Why Doing Nothing Feel So Wrong



For most of our lives, we're hard at work: we're up till midnight in the library studying for a degree, we're learning a trade, building a business, writing a book. We have hardly a moment to ourselves. We don't even ask whether we are fulfilled, it's simply obvious that this is the bit that has to hurt. We fall asleep counting the weeks until the end.



And then, finally, one day, slightly unexpectedly, the end arrives. Through slow and steady toil, we have achieved what we had been seeking for years: the book is done, the business is sold, the degree certificate is on the wall. People around us cheer and lay on a party; we might even take a holiday.



And that is when, for many of us, a supreme unease is liable to descend. The beach is beautiful, the sky is flawless, there is a scent of lemon in the air from the orchard. We've got nothing unpleasant to do. We can read, loll, play and dawdle. Why then are we so flat, disoriented and perhaps slightly tearful? Why are we so scared?



The mind works in deceptive ways. In order to generate the momentum required to induce us to finish any task, our mind pretends that once the work is done, it will finally be content, it will accept reality as it is. It will stop its restless, persecutory questions, it won't throw up random unease or guilty feelings. It will be on our side.



But whether by intent or coincidence, our mind is not in any way well-suited to honouring such promises. It turns out to be sharply opposed to, and even endangered by, states of calm and relaxation. It can manage them, at best, for a day or so. And then, with cold rigour, it will be on its way again with worries and questions. It will ask us once more to account for ourselves, to ask what the point of us is, to doubt whether we are worthy or decent, to question what right we have to exist.



Once hard work ends, there is nothing to stop our melancholy minds from leading us to the edge of an abyss we'd been able to resist so long as our heads were down. We start to feel that no achievement will ever in fact be enough, that nothing we do can last or make a difference, that little is as good as it should be, that we are tainted by some kind of primordial guilt at being alive, that others around us are far more noble and able than we will ever be, that the blue sky is oppressive and frightening – and that 'doing nothing' is actually the hardest thing we've ever attempted to do.



It's as though deep down, our mind knows that the ultimate fate of the planet is to be absorbed by the sun in seven and a half billion years and that everything we do is therefore vain and futile against a cosmological sense of time and space. We know that we are puny and irrelevant apparitions; we haven't been so much busy as protected from despair by the use of deadlines, punishing schedules, work trips and late-night conference calls.



But now, with the achievement secured, there is no defence left against the might of existential terror. It's just us and in the skies above, the light of a billion billion dying stars. There are no more 8.30am meetings, no more revision notes, no more chapter deadlines to distract us from our metaphysical irrelevance.



词汇表

learn a trade 学习一门手艺，掌握一门行当

the bit that has to hurt 必须承受的痛苦，艰辛部分

toil [tɔɪl] 苦干，辛勤劳作；苦工

lay on 安排，供应，提供（食物、娱乐、服务等）

be liable to [ˈlaɪəbl] 易于，可能，有…倾向

descend [dɪˈsend]（不好的感觉）遍布，蔓延，笼罩

flawless [ˈflɔːləs] 完美的，无瑕的

orchard [ˈɔːtʃəd] 果园，果树林

loll [lɒl] 懒散地躺（或坐），闲荡

dawdle [ˈdɔːdl] 磨蹭，闲混，虚度时光

flat [flæt] 低落的，泄气的，无精打采的

disoriented [dɪsˈɔːrientɪd] 迷茫的，迷失方向的

tearful [ˈtɪəfl] 含泪的，想哭的；令人伤心的

deceptive [dɪˈseptɪv] 欺骗性的，迷惑人的，虚假的

induce [ɪnˈdjuːs] 促使，导致，引诱

restless [ˈrestləs] 不安的，焦躁的

persecutory [pəˈsekjətəri] 折磨人的，迫害的

throw up 抛出，产生，提出（新问题或想法）

well-suited [ˌwel ˈsuːtɪd] 合适的，适当的

rigour [ˈrɪɡə(r)] 严酷，严厉，严谨

account for 解释，说明

decent [ˈdiːsnt] 正派的，体面的，像样的

melancholy [ˈmelənkəli] 忧郁的，悲伤的；令人悲哀的

abyss [əˈbɪs] 深渊，无底洞；险境，绝境

be tainted by [ˈteɪntɪd] 被…玷污，被…污染，被…影响

primordial guilt [praɪˈmɔːdiəl ɡɪlt] 原始的罪恶感，原罪

oppressive [əˈpresɪv] 压抑的，压迫的，暴虐的

vain and futile [veɪn ənd ˈfjuːtaɪl] 徒劳无益的，白费力气的

cosmological [ˌkɒzməˈlɒdʒɪkl] 宇宙学的，宇宙论的

puny [ˈpjuːni] 微小的，微不足道的，弱小的

irrelevant [ɪ'reləvənt] 无关紧要的，不相关的

apparition [ˌæpəˈrɪʃn] 幽灵，幻影，鬼

punishing [ˈpʌnɪʃɪŋ] 繁重的，累人的

existential terror [ˌeɡzɪˈstenʃl ˈterə(r)] 存在主义恐惧

revision note [rɪˈvɪʒn] 复习笔记

metaphysical [ˌmetəˈfɪzɪkl] 形而上学的，抽象的，玄学的

irrelevance [ɪ'reləvəns] 无关紧要的事物，无意义的事



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