18.与焦虑共处 | 不是你不行,是你在走上坡路
养自己啊
这一期我们聊焦虑,不是教你怎么消灭它,是聊我们俩这些年怎么一边焦虑一边往前走的。
心跳快到睡前能听见,疯狂给朋友发短信,刷手机刷到忘了今天干过什么——这些我们都太熟了。我们把各自最狼狈的时刻摊开来聊:学生时代的考试、埋头干到口吃的硕士论文、挂着心电监测仪去看电影、决定要不要出国读博的那几个月……聊着聊着发现,好多焦虑其实是自己加给自己的:没人逼我们,是我们给自己当了个最严厉的监工,连睡觉都要逼自己好好睡。
那怎么办呢?我们聊了当下能用的急救办法:呼吸、五感着陆、出门暴走、做自己的好领导而不是苛刻监工。也聊了心理重构的那部分:怎么识别焦虑、接受它是正常的,然后不跟它打架,让子弹飞一会儿,等理智脑慢慢开机。
如果你最近也在走上坡路,愿这一期能让你松一口气。焦虑不是因为你不行,是因为上坡路本来就很难走。
本期主播:
至卉:生活在中国,注册营养师兼创业公司产品经理,职业上靠研究食物谋生,生活中靠“用嘴表达”解压,持续探索生活与自我的可能性。ENFJ射手,激情高昂,内心柔软。
翠翠:生活在英国,工科博士在读,生活方式试验爱好者,从南京初创公司到北京大厂再到英格兰校园,像河一样流出自己的人生路径。INFJ白羊,平淡内敛,一身反骨。
时间轴
Part 1 焦虑爆棚的那些时刻
* 00:00 今天我们想聊聊焦虑
* 01:11 至卉:最近几个月的焦虑巅峰,自己卷自己
* 04:20 翠翠:从学生时代的考试开始,一关一关地焦虑
* 06:50 压力 ≠ 焦虑:焦虑多了一层"我可能过不去"的预设
* 09:00 皮质醇有多高,后面的多巴胺就有多高
* 10:40 挂着心电监测仪去看电影:焦虑直接反映在身体上
* 12:56 一山更比一山高:出国还是留下,那几个月的人生选择焦虑
Part 2 焦虑从哪来:镜子里的脑科学
* 14:55 我们的选择是个偏直觉的过程,但我们总想理性量化
* 17:20《思考快与慢》:系统一(直觉)和系统二(理性)
* 19:44 三个脑袋:本能脑、情绪脑、理智脑——理智脑是最年轻的项目经理
* 21:44 直觉有时是准的:拖延,可能是直觉说"不用那么急"
* 23:25 必要的焦虑:它在提醒你重视、想表现好
* 24:23 完美主义这道暗题:不仅自己做,还要做到100分
Part 3 当焦虑来袭:表层急救包
* 29:40 第一步:识别它、接受它是正常情绪
* 30:30 我的焦虑信号:心跳快、疯狂发短信、刷手机刷到断片
* 33:00 盒式呼吸法:呼气长于吸气,激活副交感神经
* 33:28 五感着陆(54321):把注意力转到看得见摸得着的事物
* 34:17 起不来床就先起床:行动成本极低的一小步
* 36:07 焦虑很深坐不住,我就出去暴走,去小树林、去江边
* 39:45 别当自己的监工,当个好领导:放松也要放进 to-do list
Part 4 往根上走:与焦虑共处
* 41:38 没有转折点,是漫长的过程:从学管理到学着理解自己
* 43:30 想管别人,结果发现理解不了自己
* 49:40 至卉的限制性信念:要允许自己焦虑
* 51:25 不跟焦虑打架,跟它玩一玩;翠翠:我把它叫水坝
* 54:30 让子弹飞一会儿:焦虑来了,就让它焦虑一会儿
* 56:08 一次认知重构:焦虑 = 我不行 → 焦虑 = 我在走上坡路
* 58:10 掌控能掌控的,放手不能掌控的,用智慧分辨
* 59:05 收尾:不做永不焦虑的超人,允许自己带着焦虑往前走
这期里出现过的书
《思考快与慢》(丹尼尔·卡尼曼)
节目里提到的往期单集
🎧 EP02 驱散焦灼心情的五感着陆小魔法,重新养育幸福力
🎧 EP13 完美主义者的开荒实验:当我们终于在崩溃边缘学会放手
🎧 EP16 班味儿,是自我磨损的胶皮焦味
扫码解锁更多【养自己啊】深度内容
💬 粉丝群 | 节目更新,聊天交流,分享你的“养自己”瞬间
📖 公众号 | 未讲完的故事,主播专栏,文字版陪伴
Title:Living with Anxiety | It's Not That You Can't — You're Climbing
Intro
This episode is about anxiety — not how to defeat it, but how the two of us have spent these years moving forward while anxious.
A heart racing so hard you can hear it before sleep; firing off texts to friends; scrolling your phone until you can't remember what you did all day — we know all of this far too well. We lay out our most undone moments: exams as students, the master's thesis we ground through until we nearly stammered, sitting through a film with a heart monitor strapped on, the months spent deciding whether to go abroad for a PhD. Somewhere along the way we realised how much of it we pile on ourselves: nobody is forcing us — we've simply appointed ourselves the harshest supervisor we'll ever have, forcing ourselves even to sleep well.
So what helps? We talk through the in-the-moment rescues: breathing, five-senses grounding, walking it off outdoors, being your own good manager rather than a punishing taskmaster. And we go into the cognitive reframe too — how to notice anxiety, accept that it's normal, and then, instead of fighting it, let the bullet fly for a while and wait for the reasoning brain to boot up.
If you're on an uphill stretch lately, we hope this one lets you breathe out. It isn't that you're not good enough — it's that the road up was always going to be hard.
Your hosts:
Zhihui: Based in China. A registered dietitian and product manager at a start-up — she makes a living studying food, and unwinds by "talking it out", forever exploring the possibilities of life and self. ENFJ, Sagittarius; high-spirited, soft on the inside.
Cuicui: Based in the UK. An engineering PhD candidate and devoted life-experiment enthusiast, flowing her own path like a river — from a Nanjing start-up, to a Beijing tech giant, to an English campus. INFJ, Aries; understated and reserved, with a rebel streak.
Timeline
Part 1 — The Moments Anxiety Peaked
* 00:00 Today, we want to talk about anxiety
* 01:11 Zhihui: the peak of these past few months — winding myself up
* 04:20 Cuicui: it started with exams as a student, anxious at every gate
* 06:50 Stress ≠ anxiety: anxiety adds a layer of "I might not make it through"
* 09:00 The higher the cortisol before, the higher the dopamine after
* 10:40 Watching a film with a heart monitor on: anxiety shows up in the body
* 12:56 Each peak higher than the last: go abroad or stay — the anxiety of a life choice
Part 2 — Where Anxiety Comes From: The Neuroscience in the Mirror
* 14:55 Our choices run on intuition, yet we keep trying to quantify them rationally
* 17:20 Thinking, Fast and Slow: System 1 (intuition) and System 2 (reason)
* 19:44 Three brains: instinct, emotion, reason — the reasoning brain is the youngest project manager
* 21:44 Intuition is sometimes right: procrastination may be intuition saying "no rush"
* 23:25 Necessary anxiety: it's reminding you that you care, that you want to do well
* 24:23 Perfectionism, the hidden culprit: not just doing it yourself, but doing it to 100
Part 3 — When Anxiety Hits: The First-Aid Kit
* 29:40 Step one: notice it, accept that it's a normal emotion
* 30:30 My anxiety signals: racing heart, frantic texting, scrolling till I black out
* 33:00 Box breathing: exhale longer than you inhale to engage the parasympathetic system
* 33:28 Five-senses grounding (54321): shift attention to something you can see and touch
* 34:17 Can't get out of bed? Get up first: a step with almost no cost to take
* 36:07 Too anxious to sit still, so I walk it off — to the little woods, to the riverside
* 39:45 Stop being your own taskmaster, be a good manager: put rest on the to-do list too
Part 4 — Going Deeper: Living with Anxiety
* 41:38 There was no turning point, just a long process: from studying management to understanding myself
* 43:30 I set out to manage others, only to find I couldn't understand myself
* 49:40 Zhihui's limiting belief: I must allow myself to be anxious
* 51:25 Don't fight anxiety, play with it a while; Cuicui: I call it a dam
* 54:30 Let the bullet fly: when anxiety comes, just let it be anxious for a bit
* 56:08 A cognitive reframe: anxiety = I can't → anxiety = I'm climbing
* 58:10 Control what you can, let go of what you can't, and have the wisdom to tell them apart
* 59:05 Closing: not becoming someone who never feels anxious, but letting ourselves move forward with it
Books Mentioned in This Episode
Thinking, Fast and Slow (Daniel Kahneman)
Past Episodes Referenced
🎧 EP02 🎧 EP13 🎧 EP16