The Need to Be Alone in a Social World



Because our culture places such a high value on sociability, it can be deeply awkward to have to explain how much – at certain points – we just need to be alone.



We may try to pass off our desire as something work-related: people generally understand a need to finish off a project. But in truth, it's a far less respectable and far more profound desire that may be driving us on: unless we are alone, we feel at risk of forgetting who we are.



We, the ones who are asphyxiated without periods by ourselves, take other people very seriously – perhaps more seriously than those in the uncomplicated ranks of the endlessly gregarious. We listen closely to stories, we give ourselves to others, we respond with emotion and empathy. But as a result, we cannot keep swimming in company indefinitely.



At a certain point, we have had enough of conversations that take us away from our own thought processes, enough of external demands that stop us heeding our inner tremors, enough of the pressure for superficial cheerfulness that denies the legitimacy of our latent inner melancholy – and enough of robust common-sense that flattens our peculiarities and less well-charted appetites.



We need to be alone because life among other people unfolds too quickly. The pace is relentless: the jokes, the insights, the excitements. There can sometimes be enough in five minutes of social life to take up an hour of analysis. It's a quirk of our minds that not every emotion that impacts us is at once fully acknowledged, understood or even – as it were – truly felt. After time among other people, there are a myriad of sensations that exist in an 'unprocessed' form within us.



Perhaps an idea that someone raised made us anxious, prompting vague impulses for changes in our lives. Perhaps an anecdote sparked off an envious ambition that's worth decoding and listening to in order to grow. Maybe someone subtly fired an aggressive dart at us, and we haven't had the chance to realise we are hurt.



We need some quiet time to console ourselves by formulating an explanation of where the nastiness might have come from. We are far more vulnerable and tender-skinned than we're encouraged to imagine.



By retreating into ourselves, it looks as if we are the enemies of other people, but our solitary moments are, in reality, a homage to the richness of social existence. Unless we've had time alone, we can't be who we would like to be around our fellow humans. We won't have original opinions. We won't have lively and authentic perspectives. We'll be – in the wrong way – a bit like everyone else.



We're drawn to solitude not because we despise humanity but because we are properly responsive to what the company of others entails. Extensive stretches of being alone may, in reality, be a precondition for knowing how to be a better friend and a properly attentive companion.



词汇表

sociability [ˌsəʊʃəˈbɪləti] 社交性，社交能力，好交际

pass off as 把…伪装成，冒充为

asphyxiate [ˈæsfɪksieɪt] 使窒息，使闷死

uncomplicated ranks 容易的群体（这里指社交中轻松自如的人 ）

gregarious [ɡrɪˈɡeəriəs] 爱交际的，合群的

empathy [ˈempəθi] 同理心，共情  

indefinitely [ɪnˈdefɪnətli] 无限期地；不确定地  

heed [hiːd] 注意，留心  

tremor [ˈtremə(r)] （身体或声音的）颤抖

legitimacy [lɪˈdʒɪtɪməsi] 合法性，合理性  

latent [ˈleɪtnt] 潜在的，潜伏的

melancholy [ˈmelənkəli] 忧郁，悲伤  

robust [rəʊˈbʌst] （观点等）强硬的，强有力的

flatten ['flæt(ə)n] 摧毁，抹杀；弄平

peculiarity [pɪˌkjuːliˈærəti] 特点，特性；古怪，怪癖

well-charted appetites [tʃɑːtɪd ˈæpɪtaɪts] 被充分探索的渴望

unfold [ʌnˈfəʊld] 展开，发展，呈现

relentless [rɪˈlentləs] 不间断的，持续强烈的

quirk [kwɜː(r)k] 怪异之处，怪癖，怪事

a myriad of [ˈmɪriəd] 无数的，大量的  

sensation [senˈseɪʃn] 感觉，感受；知觉  

unprocessed [ˌʌnˈprəʊsest] 未处理的；未加工的

vague impulses [veɪɡ ˈɪmpʌlsɪz] 模糊的冲动，隐约的念头  

anecdote [ˈænɪkdəʊt] 趣闻，轶事，传闻

spark off [spɑːk] 引发，触发  

decode [ˌdiːˈkəʊd] 揣摩，解读；解码

fire an aggressive dart at [əˈɡresɪv dɑːt] 向…发起猛烈攻击，强烈抨击

console [kənˈsəʊl] 安慰，抚慰

nastiness [ˈnɑːstinəs] 恶意，不友善的行为

tender-skinned [ˈtendə(r) skɪnd] 敏感的，娇嫩的；脸皮薄的

retreat into oneself [rɪˈtriːt] 躲进内心世界；退隐，离群索居

solitary [ˈsɒlətri] 独处的，独居的；孤独的

homage [ˈhɒmɪdʒ] 敬意，崇敬  

solitude [ˈsɒlɪtjuːd] 独处，独居；孤独  

responsive [rɪˈspɒnsɪv] 反应迅速的，积极反应的

entail [ɪn'teɪl] 需要，牵涉，使必要

extensive stretches of [ɪkˈstensɪv stretʃɪz] 长时间的；大面积的

precondition [ˌpriːkənˈdɪʃn] 先决条件，前提  

attentive [əˈtentɪv] 体贴的，留心的



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