel the "nearby": sunsets, cicadas, looking up at the sky 40:12 Everyday peak #1: leaning out the window after washing your face, locking eyes with a cat 41:28 Everyday peak #2: taking off your glasses and seeing creamy-yellow, diamond-like spots of light 45:14 Build a "recharge list" when you're doing well; follow it when you're not 46:33 Wrap-up: accept life's ups and downs, and always keep the ability to perceive peak moments Key Concepts Mentioned Default Mode Network: The neural circuit in the brain that constantly buzzes with self-talk and wandering thoughts. It gets "switched off" during extreme physical exhaustion or when actively immersing in the present — the neurological basis for peak experiences. Surrendering to the Present: Not resignation or giving up, but accepting without judgment the fact that "I am in this state right now," then taking action with a calm mind. Change can only happen in the present moment. Awe: The feeling when facing something vast and unknown that transcends your current understanding of the world. It brings physical sensations (scalp tingling, urge to cry) and makes you realize you're part of something larger than yourself. The 8 Wonders of Life: Eight categories of events identified in Awe that tend to trigger awe, including moral beauty/nature's vastness, collective effervescence, art and music, and others' stories. The Ink-Dilution Metaphor: If your worries are a drop of ink, dropping it into a cup versus into the ocean makes all the difference. Expanding your life experiences and sensing vastness can dilute everyday pain. Related Books The Power of Now, Awe Related Episodes EP3. Roaming the World: How I Deeply Nurture Myself Through Travel Scan the QR code to unlock more in-depth content 💬 Fan Group | Episode updates, chat, share your "nurturing yourself" moments 📖 Official Account | Untold stories, host columns, written companionship

一边想花钱取悦自己，一边又焦虑养老、大病风险，哪怕坚持存钱，内心依旧没有踏实的安全感？ 作为单身女青年，我们独自打拼、父母渐渐老去，身后无人可以托底，在 “及时行乐” 和 “拼命存钱” 之间反复拉扯，心里还总认定，银行卡里必须达到某个夸张的数字才算拥有安全感。 这期邀请《对账时间》主播毛毛，一个保险经纪人，从花钱不眨眼到系统性财务管理，给自己规划好了未来保障的独立女性，一起聊聊我们如何搭建财务安全系统的话题。 毛毛曾拥有十几年稳定恋情，30多岁分手后才被迫独自扛起房租、医疗、养老所有现实开销；而至卉早早明白只能靠自己，3直到30 岁开始主动摸索财务保障的方法和工具。 我们抛开枯燥理财公式、不推销复杂产品，只用两段真实女生人生，拆解普通人对保险、存钱的全部误解，分享不用压抑欲望的极简管钱办法。 最终想和你说：真正的自我养育，从来不是逼自己攒巨款，而是拥有既能好好取悦当下，也能稳稳守护未来的底气。 本期主播： 至卉：生活在中国，注册营养师兼创业公司产品经理，职业上靠研究食物谋生，生活中靠“用嘴表达”解压，持续探索生活与自我的可能性。ENFJ射手，激情高昂，内心柔软。 本期嘉宾： 毛毛：《对账时间》主播，坐标南京的保险经纪人，独立女性，演讲高手，可盐可甜 时间轴 一、作为单身女性，我们共有的金钱焦虑 02:30 养老焦虑：我老了能住进豪华养老院吗？ 04:28 花钱一时爽，花完又后悔，我怎么还是钱不够多？ 05:44 要存300万才能过得舒坦？现金流比现金量更重要 二、觉醒时刻，我们终于明白什么是未来保障 10:33 毛毛的人生转折点：16 年恋情结束，被迫直面独自生存的所有压力 13:29 至卉的觉醒：30 岁读懂风险，主动配置基础保障 15:54 破除三大保障误区：有钱了才考虑、买保险是纯消费、买了也用不上 19:20 用现在的小额开支，撬动未来更大的保障 24:47 我们还年轻，要从现在就考虑养老的事儿吗？ 三、零基础小白照抄：从0搭建财务安全系统 32:26 存钱与活在当下两者兼得，认真对待钱，钱就认真对待你 34:00 分账户管理实操：毛毛精细分法 VS 小白极简分法 42:38 做预算还是记账？对金钱的事前VS事后管理 46:14 高风险投资要谨慎，也别压抑自己的好奇心 四、安全感的终极来源不止金钱 54:20 安全感不是金钱本身，而是相信自己有能力保障未来 56:20 给新手的终极建议：先配齐基础医疗意外险，稳稳打好保障地基 提到的几个概念 * 损失厌恶：失去一笔钱的难受程度，远大于赚到同等金额的开心，花钱买保险会触发的损失感。 * 现金价值：长期保险逐年累积的保单自有资金，退保可取出，兼具储蓄与保障属性。 * 保险杠杆：每年少量保费，就能撬动几十万医疗、收入补偿的高额保障额度。 往期相关单集 EP10.买口红X买课：两种消费观的碰撞 EP11.富足是感受：从匮乏到滋养，聊聊我们和金钱的关系 置顶图片扫码，解锁更多【养自己啊】深度内容 💬 粉丝群 | 节目更新，聊天交流，分享你的“养自己”瞬间 📖 公众号 | 未讲完的故事，主播专栏，文字版陪伴 Ever caught yourself torn between splurging on little joys and panicking about retirement and medical bills? Even with consistent savings, you never quite feel financially secure. As young single women out here building our careers while our parents grow older, we have no family safety net to fall back on. We swing back and forth between living in the moment and hoarding every penny, convinced we need a massive six-figure bank balance to feel stable. In this chat, I sit down with Maomao, host of Balancing the Books and a professional insurance broker. Once a carefree spender, she’s built a structured money system to secure her future. We share two very different personal journeys, break down common misconceptions around savings and insurance, and share zero-restraint budgeting tactics with no complex formulas or pushy product sales. At the end of the day, self-care through money management isn’t about forcing yourself to hoard huge sums. It’s about building the confidence to treat yourself well today while safeguarding tomorrow. Host: Zhihui A registered dietitian and product lead at a startup based in China. An ENFJ Sagittarius who’s passionate yet soft-hearted, she unpacks life’s possibilities through conversation and food research. Guest: Tiki Mao Host of Balancing the Books, an insurance broker based in Nanjing, and a versatile, independent public speaker. Timestamps Part 1: Shared Money Anxiety for Single Women 02:30 The retirement worry: Can I afford a premium senior living community? 04:28 Instant gratification followed by guilt — why do I never feel like I have enough cash? 05:44 Savings balance vs steady cash flow: The latter brings real peace of mind Part 2: Our Wake-Up Calls — What Real Security Looks Like 10:33 Maomao’s turning point: Ending a 16-year relationship forced her to cover rent, healthcare and retirement alone 13:29 Zhihui’s realization: I started planning for protection at 30 15:54 Three widespread insurance myths debunked 19:20 How small regular premiums unlock massive future coverage 24:47 Is retirement planning necessary when we’re still young? Part 3: Beginner-Friendly Financial Blueprint Anyone Can Copy 32:26 Saving and enjoying life don’t have to be mutually exclusive; respect your money, and it’ll respect you back 34:00 Two budget split methods: Maomao’s detailed system vs simplified beginner version 42:38 Budgeting in advance vs tracking spending after the fact 46:14 High-risk investing: Proceed with caution, and don’t suppress your natural curiosity Part 4: Security Comes From More Than Cash 54:20 True financial peace isn’t the money itself — it’s trust in your ability to provide for your later self 56:20 Core beginner tip: Start with affordable accident & medical insurance to lay your safety foundation Key Terminology Explained 1. Loss Aversion: The pain of losing money outweighs the joy of gaining the same amount, which stops many people from buying insurance. 2. Cash Value: Accumulated funds within permanent insurance policies that you can withdraw upon surrender, combining savings and coverage. 3. Insurance Leverage: Pay modest annual premiums to access large sums of coverage for medical costs or lost income. Related Past Episodes EP10 Lipstick vs Online Courses: Two Conflicting Views on Consumption EP11 Abundance Is a Feeling: Scarcity Mindset & Our Relationship With Money Extra Resources Scan the QR code on the top pinned graphic for exclusive deep content from our show 💬 Fan Community: New episode alerts, casual chats, share your self-care wins 📖 Official Newsletter: Extended stories, host columns, written episode breakdowns

房子是生活的容器，是自我养育的花盆，我们都有自己喜欢的那一款，暂时拥有不了的时候，先松松土、加点营养液、把它挪到有阳光的地方，就已经很好了。 这一期，我们从住过的房子聊起。住过免费豪宅，也蜗居在快捷酒店。被北京看每都楼都是金钱符号、到英国终于租下一整个house。我们心里逐渐有了那个"梦中情房"的模样。 我们要的好像从来不是那套房子，而是住在里面那个舒服、妥帖、慢慢长开的自己。愿这一期，能让此刻正住在一个还不太满意的地方的你，松一口气。 不用急着搬家，为了房子背上太多压力，而是先从换一盏灯、擦一擦那件落了灰的置物架开始，慢慢画出属于自己的梦中情房蓝图。 本期主播： 至卉：生活在中国，注册营养师兼创业公司产品经理，职业上靠研究食物谋生，生活中靠“用嘴表达”解压，持续探索生活与自我的可能性。ENFJ射手，激情高昂，内心柔软。 翠翠：生活在英国，工科博士在读，生活方式试验爱好者，从南京初创公司到北京大厂再到英格兰校园，像河一样流出自己的人生路径。INFJ白羊，平淡内敛，一身反骨。 时间轴 Part 1 从小城的免费豪宅，到整租英国house：我们的住房编年史 * 00:00我们的居住空间也是自我养育里很重要的一部分 * 01:11 至卉的迁徙：毕业免费豪宅→上海蜗居快捷酒店→回家与爸妈生活→精致单身公寓 * 04:45 翠翠的迁徙：跟爸妈住的便利生活→北漂被房租吓呆→英国租下一整个house Part 2 承受度是会被撑大的：租房选择与心理成长 * 09:27 合租大 house 的奔溃瞬间——公用洗衣机的异味恶心到我 * 11:51 为了说服自己整租一个 house，认真写了一页纸的思想斗争 * 13:00 租房的选择和心理成长互相塑造 * 15:21 明明有了大空间，却缩在小角落："我还不敢、不配使用更大的空间" * 17:43 为住房花钱，花了再去挣就好——"省着省着，窟窿等着" Part 3 让房子越来越像自己：改造、养护，和一场百叶窗奇遇 * 18:40 工程师脑上线：把橱柜画成图纸，规划储物空间 * 21:48 从种子开始养的一屋子植物：牛油果、香料、能吃的菜，搭一个"可循环系统" * 23:53 至卉的改造：测量、规划、分区，50平米样样俱全 * 26:11 划分区域，空间整洁，脑子好像也跟着整洁了 * 26:50 百叶窗奇遇：有些东西不是不好，只是缺乏养护，我们的脑子也一样 Part 4 我们要的从来不是那套房子，而是理想生活状态 * 34:40 至卉的梦中情房：大厨房、大阳台、江边与树荫 * 38:06 翠翠的蓝图：书房工作间、爱好角落、满屋植物，旁边一定要有电影院 * 42:00 房子的地段选择，通勤路上能看看小花，就已经足够美好 * 46:31 梦中情房，其实是想要一个"可以选择"生活圈的机会 * 48:07 不一定非要买房，实现理想生活状态有很多途径，因地制宜 * 55:22 房子是养育我们的花盆：挪不动就先松松土、挪到阳光下 本期提到的 王德峰 讲《道德经》——"人法地"，因地制宜地安排自己的生活 神秀偈"时时勤拂拭，莫使惹尘埃"（《六祖坛经》） 往期相关单集 19.野心 | 按自己的意愿过一生，从大胆说出“我想要”开始 17.以人为镜 | 从魅力男性身上，认出自己想长成的形状 05.一个人生活，喜忧参半的自我养育加速器 置顶图片扫码，解锁更多【养自己啊】深度内容 💬 粉丝群 | 节目更新，聊天交流，分享你的“养自己”瞬间 📖 公众号 | 未讲完的故事，主播专栏，文字版陪伴 About This Episode This episode starts with the places we've actually lived — the five-room company flat in Zhenjiang that Zhihui had entirely to herself, the Beijing stretch when every apartment block started looking like a stack of banknotes, the empty rooms Cuicui didn't dare set foot in while flat-sharing in the UK — and works its way toward what our "dream home" really looks like. Somewhere in the talking, we realised: what we're after was never the house itself, but the version of ourselves who gets to live inside it — comfortable, settled, slowly unfurling. The house is our plant pot. When you can't move it, loosening the soil, adding a little feed, and nudging it toward the light are already plenty. May this episode let you — if you're living somewhere that doesn't quite fit right now — breathe out a little. There's no rush to move. Start by changing one lamp, or wiping the dust off that one thing. Your Hosts Zhihui: Lives in China. A registered dietitian and product manager at a startup — she makes her living studying food, and unwinds by "expressing herself through her mouth" (eating and talking, in roughly equal measure), forever exploring what life and the self can become. ENFJ Sagittarius: bright and high-spirited on the outside, soft underneath. Cuicui: Lives in the UK. An engineering PhD candidate and lifestyle-experiment enthusiast — from a Nanjing startup to a Beijing tech giant to a campus in England, she's carved out her own path the way a river finds its course. INFJ Aries: quiet and understated on the surface, with a stubborn streak of rebellion. Timestamps Part 1 From a Free Luxury Apartment in a Small Town to Renting an Entire UK House: Our Housing Chronicle * 00:00 Our living space is also a vital part of self-nurturing. * 01:11 Zhihui’s residential journey: Free luxury apartment after graduation → Cramped budget hotel in Shanghai → Living with parents back home → Exquisite single apartment * 04:45 Cuicui’s residential journey: Convenient life living with parents → Shocked by Beijing’s rental prices as a migrant worker in the capital → Renting an entire house in the UK Part 2 Resilience Grows With Experience: Rental Housing and Personal Growth * 09:27 Breakdown moment of sharing a large house: The unpleasant odor from the shared washing machine made me sick. * 11:51 I wrote a full page of self-persuasion to resolve my inner struggle before deciding to rent an entire house alone. * 13:00 Our choices in housing and our mental growth shape each other mutually. * 15:21 Even with a spacious living space, I still huddle in a tiny corner — I still feel unworthy and hesitant to embrace a bigger space. * 17:43 It’s okay to spend money on housing; we can always earn it back. Saving excessively only leaves us with unforeseen losses. Part 3 Make a House a Home: Renovation, Maintenance and a Serendipity with Blinds * 18:40 Engineering mindset kicked in: I drew blueprints for cabinets to plan the storage space rationally. * 21:48 A house full of plants grown from seeds: avocados, herbs and edible greens, building a self-sustaining mini ecological cycle. * 23:53 Zhihui’s home renovation: Precise measurement, overall planning and functional zoning, making a 50-square-meter space fully equipped for all needs. * 26:11 Zoning the space keeps the room tidy, and my mind feels organized too. * 26:50 A serendipity with blinds: Nothing is inherently flawed; most things just lack proper maintenance — and the same goes for our minds. Part 4 What We Truly Desire Is Never a House, but an Ideal Lifestyle * 34:40 Zhihui’s dream home: A spacious kitchen, a large balcony, overlooking riverside scenery and lush shade trees. * 38:06 Cuicui’s ideal living blueprint: A study and workspace, dedicated hobby corners, rooms filled with plants, and a cinema nearby. * 42:00 When choosing a house location, a commute with glimpses of blooming flowers is enough to bring warmth and joy. * 46:31 A dream home essentially means having the freedom to choose your own social and living circle. * 48:08 Buying a house is not a must. There are various ways to achieve an ideal life, and we should adjust measures to local conditions. * 55:22 A house is like a flower pot that nurtures us. If you cannot move it temporarily, loosen the soil and move it to the sunlight first. Mentioned in This Episode * Wang Defeng's lectures on the Tao Te Ching — "man follows the earth", arranging your life to suit where you are * The Chan (Zen) verse "polish it constantly, let no dust settle" (Platform Sutra) Related Episodes * Ambition | Living life on your own terms starts with daring to say "I want this" * People as Mirrors | Through charismatic men, recognising the shape we quietly want to grow into * Living Alone: a bittersweet accelerator for nurturing yourself

不聊怎么把野心做大，说说我们怎么从"不敢要"，一点点学着把"我想要"说出口。 从小被夸"听话""懂事"，连出去玩都不好意思说想去哪；写得最好的演讲稿被让给了别人，活儿干完了也不敢承认是自己做的——这些我们太熟了。 野心这个词听起来张牙舞爪，可它也可以很具体、很温柔：是一套江边的房子，是想给世界留下一丢丢痕迹，是允许自己挣到钱，也是终于敢报一个配得上自己的价。 在我们实现野心的路上，走着走着，焦虑反而散了——原来不一定要冲到终点才算数，路是一点点走清楚的，过程中也有风景。 愿这一期能让你松一口气：野心不必慌张，它可以是远处的一颗北极星，也可以是此刻脚边刚刚开的一朵小花。 本期主播： 至卉：生活在中国，注册营养师兼创业公司产品经理，职业上靠研究食物谋生，生活中靠“用嘴表达”解压，持续探索生活与自我的可能性。ENFJ射手，激情高昂，内心柔软。 翠翠：生活在英国，工科博士在读，生活方式试验爱好者，从南京初创公司到北京大厂再到英格兰校园，像河一样流出自己的人生路径。INFJ白羊，平淡内敛，一身反骨。 时间轴 Part 1 敢不敢要：野心的地基 * 00:00 今天，我们想聊聊"野心"这个有点带劲的话题 * 00:44 至卉：成长里我们很少被鼓励，大胆说出自己的野心 * 01:07 翠翠：从小被要求听话，出去玩也总在妥协自己的需求 * 02:08 敢不敢要，才是最底层的事——小事都不敢提，野心更别谈 * 02:37 至卉：小学演讲，我写了最好的稿子，却被让给了别人 * 04:04 翠翠：研究助理的活儿干完了95%，却不敢说是我做的 * 05:02 孔融让梨、树大招风、枪打出头鸟 Part 2 世俗的野心与安全感 * 05:31 至卉：你内心最大的渴望，到底是什么？ * 05:56 提到野心，第一反应总是世俗的：年薪百万、大房子 * 06:28 翠翠：我能解决多大的问题，就能带来多大的财富 * 07:21 至卉的梦中情房：40岁，住进江边那个新贵片区 * 09:11 翠翠一个"不太稳妥"的价值观：先把想花的钱花出去，再去找 * 10:11 瑞士那位"玩钱"的朋友：想露宿街头，还得主动努力 * 12:53 不必存满五年才敢享受；而且现在，谁还会饿死呢 * 13:40 至卉：我还真算过——算完发现"仍需努力" Part 3 两种驱动力：愿景与野心 * 14:19 翠翠：一本讲《驱动力》的书——人有两类驱动力 * 15:03 物质满足之后，使命、热爱、好奇心才慢慢长出来 * 15:55 三个支柱：自主、胜任、目的（翠翠还想加第四个：决定要自己做） * 17:19 翠翠：我的野心是按自己的意愿过我的一生 * 17:26 愿景 vs 野心：野心就在眼前，愿景是远方的状态 * 19:51 这句话，其实是当年明月写在《明朝那些事儿》结尾的 * 20:44 读博算不算野心？更多是直觉 * 22:47 闯荡天地的驱动力，是想离开那个让我压抑的环境 Part 4 为了野心，我们做了什么 * 24:17 那就聊聊：为了这些野心，我们都做过什么 * 24:52 至卉更大的野心：改变一丢丢世界，留下一点痕迹 * 25:07 翠翠：这在哲学上，叫"存在主义焦虑" * 25:57 做播客也有世俗的野心——希望有一天能接广告 * 28:06 700个粉就很开心了；想当年70个粉时，我们都要欢呼一下 * 28:47 有野心就去做，先做了再说 * 30:04 "敢"的两个层面：敢想，和敢做 * 30:28 至卉：稻盛和夫说"心想事成"，信念真的很重要 * 31:35 野心不是要拔着头发飞上天，而是努力垫一垫脚就够得着 Part 5 自信、配得感，和敢报高价 * 31:58 不同性格的野心长得不一样，具体务实VS冒险精神 * 33:12 翠翠的察觉：从前我好像"不太允许自己挣到钱" * 34:09 打开一个心结，钱就流进来了 * 35:11 至卉：从金钱羞耻到敢报高价 * 36:54 挑环境也很重要：让那些打压我的人，离我的生活远一点 * 37:30 能力配不上野心时，焦虑就来了；把能力提上来，情绪也就散了 Part 6 一步一步，慢慢走也会到 * 37:50 至卉：从演讲台上那根被嘲笑的"木头"说起 * 38:31 至卉：公司品牌宣讲第一人，背后是一百多次的刻意练习 * 41:01 翠翠：完成博士也一样，能力和野心的差距慢慢缩小 * 43:01 刚上路时，地图前方一片雾，走近了，才看清脚下的下一步 * 45:05 如果能享受每个阶段，那整条路，都是繁花盛开的感觉 * 45:44 远处要有那颗北极星，脚下的风景，也是要看的 这期里提到的 Daniel Pink《Drive》（驱动力）—— Type X / Type I；自主性 autonomy、胜任性 mastery、目的性 purpose 当年明月《明朝那些事儿》——「按照自己的意愿，去度过一生」 稻盛和夫 ——「心想事成」／强烈的念想 存在主义焦虑（想留下点什么） 英国 Researcher Development Framework（研究者能力的多维度拆解） 复现嘉宾 叶帆（水墨画家）—— 人在每个阶段，都有每个阶段的特质与享受 节目里提到的往期单集 🎧 EP18 与焦虑共处 | 不是你不行，是你在走上坡路 置顶名片扫码 解锁更多【养自己啊】深度内容 💬 粉丝群 | 节目更新，聊天交流，分享你的"养自己"瞬间 📖 公众号 | 未讲完的故事，主播专栏，文字版陪伴 Title: Ambition | A Star Ahead, Flowers at Your Feet Intro This episode is about ambition — not how to make yours bigger, but how the two of us, both rather bad at wanting things out loud, slowly learned to say "I want this." Praised as children for being "good" and "sensible", too shy even to say where we'd like to go on a trip; watching the best speech we ever wrote handed to someone else; finishing the work and not daring to admit it was ours — we know all of this far too well. And somewhere in the talking we found that ambition, for all its teeth, can be quite concrete and quite gentle too: a flat by the river, the wish to leave some small mark on the world, letting yourself earn money, finally daring to name a price that's actually worth your while. We also get into why, somewhere along the way, the anxiety quietly lifts — it turns out you don't have to sprint to the finish for it to count; the road grows clearer as you walk it, and flowers open underfoot. If you're somewhere on that climb, we hope this one lets you breathe out: ambition needn't be all rush — it can be a North Star far ahead, and a little flower that's just opened by your feet. Your hosts: Zhihui: Based in China. A registered dietitian and product manager at a start-up — she makes a living studying food, and unwinds by "talking it out", forever exploring the possibilities of life and self. ENFJ, Sagittarius; high-spirited, soft on the inside. Cuicui: Based in the UK. An engineering PhD candidate and devoted life-experiment enthusiast, flowing her own path like a river — from a Nanjing start-up, to a Beijing tech giant, to an English campus. INFJ, Aries; understated and reserved, with a rebel streak. Books Mentioned in This Episode Drive (Daniel Pink) Those Things of the Ming Dynasty (当年明月) Past Episodes Referenced 🎧 EP18

这一期我们聊焦虑，不是教你怎么消灭它，是聊我们俩这些年怎么一边焦虑一边往前走的。 心跳快到睡前能听见，疯狂给朋友发短信，刷手机刷到忘了今天干过什么——这些我们都太熟了。我们把各自最狼狈的时刻摊开来聊：学生时代的考试、埋头干到口吃的硕士论文、挂着心电监测仪去看电影、决定要不要出国读博的那几个月……聊着聊着发现，好多焦虑其实是自己加给自己的：没人逼我们，是我们给自己当了个最严厉的监工，连睡觉都要逼自己好好睡。 那怎么办呢？我们聊了当下能用的急救办法：呼吸、五感着陆、出门暴走、做自己的好领导而不是苛刻监工。也聊了心理重构的那部分：怎么识别焦虑、接受它是正常的，然后不跟它打架，让子弹飞一会儿，等理智脑慢慢开机。 如果你最近也在走上坡路，愿这一期能让你松一口气。焦虑不是因为你不行，是因为上坡路本来就很难走。 本期主播： 至卉：生活在中国，注册营养师兼创业公司产品经理，职业上靠研究食物谋生，生活中靠“用嘴表达”解压，持续探索生活与自我的可能性。ENFJ射手，激情高昂，内心柔软。 翠翠：生活在英国，工科博士在读，生活方式试验爱好者，从南京初创公司到北京大厂再到英格兰校园，像河一样流出自己的人生路径。INFJ白羊，平淡内敛，一身反骨。 时间轴 Part 1 焦虑爆棚的那些时刻 * 00:00 今天我们想聊聊焦虑 * 01:11 至卉：最近几个月的焦虑巅峰，自己卷自己 * 04:20 翠翠：从学生时代的考试开始，一关一关地焦虑 * 06:50 压力 ≠ 焦虑：焦虑多了一层"我可能过不去"的预设 * 09:00 皮质醇有多高，后面的多巴胺就有多高 * 10:40 挂着心电监测仪去看电影：焦虑直接反映在身体上 * 12:56 一山更比一山高：出国还是留下，那几个月的人生选择焦虑 Part 2 焦虑从哪来：镜子里的脑科学 * 14:55 我们的选择是个偏直觉的过程，但我们总想理性量化 * 17:20《思考快与慢》：系统一（直觉）和系统二（理性） * 19:44 三个脑袋：本能脑、情绪脑、理智脑——理智脑是最年轻的项目经理 * 21:44 直觉有时是准的：拖延，可能是直觉说"不用那么急" * 23:25 必要的焦虑：它在提醒你重视、想表现好 * 24:23 完美主义这道暗题：不仅自己做，还要做到100分 Part 3 当焦虑来袭：表层急救包 * 29:40 第一步：识别它、接受它是正常情绪 * 30:30 我的焦虑信号：心跳快、疯狂发短信、刷手机刷到断片 * 33:00 盒式呼吸法：呼气长于吸气，激活副交感神经 * 33:28 五感着陆（54321）：把注意力转到看得见摸得着的事物 * 34:17 起不来床就先起床：行动成本极低的一小步 * 36:07 焦虑很深坐不住，我就出去暴走，去小树林、去江边 * 39:45 别当自己的监工，当个好领导：放松也要放进 to-do list Part 4 往根上走：与焦虑共处 * 41:38 没有转折点，是漫长的过程：从学管理到学着理解自己 * 43:30 想管别人，结果发现理解不了自己 * 49:40 至卉的限制性信念：要允许自己焦虑 * 51:25 不跟焦虑打架，跟它玩一玩；翠翠：我把它叫水坝 * 54:30 让子弹飞一会儿：焦虑来了，就让它焦虑一会儿 * 56:08 一次认知重构：焦虑 = 我不行 → 焦虑 = 我在走上坡路 * 58:10 掌控能掌控的，放手不能掌控的，用智慧分辨 * 59:05 收尾：不做永不焦虑的超人，允许自己带着焦虑往前走 这期里出现过的书 《思考快与慢》（丹尼尔·卡尼曼） 节目里提到的往期单集 🎧 EP02 驱散焦灼心情的五感着陆小魔法，重新养育幸福力 🎧 EP13 完美主义者的开荒实验：当我们终于在崩溃边缘学会放手 🎧 EP16 班味儿，是自我磨损的胶皮焦味 置顶图片扫码解锁更多【养自己啊】深度内容 💬 粉丝群 | 节目更新，聊天交流，分享你的“养自己”瞬间 📖 公众号 | 未讲完的故事，主播专栏，文字版陪伴 Title:Living with Anxiety | It's Not That You Can't — You're Climbing Intro This episode is about anxiety — not how to defeat it, but how the two of us have spent these years moving forward while anxious. A heart racing so hard you can hear it before sleep; firing off texts to friends; scrolling your phone until you can't remember what you did all day — we know all of this far too well. We lay out our most undone moments: exams as students, the master's thesis we ground through until we nearly stammered, sitting through a film with a heart monitor strapped on, the months spent deciding whether to go abroad for a PhD. Somewhere along the way we realised how much of it we pile on ourselves: nobody is forcing us — we've simply appointed ourselves the harshest supervisor we'll ever have, forcing ourselves even to sleep well. So what helps? We talk through the in-the-moment rescues: breathing, five-senses grounding, walking it off outdoors, being your own good manager rather than a punishing taskmaster. And we go into the cognitive reframe too — how to notice anxiety, accept that it's normal, and then, instead of fighting it, let the bullet fly for a while and wait for the reasoning brain to boot up. If you're on an uphill stretch lately, we hope this one lets you breathe out. It isn't that you're not good enough — it's that the road up was always going to be hard. Your hosts: Zhihui: Based in China. A registered dietitian and product manager at a start-up — she makes a living studying food, and unwinds by "talking it out", forever exploring the possibilities of life and self. ENFJ, Sagittarius; high-spirited, soft on the inside. Cuicui: Based in the UK. An engineering PhD candidate and devoted life-experiment enthusiast, flowing her own path like a river — from a Nanjing start-up, to a Beijing tech giant, to an English campus. INFJ, Aries; understated and reserved, with a rebel streak. Timeline Part 1 — The Moments Anxiety Peaked * 00:00 Today, we want to talk about anxiety * 01:11 Zhihui: the peak of these past few months — winding myself up * 04:20 Cuicui: it started with exams as a student, anxious at every gate * 06:50 Stress ≠ anxiety: anxiety adds a layer of "I might not make it through" * 09:00 The higher the cortisol before, the higher the dopamine after * 10:40 Watching a film with a heart monitor on: anxiety shows up in the body * 12:56 Each peak higher than the last: go abroad or stay — the anxiety of a life choice Part 2 — Where Anxiety Comes From: The Neuroscience in the Mirror * 14:55 Our choices run on intuition, yet we keep trying to quantify them rationally * 17:20 Thinking, Fast and Slow: System 1 (intuition) and System 2 (reason) * 19:44 Three brains: instinct, emotion, reason — the reasoning brain is the youngest project manager * 21:44 Intuition is sometimes right: procrastination may be intuition saying "no rush" * 23:25 Necessary anxiety: it's reminding you that you care, that you want to do well * 24:23 Perfectionism, the hidden culprit: not just doing it yourself, but doing it to 100 Part 3 — When Anxiety Hits: The First-Aid Kit * 29:40 Step one: notice it, accept that it's a normal emotion * 30:30 My anxiety signals: racing heart, frantic texting, scrolling till I black out * 33:00 Box breathing: exhale longer than you inhale to engage the parasympathetic system * 33:28 Five-senses grounding (54321): shift attention to something you can see and touch * 34:17 Can't get out of bed? Get up first: a step with almost no cost to take * 36:07 Too anxious to sit still, so I walk it off — to the little woods, to the riverside * 39:45 Stop being your own taskmaster, be a good manager: put rest on the to-do list too Part 4 — Going Deeper: Living with Anxiety * 41:38 There was no turning point, just a long process: from studying management to understanding myself * 43:30 I set out to manage others, only to find I couldn't understand myself * 49:40 Zhihui's limiting belief: I must allow myself to be anxious * 51:25 Don't fight anxiety, play with it a while; Cuicui: I call it a dam * 54:30 Let the bullet fly: when anxiety comes, just let it be anxious for a bit * 56:08 A cognitive reframe: anxiety = I can't → anxiety = I'm climbing * 58:10 Control what you can, let go of what you can't, and have the wisdom to tell them apart * 59:05 Closing: not becoming someone who never feels anxious, but letting ourselves move forward with it Books Mentioned in This Episode Thinking, Fast and Slow (Daniel Kahneman) Past Episodes Referenced 🎧 EP02 🎧 EP13 🎧 EP16

520 这周，我们不聊爱情，聊一件更浪漫的事——我们眼中的男性魅力。 最近我们都遇见了一些帅哥，不论是现实生活中的偶遇，还是影视剧集中的角色，那些被我们看见的“帅”，始于颜值层面，但惊艳于某种内在品质。 儒雅、机智、温柔的力量感、敢上天入地的勇气、懂得尊重的男子气概等等，都是我们眼中的理想型特质。 我们慢慢意识到：我们觉得有魅力的特质，常常就是我们自己想要、但还没长出来的那一部分，这就不止是“男性魅力”的事了。 我们都在魅力男性身上找到自己缺的那一块：翠翠把一位温柔男士对她说话的方式内化进了自我对话；至卉则从男性的野心里偷一点为自己撑场子的勇气。 伟大的灵魂，都是雌雄同体的。 愿你听完也为自己更新一份「理想型清单」。不是为了找谁，而是为了认领你身上正在长出来的那一部分。 本期主播： 至卉：生活在中国，注册营养师兼创业公司产品经理，职业上靠研究食物谋生，生活中靠“用嘴表达”解压，持续探索生活与自我的可能性。ENFJ射手，激情高昂，内心柔软。 翠翠：生活在英国，工科博士在读，生活方式试验爱好者，从南京初创公司到北京大厂再到英格兰校园，像河一样流出自己的人生路径。INFJ白羊，平淡内敛，一身反骨。 时间轴 Part 1 我们眼里有谁? * 00:00 520 这周，我们不聊爱情，聊一件更浪漫的事 * 00:38 船员小哥：男人最好的医美，是他的摄影技术 * 04:09 帅气老登：儒雅耐心的眼科主任医师 * 06:05 男主巡礼：张凌赫《逐玉》、韩东君《装腔启示录》、李现《春风寄情人》 * 09:03 翠翠的理想型：翩翩公子、温润如玉、聪慧的大脑、文艺的爱好 * 13:00 至卉的理想型：勇敢与力量，于万军中取上将首级 * 16:36 尊重女性，平等对话，才更显男子气概 Part 2 为什么是这些特质：镜子里的我们 * 17:36 每个人的审美都折射出自己 * 18:59 你想要、但还没达到的，会落在理想型的池子里 * 19:22 没被父亲温柔对待的童年，让我无法抵抗温柔属性 * 22:45 勇敢是什么？是少数人有但我想要的品质 * 25:07 我们通过这些人，知道自己向往哪些品质 Part 3 以人为镜，借光生长 * 25:40 吸星大法，用魅力男性的特质养育自己 * 27:40 我把温柔男士的对话，内化成了我跟自己说话的方式 * 29:29 温柔不是软弱，是非暴力的沟通方式 * 32:45 女性受欺负时，也可以学习男性的力量来捍卫自己 * 37:20 男性的野心+女性的共情力：女性搞事业的王炸组合 Part 4 雌雄同体的人们 * 42:08 伟大的灵魂，都是雌雄同体的 * 42:39 稀缺的性别特质都是绝杀：女性的野心、男性的谦逊 * 44:33 魅力的对立面，是映射了我们自身的不足，也要学会接纳 * 46:00 勇敢不是不会害怕，是害怕，还能往前冲 这期里出现过的人和作品 剧集：《装腔启示录》《白日提灯》《春风寄情人》《神探夏洛克》《逐玉》 演员：张凌赫、韩东君、李现、陈飞宇 节目里提到的往期单集 🎧EP12 女性主义×男子气概：从《蓝眼武士》到《非穷尽列举》 置顶图片扫码解锁更多【养自己啊】深度内容 💬 粉丝群 | 节目更新，聊天交流，分享你的“养自己”瞬间 📖 公众号 | 未讲完的故事，主播专栏，文字版陪伴 EP17 People as Mirrors | Through Charismatic Men, the Shape We're Quietly Growing Into It's 520 this week — the Chinese date that sounds like wǒ ài nǐ ("I love you"), an unofficial Valentine's. Instead of talking about love, we're talking about something even more romantic — the kind of male charisma that catches our eye. Lately, we've both come across some impressive guys — whether in real-life encounters or characters from films and shows. The “attractiveness” we noticed started with good looks, but what truly amazed us were certain inner qualities. Gentleness, intelligence, quiet strength, courage that dares to conquer the world, and a masculinity rooted in respect — these are the traits we find most compelling. We gradually realised: the qualities we find attractive in others are often the very ones we long for — but haven't fully grown into yet. So it's no longer just about “male charisma.” Each of us has found a missing piece in a charismatic man: Cuicui learned how a gentle friend spoke to her and internalised it into her own self-talk. Zhihui, on the other hand, wants to borrow a little of that male ambition to summon more courage for herself. Great souls are androgynous. We hope that after listening, you’ll update your own “ideal type checklist” — not to go looking for someone else, but to recognise the parts of yourself that are still growing. The hosts Zhihui | Based in China. Registered dietitian and product manager at a start-up — researches food for a living, decompresses by talking things out, and keeps experimenting with what life and a self can be. ENFJ Sagittarius: high-voltage on the outside, soft on the inside. Cuicui | Based in the UK. Engineering PhD in progress, lifestyle-experimentation enthusiast. From a Nanjing start-up, to a Beijing tech giant, to an English campus — her path winding the way a river finds its own. INFJ Aries: outwardly even-keeled, with a streak of rebellion underneath. Timestamps Part 1 — Who we've been noticing * 00:00 A 520 week, but not a love episode * 00:38 The boat crew guy – the best cosmetic surgery for a man is his photography skills. * 04:09 The charming old man – a gentle, patient ophthalmologist. * 06:05 A tour of our favourite male characters: Zhang Linghe in Zhu Yu, Han Dongjun in The Insiders, Li Xian in Spring Winds, Beloved. * 09:03 Cuicui’s ideal type: graceful, warm as jade, a sharp mind, cultured hobbies. * 13:00 Zhihui’s ideal type: brave and strong – the kind who can charge into battle and take the enemy general’s head. * 16:36 Respecting women and having equal conversations – that’s what real masculinity looks like. Part 2 — Why these qualities? The mirrors in us * 17:36 Our taste in others reflects ourselves. * 18:59 The qualities you want but haven’t yet achieved – they fall into your “ideal type” pool. * 19:22 A childhood without a gentle father makes it impossible to resist tenderness as an adult. * 22:45 What is courage? A quality few have – but one I want. * 25:07 Through these people, we discover which qualities we aspire to. Part 3 — People as mirrors, growing by borrowed light * 25:40 Absorbing their strengths – nurturing ourselves with the traits of charismatic men. * 27:40 I internalised the way a gentle man spoke to me – now that’s how I talk to myself. * 29:29 Gentleness is not weakness – it’s a non‑violent way of communicating. * 32:45 When women face mistreatment, we can also learn from masculine strength to defend ourselves. * 37:20 Male ambition + female empathy – the ultimate power combo for women in their careers. Part 4 — The androgynous among us * 42:08 Great souls are androgynous. * 42:39 Rare gender traits are game‑changers: ambition in women, humility in men. * 44:33 The opposite of charm often mirrors our own shortcomings – and we need to accept those too. * 46:00 Courage isn’t the absence of fear – it’s being afraid and still moving forward. People and works mentioned Dramas: Fake It Till You Make It《装腔启示录》, Love Beyond the Grave《白日提灯》, Will Love in Spring《春风寄情人》, Sherlock《神探夏洛克》, Pursuing the Jade《逐玉》 Actors: Zhang Linghe 张凌赫, Han Dongjun 韩东君, Li Xian 李现，Chen Feiyu 陈飞宇 A past episode we touched on 🎧 EP12 Feminism × Masculinity: from Blue Eye Samurai to Inter Alia

在职老狗×读博留子，聊聊那股说不清的疲惫从哪儿来。班味儿到底是什么呢？是上班的"班"，还是更广义的那种"我应该是怎样、可现在变成了另一个样子"的疲惫？ 本期主播： 至卉：营养师，住在南京，在职老狗，最近在练习离开办公室就完全不想工作。 翠翠：工科博士生，住在英国，读博留子，正在和那个住在心里的资本家慢慢和解。 录这期的时候，我俩开场互问：「此时此刻，你觉得我有班味儿吗？」结果两个人都说"觉得对方比我好多了"——果然人看自己看别人都是带着滤镜的。 我们慢慢聊到一个让自己有点心惊的点：原来很多时候，不是工作把我们变成了这样，是我们把工作上的行为模式内化成了自己和自己的关系模式。考98分要追问那2分错在哪、努力120%才算努力、苦劳像一种必须缴的税——这些声音从教育体系、原生家庭、文化期待慢慢搬进了我们脑子里，最后我们甚至不需要老板了，自己就能把自己用到力竭。 那这一身班味儿，怎么去？我们没有给出锦囊妙计，只是各自分享了一些笨拙的尝试：去看见那个自我批评的声音，听听它像谁在说话；允许自己什么都不做，比如晒一下午太阳；把"休息"放进必须完成的工作清单里；在内心多攒几个温柔朋友的声音，让它们替换掉那些严苛的声音。 不是关于变得更好，是关于允许自己：专注当下，把自己的感受放在第一位。 希望你听完，能稍微松一口气。 时间轴 Part 1 班味儿到底是个什么味儿？ * 00:00 此时此刻，你觉得我有班味儿吗？ * 00:49 衣柜打开全是职业风，连出门玩的衣服都很「正经」 * 02:09 「我一直处于一种活人微死的状态」 * 04:53 不修边幅的实习生 vs 朴素却精神的保洁阿姨——班味儿不在外表，在状态 * 06:09 班味儿是什么：上班这件事让你不再是真实的自己 * 06:38 这个「班」一定是上班的班吗？读博、做播客算不算？ * 08:08 「如果你爱上班，那上班就是纵欲，不是自律」 Part 2 同样的人，为什么换了身份还有班味儿？ * 12:54 压力最大那年，我跑去柏林、奥斯陆，背着电脑工作 * 14:47 上班4年没像读博这么加班过——博士阶段让我"快死了" * 15:39 班味儿到「班癌」：连吃饭、买衣服、睡觉都成了问题 * 19:33 我自己给自己当资本家，比真老板还狠 * 23:53 学校是象牙塔？这是一个误解 * 26:08 职场至少有劳动法和加班费的共识，学术界没有 * 28:22 老板画饼 vs 学术界画饼：成功就发一篇好论文，失败就是一颗弃子 * 32:34 血酬：拿心血去换酬劳，但那个酬可能根本就没有 Part 3 看见那个声音，允许自己什么都不做 * 33:54 工作是为了生活——把工作当组间休息 * 36:55 「我的休息和充能是必要的，跟工作优先级相同，甚至更高一些」 * 37:21 毛主席太有智慧了：会休息的人才会工作 * 39:36 你自我批评时的那个语气，最像谁在说话？ * 41:25 当你看见山的时候，你就在山之外 * 42:33 内化温柔朋友的声音，替换掉那些严苛的声音 * 44:43 一个晒太阳 + 刺绣的下午：什么都没做，但充能很多 * 47:18 清明假期意外遇到一株网红绣球花的下午 * 49:12 祛斑味的底层：允许自己专注当下，把自己的体验放在第一位 提到的几个概念 血酬｜出自经济学者吴思的《血酬定律》。我们在节目里用了这个意象——拿身心健康去换那点不一定能拿到的酬劳，初期是班味儿，后期是「班癌」。 会休息的人才会工作｜毛泽东的话。把"休息"和"充能"放进必须完成的工作清单里，而不是工作之后的奖励。 内化的他人 | 心理学里有一脉叫客体关系理论，讲的是我们会把成长中重要他人的声音内化进心里，那个批评你的声音其实经常不是你自己。看见它、给它找到来源，你就和它分开了。 节目里提到的往期单集 🎧EP15 成年人的友谊 | 向深处扎根，往远处生长 我们聊到「成为自己的朋友」「内化朋友的声音作为自我对话模板」这条线，最早是在上一期友谊里展开的。如果想把这一集的"听见严苛声音"这个动作做得更完整，可以一起听。 🎧EP02 驱散焦灼心情的五感着陆小魔法，重新养育幸福力 节目中段提到的「五感着陆」具体方法，详细聊在这一期里。当焦虑感冒出来不知道怎么办，可以参考这一期的小工具。 置顶图片扫码，解锁更多【养自己啊】深度内容 💬 粉丝群 | 节目更新，聊天交流，分享你的“养自己”瞬间 📖 公众号 | 未讲完的故事，主播专栏，文字版陪伴 EP16 Office aura is the smell of rubber burning — your own A working veteran and a doctoral runaway unpack where that bone-deep tiredness really comes from. Is "office aura" really about going to an office? Or is it something broader — that fatigue of "I should be one kind of person, but somehow I've turned into another"? Hosts Zhihui | Nutritionist based in Nanjing, a seasoned workplace veteran, currently practising the radical art of not thinking about work the moment she leaves the office. Cuicui | Engineering PhD student based in the UK, in her doctoral runaway era, slowly making peace with the inner capitalist who's been living rent-free in her head. We opened this recording by asking each other: "Right now, do you think I have any office aura on me?" Both of us said some version of "honestly, you look way better off than I am" — turns out we look at ourselves and at each other through completely different filters. We slowly arrived at a slightly unsettling realisation: a lot of the time, it isn't work that turned us into this. It's that we've internalised the behavioural patterns of work into the relationship between us and ourselves. The voice that asked "where did the other 2 marks go?" when we scored 98 in school. The cultural script that says "you must give 120%". The vague conviction that hard work itself — even unrewarded, even self-destructive — is a kind of tax we owe. These voices crept in from school, from family, from the wider culture, until eventually we didn't need a boss at all. We could exhaust ourselves perfectly fine on our own. So how do you get the aura off? We didn't come up with a clever framework. We just shared some clumsy attempts: noticing that self-critical voice and asking who it sounds like; allowing ourselves to do nothing — a whole afternoon of sun and embroidery, no productivity required; putting "rest" on the must-do list rather than the reward list; collecting the voices of gentle friends and letting them replace the harsh ones in our heads. This episode isn't about becoming better. It's about giving ourselves permission — to stay present, and to put our own felt experience first. We hope you finish listening with a small sigh of relief. Timestamps Part 1 What does this "office aura" actually feel like? * 00:00 Right now, do you think I have any office aura on me? * 00:49 Opening her wardrobe and finding nothing but office wear — even the travel clothes look formal * 02:09 "I've been living in a kind of half-dead state for a while" * 04:53 A scruffy intern vs a beaming cleaner — office aura isn't about how you dress, it's about your state * 06:09 Defining it: office aura is when work has stopped you from being your real self * 06:38 Does it have to be an actual office? What about a PhD, or running a podcast? * 08:08 "If you love exercising, daily workouts are indulgence, not discipline. If you love working, work is indulgence, not discipline." Part 2 Same person, different role — why is the aura still there? * 12:54 The year I was most stressed, I flew to Berlin and Oslo and worked from there * 14:47 Four years in the workplace and I never overworked like this — the PhD nearly killed me * 15:39 From "office aura" to "office cancer": eating, sleeping, even buying clothes became problems * 19:33 I became my own capitalist — and turned out to be far crueller than any boss I'd had * 23:53 "The university is an ivory tower" — turns out that's a misconception * 26:08 Workplaces at least have labour laws and overtime norms. Academia has neither. * 28:22 Bosses dangling carrots vs academia dangling carrots: succeed and you publish a great paper, fail and you're a discarded pawn * 32:34 Xue chou — trading your blood for wages, except the wages might never come Part 3 See the voice. Allow yourself to do nothing. * 33:54 Work is for living — treat work as an interval rest between the things that actually matter * 36:55 "Rest and recharging are necessary. They have the same priority as work, possibly higher." * 37:21 Mao got it right: only those who know how to rest know how to work * 39:36 When you criticise yourself, whose voice does it sound most like? * 41:25 When you can see the mountain, you're already outside it * 42:33 Internalise the voices of your gentle friends — let them replace the harsh ones * 44:43 An afternoon of sun and embroidery: did nothing, recharged enormously * 47:18 Stumbling into a famous hydrangea bush during an unplanned Qingming holiday * 49:12 The bedrock of getting the aura off: allow yourself to be fully present, and put your own felt experience first Concepts mentioned Xue chou (血酬) | From Wu Si's economic study The Law of Xue Chou. We borrowed the imagery: trading your physical and mental health for compensation that may never arrive. The early stage is "office aura"; the late stage is what we jokingly call "office cancer". "Only those who know how to rest know how to work" | Mao Zedong. Put rest and recharging on your must-do list, not your reward-after-work list. The internalised other | There's a strand of psychology called Object Relations Theory — it describes how we take in the voices of significant people from our upbringing and house them inside ourselves. The voice criticising you is often not actually you. See it, name its source, and you've already separated from it. Past episodes referenced in this one 🎧 EP15 Adult friendships | Rooted in depth, reaching into the distance The thread we pulled on here — "becoming your own friend", "internalising friends' voices as a template for self-talk" — was first opened up in our last episode on friendship. If you want to take this episode's act of "hearing the harsh voice" further, listen to that one alongside. 🎧 EP02 Five-sense grounding: a small piece of magic for dispelling anxiety, and re-parenting your capacity for joy The "five-sense grounding" technique mentioned mid-episode is unpacked properly there. When anxiety surges and you don't know what to do, that's the episode for the practical toolkit. If you have your own version of office aura, or your own clumsy ways of getting it off, do drop us a comment. You're also welcome to scan in and join our listener group to keep the conversation going.

三十多岁，忽然发现朋友圈的地基在松动——有人走了，有人远了，有人还在但关系变了。 至卉说"我没有朋友会死"，翠翠说"我的旧结构崩掉了， 新的还没建起来"。这期我们从各自的友谊现状出发，聊了成年人交朋友为什么那么难、友谊分手为什么那么疼、怎么和老朋友走进新关系，以及——为什么最终还是要学会和自己做朋友。 本期主播： 至卉：生活在中国，注册营养师兼创业公司产品经理，职业上靠研究食物谋生，生活中靠“用嘴表达”解压，持续探索生活与自我的可能性。ENFJ射手，激情高昂，内心柔软。 翠翠：生活在英国，工科博士在读，生活方式试验爱好者，从南京初创公司到北京大厂再到英格兰校园，像河一样流出自己的人生路径。INFJ白羊，平淡内敛，一身反骨。 时间戳 Part 1 30多岁的友谊长什么样 * 00:03 开场：生活一直在变，朋友圈也在流动，今天聊聊我们和朋友的故事 * 00:44 四层友谊圈——熟人、普通朋友、密友、挚友； * 02:36 朋友是自己选择的家人，朋友圈还在搭建 * 05:33 成年人交朋友，从被动相遇到主动选择的转变 * 08:19 人和人之间的"磁场"：选谁当朋友，身体帮你做的选择 Part 2 成年人友谊的流动与阵痛 * 09:52成年人的友谊为什么这么难？时间精力有限、自我认知太明确、磨合成本变高了 * 12:57 友谊建立略：主动出击大法 vs 放飞自我路线 * 21:08 至卉和翠翠的友谊是怎么从少年走到现在的 * 23:28 成年人的友谊分手，是必然也是真的会痛 Part 3 健康友谊形态助力自我养育 * 30:36 健康友谊的距离感：不仰望不俯视，不越界但永远站在你这边 * 35:52 令人窒息的友谊，源于那些无意识的行为模式 * 38:25 朋友多而广 vs 少而精：从"渴望深度链接"到"玩得愉快就好" * 42:28 跨领域跨国籍友谊，通过朋友看世界 * 47:58 朋友网就是安全网，搭建滋养自我的朋友圈 * 49:18 成为自己的朋友，把对别人的善意先给自己 延伸阅读 * 📖 Marisa G. Franco《Platonic》— 用依附理论解读成人友谊 * 📖 Robin Dunbar 的社交层级理论 — 最内层约5个至亲密友 * 📖 Laura Carstensen 的社会情绪选择理论 — 朋友变少不是退化，是精选 置顶图片扫码，解锁更多【养自己啊】深度内容 💬 粉丝群 | 节目更新，聊天交流，分享你的“养自己”瞬间 📖 公众号 | 未讲完的故事，主播专栏，文字版陪伴 Adult friendships | Rooted in depth, reaching into the distance What happens to your friendships when life keeps reshuffling the deck? Zhihui declares she'd perish without friends; Cuicui admits her old social structure has collapsed and the new one is still under construction. In this episode, the two hosts trade honest stories about why making friends as an adult feels so much harder than it used to, the particular sting of a friendship breakup (and why society doesn't really let you grieve one), the art of finding the right distance in close friendships, and what it means to cross cultural lines for connection — from awkward hugs to halal restaurants to wartime communities. The conversation arrives, as it always does on this podcast, at the question of self-nurturing: could the most important friendship be the one you build with yourself? Timestamps Part 1: What Friendship Looks Like in Your 30s * 00:03 Opening: Life keeps changing, and so do our social circles. Today we're talking about our friendships. * 00:44 Four layers of friendship: acquaintances, casual friends, close friends, and best friends * 02:36 Friends are the family we choose for ourselves – and we're still building ours * 05:33 Making friends as adults: from passive encounters to active choices * 08:19 The "vibe" between people: letting your body help you decide who to befriend Part 2: The Fluidity and Growing Pains of Adult Friendships * 09:52 Why is adult friendship so hard? Limited time and energy, clear self-awareness, higher costs of adjusting to each other * 12:57 Friendship‑building strategies: the "take the initiative" approach vs. the "let it happen" approach * 21:08 How Zhihui and Cuicui's friendship grew from childhood to now * 23:28 Adult friendship breakups: inevitable, and genuinely painful Part 3: Healthy Friendships as a Way to Nurture Yourself * 30:36 Healthy distance in friendship: neither looking up nor down, not overstepping, but always on your side * 35:52 Suffocating friendships often come from unconscious behaviour patterns * 38:25 Many friends vs. a few close ones: from "craving deep connection" to "just having a good time" * 42:28 Cross‑field, cross‑cultural friendships – seeing the world through friends * 47:58 Your friend network is your safety net – build a circle that nourishes you * 49:18 Becoming your own friend: turn the kindness you give to others toward yourself first Further reading * 📖 Marisa G. Franco, Platonic — the science of attachment applied to adult friendship * 📖 Robin Dunbar's social layers model — we can only maintain about 5 truly close friends * 📖 Laura Carstensen's socioemotional selectivity theory — having fewer friends with age is pruning, not decline

两个在初创和大厂之间反复横跳的人，终于坐下来把这些年的职业弯路摊开聊了聊。不是什么逆袭故事，就是普通人在"我到底想干什么"这个问题上，摸爬滚打了十年之后的一些真心话。如果你也正处在职业迷茫期，也许会在我们的故事里找到一点共鸣和陪伴。 本期主播： 至卉：生活在中国，注册营养师兼创业公司产品经理，职业上靠研究食物谋生，生活中靠“用嘴表达”解压，持续探索生活与自我的可能性。ENFJ射手，激情高昂，内心柔软。 翠翠：生活在英国，工科博士在读，生活方式试验爱好者，从南京初创公司到北京大厂再到英格兰校园，像河一样流出自己的人生路径。INFJ白羊，平淡内敛，一身反骨。 时间戳 Part 1 我们的十年职业经历 00:00 在社会上十年，两个普通女性混成了啥样？ 01:50 翠翠：职业起点就在初创公司，三年爱过也恨过 04:20 翠翠：放弃体面岗位，奔赴专业领域，辞职出国读博 09:23 至卉：脱不下孔乙己的长衫，结果只是大厂纺织女工 12:56 至卉：上市集团到草台班子，落差下探索喜欢的领域 Part 2 学到的本事和踩过的坑 13:48 大公司VS初创，通用技能VS十项全能 19:55 工作是拿时间换想要的东西，不必面面俱到赢得上级认可 23:23 小公司灵活自由的另一面 25:54 逃离渣男式的跳槽是跳火坑，知己知彼才是正解 30:53 拿回主动权，建立护城河，不再把职业选择权交给别人 Part 3 本命职业路径的探索 33:12 走过的路，都算数 35:36 我也想被大佬带飞，没有大佬我就成为那个大佬 38:27 天降真命天子不存在，本命职业也不是完美匹配 41:25 不去找正确答案，而是注重自我感受 45:53 别人眼里的风光VS自己眼里的价值 49:09 五年后的职业期待：开花结果，成为大佬 延伸阅读 / 相关推荐 * 知己知彼，百战不殆 ——《孙子兵法》 * 职业教练 / 职业咨询：如果你也在迷茫期，找专业的人聊聊也许会有帮助 置顶图片扫码，解锁更多【养自己啊】深度内容 💬 粉丝群 | 节目更新，聊天交流，分享你的“养自己”瞬间 📖 公众号 | 未讲完的故事，主播专栏，文字版陪伴 How Many Wrong Turns Before You Find Your Path? About This Episode Two women who've spent a decade bouncing between startups and big corporates finally sit down to untangle their career journeys. This isn't a success story — it's an honest look at what happens when you don't have a grand plan, when you pick jobs the way you might pick a rebound relationship, and when the path you're drawn to doesn't come with a manual or a mentor. If you're in the middle of your own career fog, there might be something here for you. Timestamps Part 1: Our Decade in the Working World * 00:00 After ten years out there, where have two ordinary women ended up? * 01:50 Cuicui: Started her career at a startup — three years of devotion and heartbreak * 04:20 Cuicui: Walking away from a comfortable position to chase her professional edge — quitting to pursue a PhD abroad * 09:23 Zhihui: Clinging to the "elite graduate" identity, only to find herself a factory worker at a loom in big tech * 12:56 Zhihui: From a listed corporate to a scrappy little team — finding what she actually loves through the free fall Part 2: Lessons Learnt and Potholes Hit * 13:48 Big company vs startup: being a polished cog vs becoming a Swiss army knife * 19:55 Work is trading your time for what you want — you don't have to be perfect at everything to earn approval * 23:23 The flip side of startup freedom * 25:54 Jumping ship like you're fleeing a bad relationship can land you in another fire — know yourself and your target first * 30:53 Taking back control, building your own moat, and refusing to hand your career choices to someone else Part 3: Finding Your True Calling * 33:12 Every road you've walked counts for something * 35:36 I wanted someone brilliant to show me the way — if that person doesn't exist, I'll become them myself * 38:27 There's no dream job falling from the sky — your calling isn't a perfect match waiting to be found * 41:25 Stop hunting for the "right answer" — start listening to how you actually feel * 45:53 What others call success vs what feels valuable to you * 49:09 Five years from now: blooming, bearing fruit, and becoming that person you once wished would mentor you Further Reading * "Know yourself, know your opponent" — The Art of War by Sun Tzu * Career coaching: if you're in a fog, talking to a professional can genuinely help

两个完美主义的人，在高压到快要崩溃的边缘，反而体验到了一种意外的轻盈。 最近翠翠和至卉都经历了各自人生中一次不小的冒险——至卉第一次赴美出差16天，从零开始开拓供应商资源；翠翠则在大英图书馆用英语完成了一场学术汇报，还一手组织了一场跨文化社交活动。 准备了120%却只用上60%，睡了两小时却聊出了最真诚的对话，放弃了逐字稿却收获了全场的笑声。 关于突破、恐惧、放手、关于播下种子然后静待花开。 本期主播： 至卉：生活在中国，注册营养师兼创业公司产品经理，职业上靠研究食物谋生，生活中靠“用嘴表达”解压，持续探索生活与自我的可能性。 翠翠：生活在英国，工科博士在读，生活方式试验爱好者，从南京初创公司到北京大厂再到英格兰校园，像河一样流出自己的人生路径。 时间轴 Part1 两个完美主义者的宁古塔开荒记 00:05 开场：消失日子里我们去哪了？我们经历的高压突破时刻 01:17 "宁古塔"是什么梗？海外生活好似流放苦寒之地 03:45 首次赴美开荒，四线任务并行，提前三个月焦虑得喘不过气 06:48 完美主义者的过度准备：还没出国就下载了10多个海外App 08:42 "60%法则"：准备100%用到60%——下次是不是准备80%就够了？ Part2 崩溃到无法再完美，不如放飞自我 11:58 从牺牲睡眠到放过自己，任务完不成我还是要睡觉 17:31 不再为汇报写逐字稿，我不管了，PPT就交给Claude做吧 21:43 "微醺状态"的意外收获：放下掌控欲，放飞自我状态更好 23:50 完美主义的背后：害怕自己还不够优秀？ Part3 身份与思维的跃迁，能力在崩溃中长出来 27:07 从零开始组织一场社交活动，我终于邀请到心仪嘉宾 36:31 如果一个人搞不定，那就找人来帮忙 41:58 信心大增的瞬间：与老外畅聊的会谈，LinkedIn上的长篇赞美 Part4 接受情绪，相信自己，迎接挑战 45:12 焦虑和畏难情绪总会出现，但请永远相信自己 55:16 花园种地的隐喻：播种三年后冒出的牡丹，和那些看不见的生长 58:51 做三四月的事，在八九月自有答案，或者明年八九月 延伸阅读 / 相关推荐 * 播客往期相关：EP07 我们和第二语言的相爱相杀（语言焦虑主题的延续） * 概念延伸："宁古塔"原为清代流放之地，在海外留学/工作群体中成为调侃异国艰苦生活的梗 * 至卉提到的工具：ChatGPT（商务英文邮件辅助）、各类美国生活APP * 翠翠提到的工具：Claude（AI辅助做PPT和准备汇报） 置顶图片扫码，解锁更多【养自己啊】深度内容 💬 粉丝群 | 节目更新，聊天交流，分享你的“养自己”瞬间 📖 公众号 | 未讲完的故事，主播专栏，文字版陪伴 The perfectionist's frontier experiment: learning to let go at the edge of collapse About this episode Cuicui and Zhihui have both been through the wringer lately — and they're finally ready to talk about it. Zhihui flew to the US for her very first solo business trip, spending 16 days sourcing suppliers across three states with nothing but 156 carefully drafted emails and a boss who wanted to see an NBA game. Meanwhile, Cuicui gave a research talk at the British Library and single-handedly organised a networking event for PhD students, all whilst running on two hours of sleep and a prayer. What they discovered in the process surprised them both: that their perfectionist instinct to prepare 120% actually only needed about 60% to land well. That the best conversations happened when they were too exhausted to rehearse. That speakers appeared as if by magic once they put their intention out into the world. And that growth — much like the peony bulbs quietly sprouting in Cuicui's neglected garden — sometimes happens underground, long before you see anything bloom. Timestamps Part 1 — Two perfectionists on a frontier adventure * 00:05 Opening: where we've been, and the high-pressure breakthroughs we've each been through * 01:17 The "Ninggu Tower" joke: life abroad as exile to a cold, barren frontier * 03:45 Zhihui's first US trip: four parallel workstreams, three months of anxiety before even boarding the plane * 06:48 The perfectionist's over-preparation: downloading a dozen apps before leaving the country * 08:42 The "60% rule": we prepared 100%, used 60% — could 80% be enough next time? Part 2 — Too burnt out for perfection, so we winged it * 11:58 From sacrificing sleep to letting go: the task can wait, but I still need to sleep * 17:31 No more memorising scripts: handing the slides to Claude and calling it a day * 21:43 The unexpected gift of exhaustion: loosening the grip, finding a better flow * 23:50 What's behind the perfectionism: the fear of not being good enough Part 3 — Identity shifts — capability growing through near-collapse * 27:07 Organising a networking event from scratch, and finally landing the dream speakers * 36:31 When you can't do it alone, ask for help * 41:58 Moments of breakthrough: a free-flowing chat with an American contact, surprise praise on LinkedIn Part 4 — Sit with the feelings, trust yourself, and keep going * 45:12 Anxiety and self-doubt will always show up — but so will you * 55:16 The garden metaphor: peonies that took three years to emerge, and the seeds we can't yet see * 58:51 Do the work of March and April; the answers will come in August or September — or maybe next year Further reading * Related episode: EP07 — Our love-hate relationship with a second language * Cultural note: "Ninggu Tower" (宁古塔) was a Qing dynasty exile destination — now used humorously by Chinese expats to describe the hardships of living abroad * Tools mentioned: ChatGPT (business email drafting), Claude (presentation prep)

从《蓝眼武士》聊起，聊到《非穷尽列举》《初步举证》《泳者之心》，听听我们从这些电影剧集里汲取过哪些养分和勇气吧。 《泳者之心》Young Woman and the Sea 真实故事改编，1920年代Trudy Ederle在父权社会和体育界的双重压制下，成为首位游泳横渡英吉利海峡的女性。身体即抵抗，边界即宣言。 《蓝眼武士》Blue Eye Samurai 江户时代混血女子阿水女扮男装踏上复仇之路，副线是明美公主的觉醒。在没有你容身之处的世界里，给自己凿出一条路。 《初步举证》Prima Facie 顶尖刑事辩护律师Tessa，自己遭遇性侵后发现她一生捍卫的法律系统，对受害者有多不友善。当信念系统崩塌，你还剩下什么？ 《非穷尽列举》Inter Alia 同一剧作者Suzie Miller的续集。女法官Jessica，职业上是捍卫性暴力受害者的先锋，却在儿子被指控强奸时，发现自己的一切信仰都被放在天平上。当你既是规则的守护者，又是规则的囚徒——你怎么办？ 不认命，不服输，不放弃。愿我们都能在自己的故事里，成为不被定义的主角。 本期主播： 至卉：生活在中国，注册营养师兼创业公司产品经理，职业上靠研究食物谋生，生活中靠“用嘴表达”解压，持续探索生活与自我的可能性。 翠翠：生活在英国，工科博士在读，生活方式试验爱好者，从南京初创公司到北京大厂再到英格兰校园，像河一样流出自己的人生路径。 主播语录： * “明美一直知道自己的美貌和智慧是武器，她是如水的女人。” * “女性不要下牌桌。抗争不是因为一定能赢，而是因为你信这个东西。” * “纯粹的目标和信念没有为什么，如果一个人能找到不为什么也要达成的目标，那是一件很幸运的事。” * "我对我的职业有尊敬，我也不管你们对我有什么评价，这就是我的理想，你不能踩踏我的理想，你不能踩踏我的信仰，所以我必须抗争到底。" 时间轴 Part 1：不被定义的女性，在枷锁中活出自我 0:02:00 初遇《蓝眼武士》，非典型女主的暴力美学 0:04:30 明美：从被驯化的公主到自己的主人 0:09:46 阿水：极端的仇恨造就极致的强大 0:13:43 两种女性生存路径：活成男人VS如水智慧 0:19:14 不止于女性：配角和男性群像同样精彩 Part 2：隐形的围墙，当女性面对为男性设计的世界 0:22:50《非穷尽列举》：儿子性侵，法官妈妈怎么办 0:24:34 旧时代男子气概的阴影：女性成功=男人的威胁 0:30:28 女性的抗争，剧集中的女性们的非典型道路 0:36:55《初步举证》：从辩护律师到性侵受害者 0:41:35 坚持直面痛苦，遍体鳞伤也从不逃避 Part 3：不认命，不服输，不放弃 0:43:29 法律精神的信仰：抗争不是因为能赢，而是因为信 0:45:20 《泳者之心》的最后十海里，纯粹的信念没有为什么 0:47:05 坚信公平正义，“No is No” 0:48:28 还未完结的作品，期待女性角色的未来之路 置顶图片扫码，解锁更多【养自己啊】深度内容 💬 粉丝群 | 节目更新，聊天交流，分享你的“养自己”瞬间 📖 公众号 | 未讲完的故事，主播专栏，文字版陪伴 Episode Introduction We start with Blue Eye Samurai and journey through Inter Alia, Prima Facie, and Young Woman and the Sea—come and hear what nourishment and courage we've drawn from these films and series. Young Woman and the Sea—based on a true story. In the 1920s, Trudy Ederle, under the dual suppression of a patriarchal society and the sporting world, became the first woman to swim across the English Channel. Her body was her resistance, the boundary her declaration. Blue Eye Samurai—in the Edo period, mixed-race Mizu disguises herself as a man and embarks on a path of vengeance, whilst the subplot follows Princess Akemi's awakening. In a world with no place for you, carve out your own path. Prima Facie—top criminal defence barrister Tessa, after experiencing sexual assault herself, discovers just how hostile the legal system she spent her life defending is towards victims. When your belief system collapses, what do you have left? Inter Alia—a sequel by the same playwright, Suzie Miller. Female judge Jessica is a champion for victims of sexual violence in her career, yet when her son is accused of rape, she finds all her beliefs placed on the scales. When you are both guardian of the rules and prisoner of them—what do you do? Refuse to accept fate. Refuse to admit defeat. Refuse to give up. May we all become the undefined protagonists of our own stories.

当生存需求被满足后，我们花钱到底在买什么？存钱到底在存什么？什么才叫真正的“富有”？ 从春节期间的一次购物经历出发，我们聊了聊消费背后的心理，以及感受层面上我们和钱的关系变化。从至卉对于“商务感”的潜意识定义和只舍得为工作花钱的无意识消费观聊起，聊到为爱好、喜好和形象付费的愉悦感，再到消费行为背后的底层需求。 我们的消费行为真的满足了我们的需求吗？从满足多种需求的角度来看，如果价格贵的单品可以同时满足多种需求，相较于一件便宜商品满足单一需求，也许价格贵的反而更划算。 我们对省钱、存钱和划算，似乎也有考量和执念，往深处探索，我们在消费观与金钱观方面的变化受中国快速发展的时代背景和自身成长轨迹的影响，但是脑袋意识到了变化，感受和认知好像还没有完全跟上节奏。 来自小时候名为“延迟满足”、“限量满足”、“奖励性满足”的匮乏感之箭，如何在消费观、金钱观、价值观和配得感方面，击中三十多岁的我们？当下的喜欢很珍贵啊，成年后的我们怎样用新的方式对待自己的喜欢呢？ 过时的消费观念有时也会限制我们对外探索和持续创造，到底是“钱是生活的目的”，还是说“钱是支持我们寻找理想生活、创造理想生活的工具之一“呢？是金钱的数额带来安全感和富足感，还是美好的感受带来金钱的正向流动？ 来听听我们都是怎么聊的吧！边听边迎接火马年的丰盛和繁荣。财源滚滚、恭喜发财。 本期语录： * “如果一直要延迟满足，其实永远都不会被满足。” * “当下的喜欢很珍贵！同样的东西你现在喜欢，如果拖着拖着，可能后面就不喜欢了。” * “网球拍怎么会是我学好网球之后得到的奖励？它应该是我开始学网球时的基础配置啊。” * “你买什么能有愉悦感，体现的是你的内心世界。” * “如果能够分清楚哪些是来自于匮乏的欲望，哪些是真正让自己开心的事，那就真的不需要花多少钱。” * “存钱带来的是向外探索和选择的底气，不是为了买房子买豪车，它在那里就是我的底气。” * “如果只看收入、只看存款，我这几年绝对是负的。但如果看我现在的国际化社交圈、认知层面的提升、在不同环境下生存的自信，这些收益没有办法用钱衡量。” * “钱可以帮助我们快点变成富婆，但并不是成为富婆的唯一途径。” * ”富足是一种丰盛而繁荣的生命感受。“ 本期主播： 至卉：生活在中国，注册营养师兼创业公司产品经理，职业上靠研究食物谋生，生活中靠“用嘴表达”解压，持续探索生活与自我的可能性。 翠翠：生活在英国，工科博士在读，生活方式试验爱好者，从南京初创公司到北京大厂再到英格兰校园，像河一样流出自己的人生路径。 时间轴 Part 1：我们买的是什么？消费背后的真相 0:01:16 春节逛街，我为什么多花了一倍的钱？ 0:06:36 多花的钱，买的是“愉悦的体验”和“想要成为的自己” 0:09:12 配得感：要赚多少钱才配买一千块的衣服？ 0:13:30 延迟满足：学了大半年网球，等到何时才能奖励自己一支网球拍？ 0:18:25 消费观的代际差，消费心态还可以再养一养 Part 2：有钱花VS有财富，什么才是富足？ 0:23:23 欲望来自匮乏，真正的富足不一定要有很多钱 0:28:24 我迟早都是富婆，怎样才是富婆？ 0:31:28 留下来的才叫财富，花掉的那些只是“有钱花” 0:32:25 存钱带来的是向外探索和选择的底气 0:35:42 容错空间：给自己留点余地，存钱的心态才能平稳 Part 3: 我们与金钱的关系，滋养而非消耗 0:39:24 纵身一跃这几年没赚到钱，但赚到了更重要的东西 0:43:10 合乎情理比理性更重要：让我安心的理财方式就是最好的方式 0:45:18 从消耗到滋养：别再为买不买网球拍消耗自己了，买！ 0:46:33 富婆的终极定义：不是银行卡余额，而是“我值得”的感觉 0:47:47 恭喜发财，是祝愿你的生活丰盛而繁荣 你对金钱和消费有什么样的思考？欢迎留言和我们聊聊！ 置顶图片扫码，解锁更多【养自己啊】深度内容 💬 粉丝群 | 节目更新，聊天交流，分享你的“养自己”瞬间 📖 公众号 | 未讲完的故事，主播专栏，文字版陪伴 Episode Introduction Once our basic needs are met, what are we really buying when we spend money? What are we really saving when we save? And what does it truly mean to be "wealthy"? Starting from a shopping experience during Chinese New Year, we explored the psychology behind our spending. Beginning with Zhihui's subconscious definition of "professional style" and her unconscious tendency to only feel comfortable spending on work-related things, we talked about the pleasure of paying for hobbies, preferences, and personal image, and then delved into the deeper needs behind our spending behaviours. Does our spending actually fulfil our real needs? From a perspective of meeting multiple needs, if a pricier item can satisfy several needs at once, compared to a cheap item meeting just one, perhaps the expensive option is actually better value. We seem to have our own considerations and fixations around saving money, building savings, and getting good value. Digging deeper, our evolving attitudes towards spending and money have been shaped by China's rapid development and our own life trajectories. Our minds have registered the changes, but our feelings and perceptions haven't quite caught up. How do the arrows of scarcity from childhood—labelled "delayed gratification," "limited satisfaction," and "reward-based fulfilment"—strike us in our thirties, affecting our views on spending, money, values, and worthiness? What we like in the present moment is precious—as adults, how do we treat the things we love? Outdated spending habits can sometimes limit our outward exploration and ongoing creativity. Is money the purpose of life, or is it simply one of the tools that supports us in seeking and creating our ideal life? Is it the amount of money that brings security and abundance, or is it positive feelings that bring a healthy flow of money? Come and hear how we unpacked all of this! Listen along as you welcome the abundance and prosperity of the Year of the Fire Horse. May wealth flow your way—wishing you prosperity!