How to take control of your emotions



When your emotions cause you to fly off the handle, sob uncontrollably or seethe with envy, it can be hard to see the good in them. It's a common belief that there are 'good' and 'bad' emotions, and that for successful emotion regulation, we must live a life free of the bad ones.



This is a misconception, according to Ethan Kross, world expert in the psychology of emotions. "In the right proportions" he says, "all emotions are useful." We can't control the thoughts and feelings that automatically pop up, but we can choose how to engage with them.



Vicki Botnick, a therapist in Tanzana, California, agrees. She said we should aim for regulation, not repression. Instead of sweeping feelings under the rug, we should practise accepting them. Reframe them, not as 'good' or 'bad', but as messengers, giving you important information that you can use.



This may sound easier said than done, so when intense feelings make you feel overwhelmed, try the old classic: deep breathing. Breathe in slowly, hold the breath for three seconds, then breathe out slowly. For some, it may help to repeat a mantra, such as "I am calm."



So, chronically avoiding your problems and negative feelings is not recommended, but that doesn't mean distraction is all bad. "We can be flexible and do both", says Ethan Kross. He uses the example of heightened emotions after a heated argument. It can be beneficial to sort it out in the moment, but it can also help to immerse oneself in something totally unrelated and return to the problem later, perhaps with a new perspective and a diminished temper.



Another way to distract yourself is to change your environment. Anyone that's been on holiday will know that being in new surroundings, free of associations of work and usual routines, can help us de-stress and recharge. If you're unable to get away, try exploring locally.



A 2024 review of research called 'The role of nature in emotion regulation processes' found all 27 of the reviewed studies reported positive impacts of nature on emotion regulation. If green spaces are hard to reach in your neighbourhood, try curating your home environment. Add house plants, pictures of landscapes, photos of loved ones, or any objects that bring you joy.



Learning to accept, reframe and regulate your emotions puts you back in the driver's seat of your life. But if this feels hard, remember: no feeling lasts forever.



词汇表

fly off the handle [ˈhændl] 大发雷霆，情绪失控

sob [sɒb] 啜泣，呜咽，抽噎

seethe [siːð] 发怒，生闷气，怒火中烧

emotion regulation [ˌreɡjuˈleɪʃn] 情绪调节，情绪管理

misconception [ˌmɪskənˈsepʃn] 误解，错误观念

proportion [prəˈpɔːʃn] 比例，大小，程度

automatically [ˌɔːtəˈmætɪkli] 自动地，无意识地，不自觉地

pop up [pɒp] 突然出现，意外出现

repression [rɪˈpreʃn] 压抑，压制；抑制

sweep something under the rug [swiːp][rʌɡ] 掩盖，隐藏某事，置之不理

reframe [ˌriːˈfreɪm] 重新定义，重新审视；重新构建

messenger [ˈmesɪndʒə(r)] 信使，报信人

overwhelmed [ˌəʊvəˈwelmd] 被压垮的，不知所措的，不堪重负的

mantra [ˈmæntrə] 咒语，口号，反复念诵的话语

chronically [ˈkrɒnɪkli] 长期地，慢性地，习惯性地

heightened emotion [ˈhaɪtnd ɪˈməʊʃn] 情绪高涨，情绪激动

heated argument [ˈhiːtɪd ˈɑːɡjumənt] 激烈的争论

immerse oneself in [ɪˈmɜːs] 使自己沉浸在，专心于

diminished temper [dɪˈmɪnɪʃt ˈtempə(r)] 减弱的脾气，消了些的火气

de-stress [ˌdiːˈstres] 减轻压力，放松

recharge [ˌriːˈtʃɑːdʒ] 充电，恢复精力，重新振作

curate [ˈkjʊəreɪt] 仔细布置，组织，策划（展览等）

in the driver's seat 处于控制地位，掌握着主动权



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