How to develop superhuman charm



Life isn't fair. Some people just seem blessed with the ability to effortlessly charm anyone they meet. You know the kind of person, the one who can strike up a conversation with a complete stranger and end up with a new friend or business lead. How do they do it?



Well, it might seem like a magical power, but in fact there are a number of factors at work. So, can you learn to develop superhuman charm? The answer is: to a large extent, yes you can.



But first, the bad news. Scientists have found that people initially judge each other based purely on physical appearance. With just a fleeting glimpse of a face, people make snap judgements about each other's likeability, trustworthiness and confidence, according to Alexander Todorov, professor of psychology at Princeton University.



How to counteract this? There's one incredibly simple tool: your smile. Todorov told the BBC that people perceive a smiling face as "more trustworthy, warmer and sociable". It sounds like common sense, doesn't it? Smile and others will smile with you.



What other tricks might we have up our sleeves? Former FBI agent Jack Schafer has been trained in how to influence people. He told BBC Capital: "Our brains are always surveying the environment for friend or foe signals." Three things we can do to signal that we are not a threat are to: raise our eyebrows quickly, tilt our heads slightly, and, once again, to smile.



So we've looked at body language, but of course what you say is hugely important too, unless you want to just stand there grinning foolishly. Here, Schafer recommends that "the golden rule of friendship is if you make people feel good about themselves, they're going to like you." In other words, you need to show interest in them, instead of talking about yourself and all your wonderful achievements. And while you're chatting, remember this: another way of showing interest is to mirror their physical position.



Another way to form a connection? Find common ground. Suzanne de Janasz, a professor of management with Seattle University, says that charming people are particularly adept at seeking out shared interests or experiences to help them build rapport. Simple things like asking where someone's from really can open up a discussion and allow you to find areas in common. And if all else fails, you can fall back on that most British of topics: the weather. Glorious day, isn't it?



词汇表

be blessed with [ˈblesɪd] 有幸拥有，被赋予（某种优势或品质）

effortlessly [ˈefətləsli] 毫不费力地，轻易地

charm [tʃɑːm] 迷住，使着迷，魅力

strike up a conversation [straɪk] 搭话，开始交谈

business lead 商业机会，潜在客户

at work 在起作用，在运转

superhuman charm [ˌsuːpəˈhjuːmən tʃɑːm] 超凡的魅力，非凡的吸引力

to a large extent [ɪkˈstens] 在很大程度上

purely [ˈpjʊəli] 纯粹地，完全地

a fleeting glimpse  [ˈfliːtɪŋ ɡlɪmps] 匆匆一瞥，短暂的窥见

snap judgement [snæp] 快速、草率、仓促的判断

likeability [ˌlaɪkəˈbɪləti] 亲和力，好感度，讨人喜欢

trustworthiness [ˈtrʌstwɜːðinəs] 可信度，可靠性

counteract [ˌkaʊntəˈrækt] 抵消，中和，对抗（不良影响）

trustworthy [ˈtrʌstˌwɜːði] 值得信任的，可靠的

sociable [ˈsəʊʃəbl] 善于社交的，合群的，友善的

common sense 常识，常理

have something up one's sleeve [sliːv] 留有一招，暗藏妙计

FBI agent [ˈeɪdʒənt] 联邦调查局特工

foe [fəʊ] 敌人，仇敌

raise our eyebrows [ˈaɪbraʊz] 扬起眉毛

tilt our heads [tɪlt] 倾斜头部，侧着头，歪着头

grin foolishly [ɡrɪn ˈfuːlɪʃli] 咧嘴傻笑

golden rule [ˈɡəʊldən ruːl] 黄金法则，重要原则

mirror [ˈmɪrə(r)] 模仿，效仿（身体姿势）

common ground 共同点，共识

be adept at [əˈdept] 擅长，精通

rapport [ræˈpɔː(r)] 融洽关系，和谐氛围

fall back on 退而求其次，转而依靠，求助于

glorious day [ˈɡlɔːriəs] 美好的一天，晴朗的一天



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