How do I know when to end a friendship?
Friendship is often said to be eternal, to withstand the test of time and distance. We expect friends to accept everything about us, but it's not always that simple. Just like any relationship, friendships can become complicated and sometimes toxic. Not all friendships are worth keeping, and certain signs can indicate when one is nearing its end.
What does constitute a healthy friendship, then?
Friendships should be a source of joy, support and personal growth. In a healthy friendship, both parties feel valued and respected. One key sign of a healthy friendship is mutual trust and honesty.
Think about that friend who always has your back and who you can share your thoughts with without judgement. Someone you can call after you've had a tough day at work, who won't mind you venting. They listen without interrupting, empathise with your feelings and offer helpful advice. That's a healthy friendship in action.
Are there certain criteria that give away when a friendship is dysfunctional?
Indeed there are, and it's best to learn to trust your intuition in order to spot them. Red flags can include constant negativity, manipulation and a lack of reciprocity. If you find yourself always giving and receiving little in return, it might be time to re-evaluate the friendship. After all, experts say that toxic friendships can increase stress levels and negatively impact mental health.
It's important to note that not every feeling of discomfort should be seen as a red flag. Sometimes those close to us make us uncomfortable because they notice things we don't even see ourselves. They may tell us some home truths in awkward situations, like when we have an abusive partner, a soul-sucking job, or have made bad decisions we just can't admit to.
In other cases, the unease may stem from an imbalance in the friendship. Have you ever been in a friendship where you're the only one making an effort to check in or plan get-togethers?
Another sign of an unequal relationship is when you feel emotionally drained by your friend. Any time spent together leaves you feeling exhausted afterwards. Sometimes we need to learn to recognise when a friendship is more taxing than it is beneficial.
So what should I do if I realise a friendship is complicated and leaving me drained?
If it's a significant friendship, it's worth trying to talk things out. You might assume that if the relationship isn't easy, then it's not worth carrying on with. But why not at least try to resolve it first before making that call? It's crucial to communicate your feelings with your friend. Share your concerns openly and honestly, giving them a chance to understand your perspective.
In some cases, it may be best to distance yourself gradually. Surround yourself with positive influences and invest in other relationships that uplift you.
Remember, it's okay to prioritize your well-being. Sometimes two friends can reconcile, and other times it's best to hug each other, thank each other, and each go your own way. There you have it.
词汇表
eternal [ɪˈtɜːnl] adj. 永恒的，永久的
withstand [wɪðˈstænd] vt. 经受，承受，抵住
toxic [ˈtɒksɪk] adj. 有害的，有毒的，令人极不愉快的
constitute [ˈkɒnstɪtjuːt] vt. 是，被看作，被视为
have one's back 支持某人，为某人撑腰，站在某人这边
vent [vent] v. 发泄，表达，吐露（负面情绪）
empathise with [ˈempəθaɪz] vi. 对…感同身受，产生共鸣，同情
dysfunctional [dɪsˈfʌŋkʃənl] adj. （关系或行为）不正常的，不健康的
intuition [ˌɪntjuˈɪʃn] n. 直觉
red flag 危险信号，警示标志
negativity [ˌneɡəˈtɪvəti] n. 消极态度，负面情绪
manipulation [məˌnɪpjʊˈleɪʃn] n. 操纵，控制
reciprocity [ˌresɪˈprɒsəti] n. 互惠，相互性，对等
home truth 令人不悦的事实，逆耳的忠言
abusive [əˈbjuːsɪv] adj. 虐待的，施暴的；辱骂的
soul-sucking [ˈsəʊl sʌkɪŋ] adj. 令人心力交瘁的，令人精疲力尽的
unease [ʌnˈiːz] n. 不安，忧虑，焦虑
stem from [stem] 源于，来自
check in 联系，问候，关心
get-together n. 聚会，联欢会
emotionally drained [dreɪnd] adj. 情绪耗竭的，情感疲惫的
taxing [ˈtæksɪŋ] adj. 费劲的，耗费精力的
talk things out 把话说开，沟通解决
resolve [rɪˈzɒlv] vt. 解决（问题、冲突等）
make that call 做出决定，做出选择
distance yourself 与…保持距离，疏远
uplift [ʌpˈlɪft] vt. 使振作，使鼓舞
reconcile [ˈrekənsaɪl] vt. 使和解，使和好
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