How can we express ourselves when no one is listening?



A general principle of mental health is that the less we are able to express, the more unwell we get. It's when we have to stifle our rage, sadness, or fear that we start to develop secondary symptoms – sleeplessness, paranoia, bitterness, poor digestion – just as our spirits can lighten and our horizons expand once we can find a way to lend outward form to our pains.



However, the problem is often one of occasions. We may in theory be ready to say and feel all sorts of things, but our outward circumstances may be highly unconducive to free expression. Perhaps the person we'd like to say something to is dead or they may – just as problematically– be distracted, fragile or frightening. We then make the error of imagining that there can be no point in speaking – and on this basis stifle our emotions to our increasing cost.



But this is to miss out on an unexpected quirk of our psyches. What may matter most in many situations is not, as we might think, that the person we need to speak to is actually able to hear what we have to say; but rather that we have a proper, in-depth chance to say it any way.



There can be as much benefit in shouting our feelings to a deserted beach, a large pillow or an empty chair as there would be in having a lengthy dialogue with an intimidating parent or an obtuse lover.



The best technique in this tradition may be to write a letter that we never send (either because the person in question is no longer alive or because we just have no expectation that what we write could remotely be understood).



The discipline of writing a long letter has the effect of galvanising our hitherto confused and disparate emotions and forces our intelligence to lay out our story in a systematic and emotionally logical way.



As we write, we turn what might have been an inchoate sob into something intelligible, plausible, compassion-inducing and moving. We go from 'I hate you so much…' or 'Why why why' to a full recap of how we felt, why we suffered and what the legacy of our injury has been.



We can be like a grown-up lawyer making a case in a courtroom of adults on behalf of a frightened or muddled child. We can take our absent reader into the details of a story that they refused to see existed and may have done their best to silence.



We are giving ourselves an opportunity to feel legitimate in our own eyes. We may realise that the real audience we needed all along was ourselves, because the real sceptic we need to win over and explain our full story to is chiefly and crucially always ourselves.



词汇表

unwell [ʌnˈwel] 不舒服的，身体不适的，生病的

stifle [ˈstaɪfl] 压抑，抑制；扼杀；使窒息

rage [reɪdʒ] 愤怒，暴怒，狂怒

secondary [ˈsekəndri] （疾病、感染等）继发性的，间接的

paranoia [ˌpærəˈnɔɪə] 偏执狂，妄想症

bitterness [ˈbɪtənəs] 怨恨，苦涩，辛酸

poor digestion [dɪˈdʒestʃən] 消化不良

lend outward form [ˈaʊtwəd] 赋予外在形式，以外在形式（表达出来）

be unconducive to [ˌʌnkənˈdjuːsɪv] 不利于，无助于

problematically [ˌprɒbləˈmætɪkli] 有问题地，成问题地

distracted [dɪˈstræktɪd] 心烦意乱的，心不在焉的，分心的

fragile [ˈfrædʒaɪl] 脆弱的，易碎的

quirk [kwɜːk] 怪癖，古怪之处

psyche [ˈsaɪki] 心灵，心理，精神

in-depth [ˌɪn ˈdepθ] 深入的，彻底的

deserted [dɪˈzɜːtɪd] 荒芜的，空无一人的，空旷的

lengthy [ˈleŋθi] 漫长的，冗长的

intimidating [ɪnˈtɪmɪdeɪtɪŋ] 令人胆怯的，令人生畏的，吓人的

obtuse [əbˈtjuːs] 迟钝的，愚笨的

person in question 当事人，涉及到的人

remotely [rɪˈməʊtli] 丝毫，根本（用于强调否定）

galvanise [ˈɡælvənaɪz] 激发，激励，刺激

hitherto [ˌhɪðəˈtuː] 迄今为止，到目前为止

disparate [ˈdɪspərət] 不同的，不相干的

inchoate [ɪnˈkəʊeɪt] 模糊不清的，刚开始的，未充分发展的

sob [sɒb] 呜咽，啜泣

intelligible [ɪnˈtelɪdʒəbl] 可理解的，明白易懂的

plausible [ˈplɔːzəbl] 合理的，可信的

compassion-inducing [kəmˈpæʃn ɪnˈdjuːsɪŋ] 引人同情的，唤起同情的

recap [ˈriːkæp] 概括，回顾，总结

legacy [ˈleɡəsi] 遗留问题，遗留痕迹，后遗症

grown-up [ˌɡrəʊn ˈʌp] 成熟的，成年的；成年人

courtroom [ˈkɔːtruːm] 法庭，审判室

muddled [ˈmʌd(ə)ld] 混乱的，糊涂的，困惑的

legitimate [lɪˈdʒɪtɪmət] 合理的，正当的

sceptic [ˈskeptɪk] 怀疑者，怀疑论者



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