When Jordan Carlos looks back on the role he was playing in his family a few years ago, he does not like what he sees. He was bringing home a good salary as a comedian, but doing only the bare minimum as a husband and a dad. When Jordan did show up at home, he was more likely to take the kids out for an all-day candy binge than to take them to the dentist or to tuck them in by bedtime. But Jordan got a painful wake-up call when the pandemic hit and his work came to a halt. Home all the time, Jordan looked around and noticed that nobody seemed to need, or expect, any help from him. And his marriage was in serious trouble. This week on “Modern Love,” Jordan explains how he let things get so bad in the first place, and how day by day, chore by chore, he started to take responsibility for all the little things that actually mean a lot. Jordan’s book, “Choreplay: The Marriage-Saving Magic of Getting Your Head Out of Your Ass,” comes out Feb. 10. Listener Callout: “Modern Love” wants to hear from you. What’s the most romantic thing that has ever happened to you? What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever witnessed? If something made you feel that rush of romance, send us a voice memo by Feb. 4, and we may use it on the show. Check out our submission page to learn more. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

Sam Graham-Felsen was not a tough child. He feared violence and didn’t feel that he could stand up for himself when he was bullied. His fear ate away at his confidence; he was afraid to go on dates, afraid to try hard in school. As an adult, he thought he had moved past those fears. But then he started to notice some of those same tendencies in his young son. Sam wanted to change that, so he took his son on a cross-country road trip to Badlands National Park, in search of what Theodore Roosevelt called “the strenuous life.” Along the way, he found himself wrestling with what it means to be a good man, and to raise a good man. This week on “Modern Love,” Sam explains what happened, and how his son changed his own ideas about what it means to be tough. You can read Sam’s original story in The New York Times Magazine. “Modern Love” wants to hear from you. What’s the most romantic thing that has ever happened to you? What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever witnessed? If something made you feel that rush of romance, send us a voice memo, and we may use it on the show. Check out our submission page to learn more. How to submit a Modern Love Essay to the New York Times How to submit a Tiny Love Story Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

Belle Burden was living the kind of life most can only dream of. Born into a wealthy New York family, she married a dashing attorney who had swept her off her feet. The couple had a beautiful apartment in Manhattan, a summer house on Martha’s Vineyard, three children, and what Belle thought was a happy marriage. Then, after 20 years, with no warning, her husband told her he wanted a divorce. Belle remembers him saying, “You can have custody of the kids, you can have the house and the apartment. I don't want any part of this life anymore.” In a moment, he became a stranger to her. As Belle tried to understand the disintegration of her marriage, she made a decision that surprised people close to her: she shared her story with the world. In 2023, she published a Modern Love essay about her experience. Her new book, “Strangers: a Memoir of Marriage,” reveals more of her story. On today’s episode, Belle Burden talks about the abrupt and difficult end to her marriage, and how that led her to the start of a new life. How to submit a Modern Love Essay to the New York Times How to submit a Tiny Love Story Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

This emotional interview with the actor Andrew Garfield is a listener favorite. In it, Garfield talks about his 2024 film “We Live in Time,” in which he plays a newly divorced man named Tobias who falls in love with a chef named Almut, played by Florence Pugh. Their story feels epic and expansive, but still intimate. It focuses on the small, everyday moments that make up a love story: washing dishes together after a dinner party, sharing biscuits, smelling fruit at a farmers’ market. These are the moments that sustain the couple through Almut’s excruciatingly difficult medical crisis. Garfield tells Anna Martin, host of “Modern Love,” why this film about the intertwined nature of joy and grief came into his life at just the right moment, and gives an unexpectedly raw reading of Chris Huntington’s essay “Learning to Measure Time in Love and Loss.” "Modern Love" will return on Jan. 7 with all new episodes. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

When it came time to retire, Robyn Yerian didn’t feel like she had enough money saved. She didn’t want to depend on her children or end up in a nursing home, so she cashed out what she had in her 401(k) and bought a plot of land in East Texas. She built spots for tiny homes and called the area the Bird’s Nest. Over time, the Bird’s Nest has become home to a community of women who are rethinking retirement. On this episode of “Modern Love,” Yerian and Cheryl Huff, a longtime resident of the Bird’s Nest, describe what it feels like to grow older together with the support of other women, and discuss why they can’t imagine doing it any other way. This episode is inspired by Lisa Miller’s story in The New York Times titled, “11 Women, 9 Dogs, Not Much Drama (and No Guys).” Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

The actor Jessie Buckley says she wasn’t surprised that she got pregnant right after she finished shooting “Hamnet.” The film — starring Paul Mescal as William Shakespeare and Buckley as his wife, Agnes — tells the story of a couple grieving the loss of their only son. “When I was filming ‘Hamnet,’ I deeply wanted to become a mother,” Buckley says. “And it was such a gift to move through this woman and her motherhood and her love and her loss before I became a mother myself.” On this episode of “Modern Love,” Buckley describes how she was able to access the vulnerability she portrayed onscreen. And she talks about how her life has changed since having her own child. Plus, she reads the Modern Love essay “The Wrong Kind of Inheritance” by Victoria Dougherty. How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times. How to submit a Tiny Love Story. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

When Clare Cory was a young girl, she dreamed of love. But by the time she turned 50, she hadn’t found it. Still, she took a look around and found she was happy and looking forward to the future. Clare fell in love with life. She saw flowers bloom, watched sunlight sparkle on the water and held her cat on her lap. Her heart was full. And then, as Clare faced cancer and was about to turn 60, romance arrived. On today’s episode, Clare explains how she fell in love when she least expected it. Listen until the end for an update on Clare’s love story. This episode is adapted from Clare’s Tiny Love Story from 2024, Finally Finding “The Magic.” Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

The holiday season is upon us. It’s a wonderful time, but if we’re being honest, it’s also a little stressful. Whether you’re worried about hosting a big family gathering, talking with cousins who have very different perspectives on politics or awkward questions from prying aunts, the holidays are full of complicated relationship dynamics. On this episode of “Modern Love,” Nedra Glover Tawwab, a therapist, responds to questions from listeners about making the holidays just a bit more tolerable. Tawwab is the author of “Drama Free,” a guide to having better relationships with family, and the forthcoming book “The Balancing Act,” which is all about creating healthy dependency within relationships. She tells us why Black Friday is her practice’s busiest day of the year, and how we can all take control of our own holiday experience. How to submit a Modern Love Essay to the New York Times How to submit a Tiny Love Story Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

According to Ramit Sethi, a personal finance author and coach, a lot of couples get stuck bickering about everyday purchases. If you’re hung up on what’s in the cart at Target, or who’s buying too many iced teas on the way to work, Sethi says you’re missing the bigger picture, and a chance to live what he calls a truly “rich life” together. Sethi is the author of “I Will Teach You To Be Rich” and “Money for Couples.” He has a podcast, also called “Money for Couples,” and was host of the Netflix show “How to Get Rich.” On this episode of Modern Love, Sethi fields questions from listeners who want to have more constructive, and less tense, money conversations. He also explains how a little curiosity and compassion can help couples through emotional processes like merging their financial lives, disclosing their debts, and mapping out their dreams for a shared future. Read four takeaways from the episode here. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

Janene Lin loathed the moment when the dinner bill would hit the table. When her date would pay, she felt like her love was for sale. Splitting the bill felt like no one had anything at stake. Most of the time, she would pay the bill herself, but that left her feeling uncared-for. So Janene prepared a pitch: On her next date, her third with a man named Aodhán, she would ask to open a joint bank account. On this episode of Modern Love, Lin tells our host, Anna Martin, why this risky move felt like the best solution, how Aodhán reacted and what it taught her about what money means to her and her family. This episode is adapted from Janene Lin’s essay The Woman Who Always Paid for Dinner. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times. Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

When we meet Rob Delaney’s character, “Neighbor Guy,” in FX’s limited series “Dying for Sex,” he’s scarfing down a burrito in an elevator, dripping food on his face and the floor. But Delaney’s performance reveals that under Neighbor Guy’s messy exterior is a man capable of deep vulnerability and empathy. “Dying for Sex” follows a woman named Molly, played by Michelle Williams, who is dying of cancer and desperate to experience sexual pleasure before it’s too late. At first, Molly thinks Neighbor Guy is disgusting, but the two soon discover they make sense together, sexually and emotionally. Williams and Delaney received Emmy nominations for their roles. Today, Delaney tells host Anna Martin why exposing the messy and painful parts of ourselves to other people can be rewarding and hilarious. He talks about tending his own relationship and reads a Modern Love essay about a couple who decides to try some role play to avoid getting too comfortable with each other. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times. Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

Andrea Gibson was the poet laureate of Colorado and a giant of the spoken word poetry scene. This past July, Gibson died of ovarian cancer, leaving behind their devoted fans, friends, family and longtime partner, the poet Megan Falley. For the last year of Gibson’s life, a film crew followed Andrea and Megan as they navigated countless treatments and moments of triumph. In the darkest of times, their connection grew. Their deeply moving love story is the focus of a new documentary, “Come See Me in the Good Light.” On today’s episode of Modern Love, Megan Falley talks with our host Anna Martin about falling in love with Andrea Gibson and loving them through their cancer diagnosis and eventual death. Falley reckons with what it’s like to be a 37-year-old widow, and how despite Andrea being gone, they are very much still with her. The song Megan talks about in this episode is called “Hold Down The Fort.” Megan Falley’s newsletter is called “Things That Don’t Suck.” Here’s how to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times. Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story. Listener call-out: Thanksgiving with family can be tough. We want to help. The Modern Love team wants to hear your questions about navigating tricky family situations over the holiday, and we’ll try to find answers for you. Find out how to submit your voice memo here Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.