Samantha Joseph’s childhood was scattered with golden trips to California to visit her Aunt Gail. Aunt Gail was the cool aunt. She worked in Hollywood and befriended actors like Robin Williams, Mayim Bialik and the cast of “Friends.” And yet she was still relatable (she’d get on the floor and play like a kid). One day, those trips to California stopped: Aunt Gail no longer wanted to see Samantha’s family. Samantha was devastated, and several years later, she was devastated again by the news that Aunt Gail had died by suicide. Today, Samantha shares her search for answers following her aunt’s death and how a conversation with David Schwimmer helped her to heal. Today’s Story: * “I Had to Stop Asking Why” by Samantha Joseph Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

Samantha Joseph reads her Modern Love essay, “I Had to Stop Asking Why.” You can listen to Anna’s interview with Samantha in the “Modern Love” podcast feed - the episode is called “I Needed David Schwimmer’s Help:. You can also read Samantha’s essay on the New York Times website here. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

Nell Stephens reads her Modern Love essay, “How I Lost the Financé but Won the Honeymoon.” You can listen to Anna’s interview with Nell in the “Modern Love” podcast feed. You can also read Nell’s essay on the New York Times website here. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

Bored and in love, Nell Stevens found a hobby combing the internet and entering her name into online contests. But, when she actually wins a prize — a luxury honeymoon in India — her world falls apart: The man she thought she was going to marry breaks up with her. She decides to go on the trip anyway. On today’s show, the host Anna Martin talks with Nell about her fiancé-less honeymoon — and what she had discovered about herself by the time she returned home. Today’s story * “How I Lost the Fiancé but Won the Honeymoon ,” By Nell Stevens Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

The last time David visited his ailing grandmother, he hid his wedding ring in his pocket. He’d never told her about his identity as a gay, married man. Fearful David’s grandmother would disown him, his family never told her about David’s loving marriage with his husband, Constantino. It was an untruth David lived with until the day she died. Today, David shares how that untruth left a gaping hole in his relationship with his grandmother — and the power of telling the truth in his eulogy. Today’s story * “The House Where My Husband Doesn’t Exist,” By David Khalaf Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

Imagine you are on vacation. Your favorite shirt is waiting for you in your suitcase. You go to put it on, only to realize it’s not there. You forgot it, and there’s nothing you can do now. That’s an experience that played out time and again for Natalie Muñoz, who split her childhood and adolescence between her parents’ houses after their divorce. Now that she’s turning 18, she tells us how she’s finding a balance that works better for her. Then, Modern Love listeners share stories about the moment they knew their parents were really divorcing and how that feeling has lingered throughout their lives. Today's Story: * "My Two-House, Duffel-Bag Life," by Natalie Muñoz Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

Kema Christian-Coates’s childhood was filled with “holiday men,” absentee fathers — including her own — who returned each year around Christmas only to disappear again. Her father’s absence left a hole in her life and the fear that she, like her mother and grandmother, would never find a man she could rely on. Today, we hear Kema’s story on realizing the power of her mother and grandmother’s presence in her life and on finding a lasting partnership. Today’s story: * “The Gift of Missing Men,” by Kema Christian-Coates Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

Having sex in a car is usually a last resort, born from the trappings of youth. For Susan Silas, it was a midlife necessity. While working as a production accountant on a sitcom, Susan met a teamster. Despite having little in common — he was former military; she had been an antiwar protester — they hit it off. But, without a private place to go to, they found themselves having sex in the back seat of the teamster’s car. It wouldn’t be the last time. Today, Susan shares how car sex turned into something deeper. Today’s story: * “Sex on the Run? No, We Parked,” by Susan Silas. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

As one of the only Indian girls in her tiny Canadian mountain town, Natasha Singh stood out — and she was unafraid of being different. At 13, she shaved her head. By 17, she had run away for good. A few years later she came out to her mother. Natasha’s worldview was worlds apart from her very traditional immigrant parents. Her mother always wore a sari — never pants — and Natasha longed for the power and control her father wielded in the family. She balked at the idea of marriage. That is, until she found Branly. Now, decades after leaving home and watching her parents age together, Natasha reflects on a new understanding of her parents and an appreciation for the devotion they shared. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

Clare Almand was born with congenital heart disease, so her life was never what she would call “normal.” By the time she was 30, she’d had 10 open-heart surgeries and her health was rapidly declining. Clare thought she was dying. With death looming, she was running out of time to do something she’d never done, something she felt like everyone else had already checked off their list. Clare felt she was running out of time to lose her virginity. Today, Anna Martin sits down with Clare to discuss wanting to be normal, at least in one small way. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

Bob Morris could tell that something was changing with his elderly father: His car was clean, his manners had improved and he had a shine in his eyes. He had a new “lady friend.” Her name was Arlene. Arlene loved Bob’s father, but she also set clear boundaries with him. She didn’t want to care for him when he got sick and — despite what Bob’s father led Bob to believe — she didn’t want to marry him. Today, Anna Martin talks to Bob about his father’s last love story. Then, she talks to Arlene herself about a misunderstood marriage proposal and the limits of love. Today’s episode mentions suicide. If you’re having thoughts of suicide or are concerned that someone you know may be having those thoughts, the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

Sam and Tyler’s relationship was built on a philosophy of joy. Together, they climbed trees, ate cream puffs in bed, and danced in a field with their friends. But, after three years together, Sam was no longer in love, and they broke up. A few months later, Sam was in a terrible accident. He had amnesia. He knew Tyler was important to him, but not why. He’d forgotten their entire relationship — and he didn’t remember their breakup. Now, Sam needed Tyler to fill in the gaps. Over hospital visits she shared photos and stories — trying to bring back Sam’s memories, yet unsure if she could reveal to him they were no longer a couple. This is the first episode of our new season! We’ll be back every Wednesday with new episodes. Today’s essay is written by Tyler Wetherhall. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.