Why Beauty Isn't About Looks



When we are very concerned about certain of our physical features — a nose that is stubbornly a bit too large, eyes that are slightly too far apart, hair that is not as lustrous as it should be — we miss an overall point about our relationship to our appearance: how beautiful we feel has nothing to do with the objective structure of our face or body.



It isn't what we look like that counts; it's how we feel inside. Our self-assessments are in the end solely based on our relative degrees of self-love and self-contempt.



There are people of ideal proportions and exceptional beauty who cannot bear what they see in the mirror and others who can contemplate a less than svelte stomach or a no longer so supple kind of skin with indifference and defiant good humour.



And at a tragic extreme, there are heart-breakingly fine-looking people who starve themselves to ill-health and eventually die out of a certainty, immune to every logical argument, of their own unsightliness.



The issue is not whether we look extraordinary today, but whether or not we were once upon a time, when we were small and defenceless before the judgements of those who cared for us, sufficiently loved for our essence. This will decide whether our appearance can later on be a subject of negligible concern to us or not.



The truly blessed among us are not those with perfect symmetry; they are those whose past affords them the luxury not to give too much of a damn whatever the mirror happens to say. The issue is never that of our appearance, it is about our sense of our vulnerability to humiliation.



When we meet people who are perpetually sick with worry that they are not attractive enough, we should not rush in with physical compliments; this is only to foster and unwittingly reward an aggravating criterion of judgement.



We should learn to spot the wound in their early relationships that have made it so hard for them to trust that they could matter to others in their basic state and that therefore perpetually evokes in them an unflattering self-image.



They are not 'ugly' per se, they were — when it mattered — left painfully unloved and ignored to an extent that they are liable never to have recognised or mourned adequately. Their arrival in the world did not delight a few people as it should have done, and therefore need compassion, sympathy and emotional validation far more than they will ever require the tools of outward beautification.



Feeling ugly stems from a deficit of love, never of beauty.



词汇表

stubbornly [ˈstʌbənli] 固执地，倔强地；难以改变地

lustrous [ˈlʌstrəs] 有光泽的，光亮的

solely [ˈsəʊlli] 仅仅，唯一地

self-contempt [ˌself kənˈtempt] 自我轻视，自卑

contemplate [ˈkɒntempleɪt] 考虑接受；沉思；盘算

svelte [svelt] 身材苗条的，纤细的

supple [ˈsʌpl] 柔软的，柔韧的，有弹性的

indifference [ɪnˈdɪfrəns] 漠不关心，冷淡

defiant [dɪˈfaɪənt] 挑衅的，蔑视的，反抗的

ill-health [ˌɪl ˈhelθ] 健康不佳，身体不适

unsightliness [ʌnˈsaɪtlinəs] 丑陋，难看

defenceless [dɪˈfensləs] 无防御的，不能自卫的，无助的

essence [ˈesns] 本质，实质；要素，精髓

negligible [ˈneɡlɪdʒəbl] 可忽略的，微不足道的

symmetry [ˈsɪmətri] 对称（性），匀称

vulnerability [ˌvʌlnərəˈbɪləti] 脆弱性，易受伤害性

perpetually [pəˈpetʃuəli] 永恒地，持久地，不断地

rush in [rʌʃ ɪn] 匆忙行动（而没有充分考虑）

foster [ˈfɒstə(r)] 培养，促进，助长

unwittingly [ʌnˈwɪtɪŋli] 无意地，不知不觉地

aggravating [ˈæɡrəveɪtɪŋ] 恼人的 ；使恶化的，加重的

criterion [kraɪˈtɪəriən] 标准，准则

evoke [iˈvəʊk] 唤起，引起（记忆或感情）

unflattering self-image [ʌnˈflætərɪŋ self ˈɪmɪdʒ] 不讨喜的自我形象，负面的自我形象

per se [pɜː(r) ˈseɪ] 本身，本质上（拉丁语短语）

be liable to [ˈlaɪəbl] 易于…的，有…倾向的

mourn [mɔː(r)n] 哀悼，悼念；惋惜，哀叹

validation [ˌvælɪˈdeɪʃn] 确认，认可，肯定

outward beautification [ˈaʊtwəd ˌbjuːtɪfɪˈkeɪʃn] 外在美化（通过外部手段改善外貌）

stem from [stem frəm] 源于，由…造成

deficit [ˈdefɪsɪt] 缺乏，不足；赤字



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