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Transcript:
I wish i was invisible
One day in math class i was sorta spacing out and the teacher called on me and gave an answer and it turned out to be really really far off.
And all the kids in the class started giggling. I could feel my face turning so red.
I just wanted to sit and shrink. When class dismissed people went into groups.
I could hear them whispering, “ She’s so bad at math.Omg she’s so far off, did she even hear the question?”
I felt so horrible that they actually judging me like this. I just wanted to crawl up into a ball and disappear forever.
I began to question other things about myself.What if they think i’m overweight?
What if they think i walk weird? What if they think my hair’s not right ?What if they think i think weird?
That night when i went home , i was thinking to myself i don’t want to be seen ,I want to be invisible for the rest of my life.
The next day when i went to school ,my hair was in my face.I wore a really big baggy sweatshirt and long pants so my entire body was covered.
I walked down the halls trying to be unnoticed. Sorta like a shadow,nobody would see me , nobody would notice me , nobody could judge me.
And i heard a little bit of murmuring like “Oh wow she’s completely covered up.”And then it stopped and they ignored me and that’s what i wanted.
But i still felt bad. I heard voices in my head saying “ You are not good at math , you’re stupid, you’re never gonna amount to anything.”
And i try to push those voices so far away in the back of my head and ball them up into a little ball and stuff them way back where i couldn’t hear them.But it wasn’t working. They still seeped back in little cracks and echoed around the walls of my head.One day at recess two girls were walking by and they were laughing at a joke one of then had told.One of the girls just burst out laughing so hard and she started snorting and she covered her mouth.
And they both looked at each other and then they burst out laughing and kept walking.That’s when something clicked in my head.She didn’t judge the girl for her laugh.Maybe they won’t judge me if i show myself.So when i went home that day and looked in the mirror,i told myself “tomorrow you are going to be who you are, you’re going to be happy with yourself.”
The next day when i went into school i saw a group of girls talking over by the swings and i went over to them.
And i remember saying in a very friendly voice “Hi”, and it was quiet and i thought to myself, oh my gosh they’re judging me and deciding,they’re gonna reject me .
Then one of the girls smiled at me and she started a very nice conversation and it felt so good that they had lied who i was.
Ofc there were some girls when i came up to them they judged me and didn’t like me.But i thought to myself they’re probably judging themselves like i did but trying to hide it.
I said to myself “you are not gonna be like this anymore, you are gonna be you.”