Ep14: communal house where people meet, grow, and clean their dishes

青年共居是一种居住方式，从十几人到百来号人住在同一栋楼里，有定期的社群活动，帮你在陌生城市里拥有亲密的“邻里关系”。本期嘉宾Ben Smith就是一个纽约的共居社群goalhouse的创始者，也是一个视频博主，一个被两个爸爸从中国收养的男孩。 This time we have Ben Smith, the founder of a communal house in Brooklyn called goalhouse (https://www.goalhousenyc.com/). It’s also where I lived for 6 months and appreciated it deeply. We talked about how to start a communal house and what the challenges are in running it. Ben called himself a community builder and recognized the house as a business project but also more of a lifestyle project. He also shared why he became a Youtuber and what’s his mission behind. Goalhouse: https://www.goalhousenyc.com/ Ben’s youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuhYY6pRn2V-z4lqsiXipMA His vlog on his dad’s gay wedding: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpFy-E0h4_o&t=30s&ab_channel=BecomingBenSmith 4:10 inspired by European hostels: physical space is the catalyst of bringing people together 7:26 start of the coliving career: target, attack! 11:13 first iteration of goalhouse: talk about weekly goals with housemates on the dinner table. 15:44 real "goal" of goalhouse: being present in the community. 18:59 the essence is to move in with good intentionality then serendipity will make things happen 20:46 when social anxiety meets coliving: am I ready for this? 24:18 the proudest thing is people make friends here, even if it’s not life long. 27:15 coliving in the covid time: risk and responsibility on an individual level 29:24 the official introduction to Goalhouse @ NYC, plus the famous sunday dinner 31:56 the business side: a building managing company rather than a start-up 33:28 what’s the optimal size of coliving house? And the story of taking up this building. 36:31 I’m your friend but I also manage your house. 39:15 the goal house way approaching the famous dishing problem; what is different from college dormitory. 43:43 It’s not a business to be scaled up. It’s my lifestyle. 45:43 beginner’s guide to start a coliving without big initial investment 49:38 when is the best time to start recruiting residents 51:23 why would people trust you to move in? 53:30 the psychological mechanism for patiently resolving roommate disputes, with another dish example. 1:01:14 longer-term communal living? 1:03:22 becoming a YouTuber for another kind of connection 1:08:48 people who commented hate speeches may be the people to be changed; good and bad lives in balance. 1:14:59 high school story: using a learner mindset towards hatred 1:22:56 why is it so hard to make Ben angry? The upbringing story. 1:27:08 best YouTubers are the most authentic ones. 1:31:27 Goal of 2021 intro music: Midnight by Ikson outro music: Run by Oakstudio cover pic: ihor malytskyi from unsplash

Ep13: 与物理博士谈，哪些观念曾经困住我和你 ft李思尘

2021你好！这期嘉宾和上期一样，依然是我本科的室友，现在在瑞士读物理博士的李思尘。漫聊了三大话题：物理博士理想与现实的差距；拖延症患者如何自处；以及，所谓关心更广阔的世界，这件事本身的动力何在。 没什么结论，边聊天边疯狂反思。 如果有什么触动到你，很荣幸，欢迎关注微信公众号“自我与人类观察站”或者在小宇宙等博客平台与我分享。 结尾音乐：孤单（作曲：徐涵剑，编曲：李思尘） 封面图by i-am nah@unsplash 0:51 研究粒子加速器实际上不能满足智识上的追求 5:46物理博士转行去干嘛？对精致的生活的隐秘向往 9:23某些学科的博士并不能自由科研；毫无希望时，最需要一个乐观的伙伴 17:09时间管理讨论：拖延症是一种价值判断偏差的信号；“独立自主”反而造成低效 27:24 从刷手机到回归工作状态的三步；零食欲望作为能量状态的指标 33:42 工作带给我40%的快乐，我就用40%的时间去工作；空虚状态或创作是怎么转换的？ 39:52 不要陷入“逼迫自己”的被动状态；什么是我们最想养成的生活习惯？ 44:24 “学霸/做题家”在方法论上缺了什么？“物理至上主义者”曾对职业选择有何误解？ 49:42 “拓宽视野”：不是竞赛，随着生活慢慢来就好。想了解世界是因为自己不舒服 54:18 效率至上的价值观有啥问题？以什么理由邀你吃饭最尊重？ 57:44 不知怎么聊起了我们对“扶贫”和“农村发展”的浅见，以及改变世界的雄心 1:03:48结尾（不讲逻辑，只谈真心）

Ep12: 做了仨月的播客，迷惘青年找到路了没？

不知不觉已经做了三个月播客啦，今天这期播客是个小总结，我和我的大学上铺的室友李思尘一起，聊聊我目前寻路的进展。思尘是目前在瑞士读加速器方向的物理博士生，跟我一样也是迷惘青年一枚，她的故事会在下期讲述。感谢你收听迷惘青年寻路记2020年的最后一期！ 互动留言可以到小宇宙等播客平台，或者微信公众号“自我与人类观察站“。墙外的朋友可以去anchor.fm/365path 给我语音留言。 1:11 为什么用播客的形式来探索自己的迷茫？ 4:53 找嘉宾时如何克服社交恐惧？怎么能够进行双方都舒服的谈话？ 9:35 迷茫有所缓解了吗？未来干嘛有着落了吗？ 19:37 想观察、想参与不同的生活，又想用科技去创造 24:55 科技提高全人类的工作效率？AI伦理是杞人忧天的讨论吗？ 31:26 怎么在聊天中提出好问题？物理研究中的思维也可以用在生活中啊 34:31 怎么不用逻辑地提出好问题 音乐：Crazy（作曲：徐涵剑，编曲：李思尘） 封面图 by Will Truettner @ unsplash

Ep11: 游戏主播与留洋博士，真有那么不同？ft夕岸

本期嘉宾是美国宾大社会学系博士夕岸。如果你很关注美国社会政治新闻，你可能看到过这个名字出现在许多评论文章和讲座里。我也是忠实读者之一啦，借夕岸的视角了解了比如美国种族运动的历史、拉丁裔为什么会支持特朗普等等问题。但是我觉得夕岸最独特的点在于，研究者和行动者这两个身份的统一。我对此很向往但也完全不知道怎么做到，纯靠一腔热血吗？ 这次虽然我们从夕岸当前研究的游戏劳工开始谈起，好像离我很遥远，但在夕岸看来，游戏代练、电竞主播与博士研究生之间其实也没那么不同，关心“远方”的他们，其实也在帮助自己。感谢夕岸传递给了我非常平和、朴素的力量，一种打破割裂的联结感。 查看更多夕岸的文章可以去往这个博客：https://gravitysworm.com/ 聊天中提到的美国科技劳工维权资料库，现在升级成网站了：Collective action in tech https://collectiveaction.tech/ 本期配乐：Arcade machine by 夕岸 封面图：Tarik Haiga @ unsplash 3:35 聚光灯之外的几千万游戏劳工：他们从哪里来？入行背后的社会变化？ 11:44 研究者会与游戏主播们成为朋友吗？如何发现隐藏行业内幕？ 14:36 为什么要研究游戏劳工？你能帮助他们改善窘境吗？ 19:51 如何走上劳工研究之路；对美国学术圈子的幻灭：精英化、本土化、对社会抵抗的单一想象 28:07 在美国看到的日常组织实践：码农的抗议运动 32:57 做学者而非直接行动者：多重掣肘 35:37 不想被身份标签框定研究视野：“不要什么都拐到中国问题上去，这可能是全球的问题” 38:42 细节地观察社会群体内部，其实会带来更多希望 41:46 “稳定安全的世界”作为一种幻想；疫情中，研究生与学校的斗法 46:51 博士生自掏腰包做田野，当家教亲身体验零工辛酸 52:31 未来会留在学术界吗？不想把学者与社会参与者的身份分离。 54:33 未来送外卖也没问题呀还能锻炼身体。不必自责，零工化是社会趋势，生活的意义不来源于工作。 59:29 生活在人群中却没有社群？努力关注身在现场的新闻。 1:05:11 研究”底层“的动力？受不了“精英”们的优越感；不觉得与教育程度低的人无法对话 1:11:06 做什么能够真正帮到劳工维权？美国社会运动既成熟也官僚化，更感兴趣观察新的可能 1:14:14 没那么严肃！生活娱乐和公共话题之间并没有界限。 1:18:01 游戏主播们会研究冥想和做饭吗？夕岸说会帮我问问！ 1:20:06 总结：就承认自己是研究者但也是社会行动的参与者，而这一切的行动和对话，也不必带着宏大的拯救世界的目标。下一步，叫田野调查，叫打工赚钱，叫生存技能培训，都可以。

Ep10: 费登奎斯教练与自我发现之旅 (英文)

一直向身边人疯狂安利费登奎斯训练，因为我真的很喜欢这种身体学习的方式，喜欢到希望能自己也成为费登奎斯教练。于是决定坐下来认真和这个职业中的人们谈谈，这是第一期，请到了我自己的启蒙教练，75岁的Marilyn Bakun。 I love learning about my body. One of my wildest dreams after graduation is to work as a Feldenkrais Coach. In this episode I invited my own Feldenkrais teacher in new york, Marilyn Bakun, to share with me her journey of becoming a Feldenkrais practitioner at the age of 55 and, along the way, keeping the curiosity and learning to trust oneself. Related research about Feldenkrais: https://feldenkrais.com/research-2/ Some of the books by Moshe Feldenkrais: Awareness Through Movement: Easy-to-Do Health Exercises to Improve Your Posture, Vision, Imagination, and Personal Awareness https://www.amazon.com/Awareness-Through-Movement-Easy-Do/dp/0062503227/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=moshe+feldenkrais&qid=1607820246&sr=8-1 The Elusive Obvious: The Convergence of Movement, Neuroplasticity, and Health https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07FZLNRRY/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_tkin_p1_i0 online Feldenkrais videos you could follow: Feldenkrais with Alfons https://www.youtube.com/user/2stunden 2:13 What is feldenkrais? A somantic experience. A way to be yourself. 4:54 A 1 minute demonstration of Feldenkrais (stand up and do with us!) 10:35 a reflection on this 5-minute Feldenkrais training. When you are tired, your brain won’t learn. 14:10 The journey to become a feldenkrais instructor starting from the age of 55 and how does the government job enlightens the understanding of feldenkrais. 17:51 What is hands-on work in Feldenkrais and how’s that different from massage? 24:36 This work is too good. I have to be an instructor to share it. 28:01 The story of Moishe Feldenkrais as the founder: Judo, knee injury, baby’s move and unorthodox exploration. 34:55 Mental revolution: stop asking why, starting to trust myself. 37:37 Start of being an instructor: the confusions and challenges 40:20 Instructors’ community support 43:08 Removing pain at my 60s when most people think your body will only deteriorate at this age. 45:09 "no pain no gain" doesn’t really apply to Feldenkrais. The good measure of life is resiliency. 46:18 Am I, a graduate student never studied in related field, in a disadvantageous position to become a Feldenkais instructor? Again there’s so much individuality. 49:31 How to find students? 51:10 Generational shift? Why is Feldenkrais not becoming more popular in the recent years? 55:23 Feldenkrais versus going to the gym, which is harder? They should actually be combined. 01:01:21 Other hotspots of Feldenkrais around the globe? And how different medical care systems plays in the role. 01:03:45 Time commitment in the training. 01:04:48 What kind of scientific research about Feldenkrais do you wish to see? 01:05:58 Alternative paths to body exploration? Feldenkrais as an ever going on journey. Music: Bedtime Stories by Ross Bugden(@rossbugden) Cover photo: Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

Ep9: 先做一只好动物，再做好人 ft刘果（下）

这是我和朋友刘果对谈的下期。与这位创业公司技术大佬(matters.news )以及婴儿奶爸谈论更多职业之外的体验，聊聊作为一个志趣极丰富的人，有怎样的底层逻辑：如何活用躺平哲学来溶解焦虑，如何作为个体与世界相处，如何一方面以观察者的视角警惕政治偏见，一方面也通过去中心化网络架构自己的信息乌托邦。 1:24 太忙怎么办？压缩工作时间，能躺平则躺平。 4:00 会不会担心老去？不在体制内，怎么养老？ 7:16 自我时间：冥想、看书 10:13 无聊时总想把大脑用起来 15:08 如何跳出“一无聊就去做更无聊的事情”的循环：保持每日的创造状态 15:50 我最近在做的训练：如何不虚假地沟通（Authentic relating） 18:00 我想和并非同类者也能沟通 21:41 极客心中能改变世界的技术是什么？（去中心化货币） 28:58 学习这些新技术，你是为了改变世界吗？（不是，是为了链接） 33:13 为什么选择呆在美国？ 39:17 中国和美国之外的选择与生活想象？ 45:35 忽然谈起了古琴，追求内心的平静不只是种逃避 52:16 政治焦虑与不评判的眼光（政治沟通的冲动） 58:55 观察者与行动者 1:01:34 如何在三十岁前拥有丰富的经历，以及内心太丰富而时间有限 1:09:31 养孩子：人要先当一只比较好的动物才能当一个比较好的人 1:14:12 结语：关于被肯定的温暖，我现在不做计划的时间管理，政治参与。 纽约市Taxing the rich: https://taxtherichnys.com/ ; 美国排华技术移民：https://ourfairness.medium.com/s-386昨天通过了-新增加了-直接-排华条款-6d1fad6fa8c3 开场音乐：Shake Up, by CFM production, Marjan Gjorgjievski 插曲：平沙落雁（演奏：潘玫烨）；Zhaoze沼泽乐队 – Birds Contending (2nd half) – Shenzhen concert 结尾音乐：Happiest robot, by Teknoaxe 封面图片：Photo by Tadeusz Lakota on Unsplash

Ep8: 程序员就是村里的木匠 ft刘果（上）

这次请到了我的朋友刘果，生态学出身的编程工作者，现在matters这个创作网站负责去中心化平台的架构（matters.news，可能需要挂梯子访问）。我的博士日常工作其实大多是在写程序，所以做程序员、数据分析之类的工作也是我们专业毕业后转行常见的方向，但我一直对这个想法不太感冒。跟刘果聊，我想听听他作为一个兴趣丰富、关心世界的人，又是怎么看待我觉得无聊的程序员工作呢？ 7:12 离开PhD、离开大公司：不觉得浪费了此前的积累吗？ 10:10 怎么选择创业项目？好像也没什么选择 13:00 大公司工作无聊的原理 17:19 为什么要做像matters这样去中心化的创作平台？直觉上这样更优美高效，商业上不容易赚钱 22:30 去大厂可以轻松赚大钱，干嘛要折腾创业呢？其实也许当一颗螺丝钉才能专注于自己想做的事情 28:11 怎么不读CS硕士而完成个人技术能力储备？区别是，通过别人的经验学习，还是通过自己的经验学习 32:30 一门手艺，一份安全感：程序员就是村里的木匠 34:30 你的职业选择满足你家人的期待吗？ 37:20 是否要选择一个领域去精钻？我好像也没有选择，那不是我 40:40 怎么开始进入感兴趣的新话题？ 44:06 你看到了什么样的时代大潮来临？或许也只需要自己内心的契机。 48:34 结语 开场音乐：Shake Up, by CFM production, Marjan Gjorgjievski 结尾音乐：Happiest robot, by Teknoaxe 封面图片：Michiel Annaer from Unsplash

Ep7: 人类学（下）把田野的眼光带回生活 ft孙静

Ep6: 人类学者的田野生活（上）打开自己，无尽探索 ft孙静

Ep6: 人类学者的田野生活（上）- 打开自己，无尽探索 我一直幻想，在博士毕业后，去一个什么山村啊、草原啊，特别不一样的地方，在直观的生活中学习，而不是总读文献和数学模型。这次在北大社会学博士毕业的宋庆宇师兄牵线下，我找到了目前在泉州）遗产研究院的孙静老师，与我们分享她作为人类学者多年的田野经验。 开场音乐：《山色》蔡雅艺（虾米音乐可听：南音雅艺》 结尾音乐：《直入花园》 丰泽区第二中心小学千人齐唱（资料来自网络） 2:20 是怎么入坑人类学/社会学的？ 11:36 第一次田野的当头一棒 18:43 我以什么角色进入田野？清醒认知自己的位置 20:32 作为女性的人类学者：无法参与祭祀？ 22:01 农村妇女教会我太多知识 23:01 （田野资料）2019年农历五月十七萧太傅圣诞，妇女锣鼓队表演 24:23 自然接受，打开自己，才能有全方位的理解。 27:35 漫长的田野时光中，人类学者会陷入什么样的挣扎 29:50 研究祭祀与生死：学问和生活的世界并不脱节，博士期间的研究给我不断的启发和动力 31:14（田野资料）2019年安溪新加坡华侨超度，道士做法 38:06 一些现实的迷茫痛苦：又穷又没用？ 41:07 下期预告 cover picture: alessandro-segala from unsplash.com

Ep5: 哪个学术领域完美满足我？ft. Gareth

与经济学博士后Gareth聊聊我对科研的三大不满，发觉我的底层价值观有何偏执。 相关链接： 处境吗？抗议到底有什么用？》（我的文章，现场观察） 0:30 今日话题：愿意一直做学术的人是怎么想的？我有三大问题。 2:14 对谈嘉宾介绍：Gareth，经济学博士后，播客《子非鱼》 4:17 Gareth作为坚定要走学术道路的研究者，也迷茫过吗？其实各行各业的26、7岁朋友都在迷惘。 5:19 我为什么尽管喜欢做科研但并不想一辈子做科研。 6:15 我对认知科学的研究有什么不满。 7:52 Comment：如何不通过认知去改变想法（一个关于零食渴望的例子）。 9:37 认知科学=上古时期的经济学？ 10:29 那当年为什么选择来读这个学科的博士？五年过去了，我变了，而认知科学没太变。我从一个纯追求智识的机器人，变得更像普通人了。 12:50 Gareth的迷惘：经济学的前沿不在国内（北大也不太行？） 14:37 为什么一直很确定要成为一流经济学家？Gareth是一步步变得更明确，我的迷惘和确定则是波浪式的。 15:38 Gareth这个人在读博期间有什么变化？变谦虚了。 16:28 我知道我得不了诺贝尔经济学奖了，那我为什么还要继续做下去？ 17:05 通过与导师的交流，我更把经济学视作思考世界的框架，而不是发论文的工具。 18:00 Gareth的职业目标：当个好的经济学家，包括科研、教学，以及社会科学知识分子的社会影响。 19:14 80,000 hours通过统计方法计算出的对社会最有价值的基础研究领域。 20:50 经济学家对社会到底有什么贡献？举例：研究地方政府对金融市场的影响，理解如何纾解中小企业的融资难题。 22:31 经济学研究会转变成政策变化吗？我对此没有执念，更在乎在知识层面做了贡献。 22:59 如何判断知识的价值？最好能否定一些错误观念才算有进步。以及我对认知科学本身评价体系的否定。 24:42 Gareth：最在意我对自己学术成果的评估，哪管身前身后名。 25:58 不是要解决某个谜题，关键在于不断深化对问题认知的过程。Gareth现在的目标：成为成熟的学者。 27:26 我的问题：当我说我要研究认知科学，我其实是要研究人类。这就变成了无解的难题。 29:25 为什么虽然我认为情绪对人的认知很重要，但我们受研究工具的限制，还不能立即上手去研究各种复杂的情绪。在心理学目前的研究范式中，许多情绪因为无法很好地操作性定义所以无法研究。 30:46 经济学解释的对象也很复杂，会不会没有好的工具把它说清楚？每人能看到新东西就好。 32:10 comment：我其实比较认可“盲人摸象”式的研究，毕竟大家都认可屋子里有这头大象需要去搞清楚。我真诚觉得如果去做经济学或社会学的研究会对世界更有贡献。 33:29 我转到经济学怎么样？ 33:56 农业经济学真的会和农民待在一起吗？ 36:05 最重要的不是具体课题，而是用经济学穿透现实的能力。举个例子：“trade-off”（有利就有弊）分析各种问题的边界。 39:04 经济学研究个案：共享单车的市场竞争。 40:55 这个研究的结论和大家的常识有什么区别？企业界的读者对此能有收获吗？ 44:33 我对学术界本身的评价体系不太认同了，反而觉得回归常识的判断方式更直接。但我也理解对什么是有价值的新知识/科研成果，这个问题应该有的普适回答？ 45:38 知识如果有边界怎么办？那就承认就好了呀。 47:06 Comment：看到知识的边界后，有两种不同的处理方式。我对研究领域的期望更接近于妄想。 47:39 经济学会带你走到更广泛的现实世界吗？ 49:01 我很想投身进入现实世界，而不是通过阅读认识世界。如果不是深处美国，我会很容易被骗。 53:40 Comment：举个例子，现实经验如何帮我看到评论家的不自恰（美国身份政治的话语是不是过分激进以至于分裂社会？） 56:22 Comment：经济学的合作方式与认知科学的区别。 57:45 学术成果能带给我足够的快乐吗？生活中有那么多不同种类的快乐，有可能全都要吗？ 59:14 Gareth在科研之外还有迷惘吗？都是关于“如何提高”，而没有关于“要不要做这件事” 1:00:25 我的麻烦：爱好太多，一直在做选择。 1:02:39 Final comment：我和Gareth除了学科区别，更重要的差异还是在于我们怎么看待做科研这件事对自己人生的意义。从外部结果去看，抑或向内求索？ 1:04:10 一直驱动着我的似乎是认知焦虑：我不要被蒙骗。 1:04:55 三种蒙骗来源：认知偏见，社会性偏见，叙述语言本身。 1:07:11 如何不被骗：有的需要读，有的需要体验 1:08:22 未来目标：如果接受我一定会被骗？ 开头音乐：SUMMER TIME, produced by CFM Production, music by Marjan Gjorgjievski 结尾音乐：Care Free, by Mathew May 结尾录音：daveincamas (from freesound.com) 封面照片：by max-bottinger from unsplash.com

Ep4: how can I become a (good) life coach? 如何成为生活教练

This is the last episode with my housemate and life coach Jeremy (thepacerco.com/strugglz). I’ve recorded the 2 life coaching session with Jeremy in the last 2 episodes showing what a coaching session would be like. Today I’m going to learn about the job as life coach, how to become a life coach, what makes you a good one, how to look at the money aspect etc. Related learning resources: Luba Diasamidze (Jeremy’s teacher for life coaching in China): https://coachistok.com/ (Email: [email protected] , Instagram page: coachistok_china) International coaching federeation: https://coachfederation.org/ Motivate Community(Neuro Linguistic Program) website: http://motivatecommunity.com/ ; Authentic relating: https://authenticrelating.co/ # how does life coach work, how to become one, and how to become a good one 2:52 What is life coach? It’s like your favourate uncle. Plus, this is also how I feel about China. 7:57 How did you start life coaching? 9:30 A book that I’ve read four and half times, 12 principles of Karma. Then I cold-visited the author, who turns out to be a life coach. 11:28 Then at the same time, in the middle of job search in China, I saw a pop ad for life coach. 13:30 How to decide whether I want to invest money in the life coach training? 16:04 The 3-month training of life coach with 7 other classmates from all continents. 171 hours of training for 20,000 RMB. 17:35 The level system of the International Coaching Federation(ICF) and other coaching systems. 19:09 How do you know "you are ready" to coach someone’s life? How do you know you are qualified? One key component is your own life experience. 22:51 ICF guidelines for how to be a coach: Four tenents. And our job is not to take away the pain of others. 24:30 Do people naturally come up a strategy when they are self-aware? What if the other person won’t come up with a solution? 27:31 Tool kit of a coach, the GROW model, and how the coaching session is structured. 29:32 Trust your client. Plus how to recognize the boundary of what coaching can do. # The practicality of an independent life coach 33:47 How to find the clients? Online coach referral sites (noomii.com, bark.com) and the market model. 35:42 The challenge of business and sales. And how to not put my need and anxiety for income on the client (and be patient to get to know the person). 37:46 Pricing strategy as a beginner coach (basically, free). 38:31 How to reach out to clients beyond the online referral platforms…for free? 40:24 Life coaching community in China: small enough to help each other, big enough to find clients. 42:59 Choosing the niche: coach for young people, help them to not make the choices I made. 44:36 How I made choices to switch jobs: driven by the need for money, versus the choice with mindfulness. When making choices with more consciousness, I’m more flexible and patient. 45:37 Finding work opportunities by walking around the neighborhood! #And some more life philosophy 50:34 Is this "the call of your life"? Plus other opportunities I find that a life coach can work on: hospital, schools, daycare, etc. 56:52 What new perspectives have you learned about human? Cover credit: Mount Cook (New Zealand), photo by Jean-Pierre Brungs from unsplash Ending song: Seagull by Everet Almond

Ep3: Life coaching 2 (My envisioned dance party)

This is my second life coaching session with coach Jeremy (thepacerco.com/strugglz). We talked about what makes me happy, what is the kind of human interaction I’m searching for. And it eventually went very emotional. I’m very grateful that I recorded this very rare experience and glad to share it with you. 本期记录了我和我在纽约的邻居，life coach生活教练Jeremy(thepacerco.com/strugglz)，进行的第二次咨询。从谈论零食上瘾，到什么让我开心，到闭上眼睛想象我理想中的即兴舞会，不断冒出的与人相处中的渴望与担忧，然后自怜自伤，然后平和看待…… 比第一次咨询更走心（走心到失控？）。一次独特的经历。 2:25 My problem with snacking: a story like most women, starting with body image issues, in the end, it’s about resting my mind. 4:10 But…What’s wrong with snacking? 4:30 What makes you feel good? Energetic body, creative ideas, discovery, good smell, and sunshine. Human interaction? Sometimes. 6:02 What makes an engaging conversation for me? Intellectually or emotionally engaging. Or just some wild talks. 6:58 It’s usually other people expressing their emotions. I am usually not sensitive to my own emotion. 8:25 I have the prior that i will have boring conversations. How to inject something new into the coaching conversation? I feel there’s nothing more to talk about myself. 9:35 I used to blog to "teach" what I’ve learned, but now I do a podcast to share what I don’t know. 10:33 I don’t feel a lot of emotions because my life is pretty boring. And it is NOT okay to live a boring life. Dilemma? I expect to feel more in social interactions which will make me get away from boredom. Yet I don’t always expect interesting interactions happening. 13:25 I feel like with Americans the topic is always around superficial stuff. Jeremy: Do you know that’s American’s opinion on Chinese people as well? 15:25 Ultimate challenge: how to get to a deep connection with others? Jeremy: start with relaxing your body. 16:16 Visualize the kind of human interaction I want. I want to dance freely. But when interacting with other people, who can I trust so I won’t be nervous? 19:32 Check-in: what is our body reaction? Jeremy’s head feels confused. My chest feels the tension and anxiety. And crying tendency surfaces. 21:07 Let’s make the imagination concrete: what would be the playlist for my dance party? I’m still full of worries: will I confuse people with my unconventional choices, but in fact, it could only be my confusion. 24:11 Past experience. A drawing party as a metaphor for life. Others are watching their TV and chatting, leaving myself alone at the table. 28:45 Check-in: what is our body reaction? Jeremy feels there’s light turning on then off all the time. Feels like I’ve always trying to hide. 30:11 What would happen if you cry right now? Is it okay to cry in front of a life coach? To cry for yourself? It brings back to my distant memory of lonely, moody, and definitely not boring teenage years. Glad to meet you again. 34:24 Final word. And the next episode: how to become a life coach yourself?