Why Do We Keep Repeating the Same Mistakes?

One of the strangest and most tantalising ideas in psychotherapy is that of the 'repetition compulsion.' This tells us that, as a result of certain traumas that have not been properly understood and unpicked, we will be inclined to keep putting ourselves back into, and in effect, repeating, difficult situations from the past that run counter to our emotional needs in the present.
心理治疗中最为奇怪和引人入胜的概念之一是“重复强迫”。这告诉我们，由于某些未能得到适当理解和解开的创伤，我们倾向于不断让自己回到（实际上是在重复）过去那些与现在情感需求相悖的困境之中。

So, for example, we may be tempted to keep falling in love with people who make us suffer by being distant or cold, muddled or chaotic. Or we might constantly wind up in jobs where we try to please a tricky boss, but then we're rejected by them and eventually dismissed.
因此，举例来说，我们可能会禁不住反复爱上那些因疏远或冷漠、混乱或无序而让我们痛苦的人。又或者，或者，我们可能会不断落入这样的工作：我们试图取悦刁钻的上司，但却遭到他们的拒绝，最终被解雇。

But there's a nuance here. We are not generally simply hunting out an awful situation and then attempting to repeat the whole of it. What we are doing is trying to find a story familiar enough for us to be drawn to it, and then what we are attempting to do is to give it a different ending.
但这里有一个细微的差别。一般来说，我们并不是简单地寻找一个可怕的情境，然后试图重复它的全部。我们要做的是找到一个熟悉到足以吸引我们的故事，然后我们要做的是给它一个不同的结局。

So, for example, we might want to find someone who is as distant as our mother. But this time, we want to take her to therapy; we want to have long dialogues with her, help her to see her wounds and act as her protector and her guide. Or we want to find the same sort of angry man as our father was, but this time, rather than cowering under the sofa, we want a chance to be able to get to the root of their rage, to appease it and then ensure that they would treat us well.
因此，举例来说，我们可能想找一个和母亲一样疏远的人。但这一次，我们想带她去接受治疗；我们想与她进行长时间的对话，帮助她看清自己的伤口，充当她的保护者和向导。或者，我们想找一个和父亲一样的愤怒的人，但这一次，我们不想再蜷缩在沙发下，而是希望有机会能够找到他们愤怒的根源，安抚他们的愤怒，然后确保他们会善待我们。

We are seeking, in adulthood, for a second chance to rectify a traumatic dynamic that our unavoidable childhood weaknesses meant that we were never originally able to fix. What does it mean to give a story a better ending? It means bringing all the resources of adulthood to bear on the difficulties of an emotionally compromised childhood.
我们在成年后寻求第二次机会，去矫正童年时期因不可避免的弱点而起初无法修复的创伤性关系。给故事一个更好的结局意味着什么？这意味着运用成年期的所有资源去应对情感受损的童年所面临的困难。

This idea of story completion lends us a more hopeful angle to the concept of repeating the past. We aren't merely driven by an urge to suffer; we're being motivated by something much more creative: a desire to identify something in the here and now that is a bit broken like it used to be – and then we have a wish to repair it with our adult strengths in the hope of being able to move on and finally find freedom.
这种故事圆满的想法给我们提供了一个更有希望的视角来看待重复过去的概念。我们不仅仅是被一种受苦的冲动所驱使，我们还被一种更有创造力的东西所激励：我们渴望在此时此地发现一些像过去一样有点残缺的东西——然后我们希望用我们成人的力量来修复它，希望能够继续前进，最终找到自由。

词汇表
tantalising [ˈtæntəˌlaɪzɪŋ] 引人入胜的；诱人的
psychotherapy [ˌsaɪkəʊˈθerəpi] 心理治疗，精神治疗
repetition compulsion [ˌrepəˈtɪʃ(ə)n][kəm'pʌlʃ(ə)n] 重复强迫，强迫性复现症（指个体无意识中重复过去的创伤性事件或行为，通常忽视负面后果  ）
trauma [ˈtrɔːmə]（精神的）创伤，痛苦经历
unpick [ʌn'pɪk] 解开，深入剖析；拆掉（缝线）
be inclined to [ɪn'klaɪnd] 倾向于；想要
run counter to [ˈkaʊntə(r)] 违反，与…背道而驰
distant 疏远的，冷淡的
muddled ['mʌd(ə)ld] 混乱的；糊涂的
chaotic [keɪˈɒtɪk] 混乱的，无秩序的
wind up  [waɪnd]（使自己）陷入，落得
tricky boss ['trɪki] 难以取悦或难以对付的上司
reject [ˈriːdʒekt] 拒绝，排斥，拒收
dismiss [dɪs'mɪs] 解雇，开除，驳回
hunt out 搜寻，找出
attempt to [ə'tempt] 试图，尝试做
be drawn to [drɔːn] 被吸引
cower under the sofa [ˈkaʊə(r)] 蜷缩在沙发下
rage [reɪdʒ] 愤怒，狂怒，狂暴
appease [əˈpiːz] 安抚，平息，缓和
rectify a traumatic dynamic [ˈrektɪfaɪ][trɔːˈmætɪk][daɪ'næmɪk] 矫正创伤性关系
unavoidable weakness [ˌʌnəˈvɔɪdəb(ə)l][ˈwiːknəs]不可避免的弱点
emotionally compromised [ˈkɒmprəmaɪzd] 情感受损的
story completion [kəmˈpliːʃ(ə)n] 故事的圆满
lend an angle 提供一个视角
repair [rɪˈpeə(r)] 修复，弥补（关系）

🌟视频版和pdf见公众号【琐简英语】，回复"1"可进入【打卡交流群】