Hi everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Talk with Tara. Today we're talking about love. So I've been asked this question from time to time. Tara, how do you know that you're with the right person? And I gotta say, that's a very solid question. How do you know that you're with the right person? And I find it especially difficult when you are still at an early stage of a relationship because at this stage of the relationship, you feel everything is so refreshing and new. You're still at this honeymoon phase and your brain just releases a lot of dopamine and you are enjoying this dopamine rush. You're letting it taking you to the moon, and you feel like you are walking on the cloud. You are excited and stoked, and you feel like you have butterflies in your stomach, you're so smitten with this person, and then you tend to let this dopamine rush override or cloud your judgment. At this stage of a relationship, you have to be really careful and try really hard not to romanticize the relationship. You have to be able to differentiate the reality of, oh, am I really, really in love with this person for who they are? Or am I just loving love? You know what I mean, Loving the feeling of love. Is this person the right person for me? Is this person a good fit for me? Are we compatible? You have to keep asking yourself that question. Because at this stage, the sunk cost is not that high yet, and the tricky part is it is harder to find problems in the beginning because at the start of a relationship, people try really hard to hide their messy and dark sides. They always try to put their best foot forward to impress their partner. So they always mask, um, their behavior and it's really hard to find problems. That's when you really need to pay attention to details. You have to pay a lot of attention to the way they treat people, not just you, to everybody around them. Do they treat people equally? And how do they behave in tough situations like when things don't go their ways or when you have a disagreement, do they stil stay cool and respectful, or do they lose their minds and just go crazy and start yelling at you? Right? And do they listen to you like wholeheartedly and actively? Which is another thing I really want to emphasize on, that is to really show interest in you. Pay attention to the things you say. I remember this one time I went on a date. That was many, many years ago before I got married, of course. I went on a date with this guy. Um, he was really, he was a really nice guy, very polite and everything, very friendly and smiley and, um, but the problem was throughout the whole night he was just, you know, kept rambling on and on talking about himself without asking one single question about me. He didn't show any interest in me. And he didn't ask me things like, oh, so what are your hobbies? Where do you go after work, and what's your take on this issue. What do you think about that? Like he wasn't interested in who I am, what I love to do, what my inner world was like at all. So that was enough of a good sign of, this person is not the right person for you. And then funny enough, after that date, he wanted to have a second date with me. Of course, he, his ego was so inflated. I was all night listening to him. Of course, he felt really good about himself in front of me, and he felt really good about me because I'm such a listener, right? So he wanted to have the second date. Can you guess what I said? Of course. I said, no, no, no more dates because you are not the right person for me. You love yourself too much. You wouldn't have any room for loving somebody else for me. One of the signs of yes you are with the right person is you can be truly 100% you yourself, and you feel completely relaxed and comfortable, and safe. When you are with this person, you don't need to hide who you are. You don't need to pretend you're another person. You don't need to mask who you are and you are not afraid to let this person see you, the dark sides of you to show your vulnerability and you, you can be truly yourself. That's a very important thing. When you are with a wrong person, you will know it because you will all the time feeling awkward and. Uncomfortable. You can't be your authentic self. You are all the time hiding your true thoughts and ideas. You cannot let this person know who you really are, what you're really thinking, and your all time worrying of losing this person. Once they find out who you really are, and trust me, it's exhausting to pretend to be somebody else, especially in the long run. You cannot do that. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel loved. Supported and enough, you will feel like my person loves me for who I am, and I'm enough. For this person. 完整文稿： 通过网盘分享的文件：Tara小宇宙播客文稿 链接: https://pan.baidu.com/s/1ewVYOgptpG7VL53oid5lNg 提取码: Tara --来自百度网盘超级会员v7的分享

1. "girlie(s)." In Urban Dictionary, "girlies" can refer to a few different things. Most commonly, it's used to describe women or girls, often in a friendly or playful way. 有点像中文的铝孩纸， It can also be used to refer to "the women in my group," You can call yourself too, “I’m such a healthy smoothie girlie”… 2. Next up, “Chad.” Chad originally is a name. “He walked in late, no notes, gave a flawless presentation, and left early. Total Chad move.” “He ghosted her after two dates and bragged about it to his boys. Classic Chad move." "The Chad at the bar just cut the whole line because he 'knows the owner.'油腻猛男，直男癌 3. Now, onto “Karen.” 事儿妈，女杠精 A “Karen” is the stereotype of a demanding, entitled woman — usually middle-aged — who insists on “speaking to the manager,” causes a scene in public, or complains in a way that feels unfair or privileged. “She called the police because the neighbors were having a barbecue? That’s peak Karen behavior.” 4. “It’s giving...” This one is everywhere. “It’s giving” is basically a way to describe the vibe something gives off. It’s a shorthand for “This reminds me of…” or “This has the energy of…” For example: "That outfit? It’s giving 90s supermodel." Or: "This rainy weather is giving sad indie movie." 5. And then, we’ve got: “Gives me the ick.” When you say something “gives you the ick,” you're talking about something that turns you off, often suddenly and irrationally. 下头 6. Next, "I can't even" “Did you see that cat wearing sunglasses and riding a Roomba? I can’t even.” And yes, you can stop at just “I can’t.” Gen Z loves a good sentence fragment. 我不行了，忍不了了，我快笑死了，太恶了，太可爱太萌了（受不了） 7. It’s the ___ for me A way to point out or roast a specific trait or behavior someone has — either to hype them up or (often) tease them. o “It’s the fake laugh for me.” o “It’s the way you still text with a dot at the end... for me.” 最戳我的是____” / “就冲你这点我不行了” 8. "Delulu" It’s short for “delusional,” but in the funniest, cutest way possible. “She thinks her barista is secretly in love with her. She's so delulu — but like, in an adorable way.” 疯癫，自我催眠，好会脑补 9. "Soft launch" & "Hard launch" A soft launch is when you post a hint that you're dating someone. For exmaple: A blurry picture of two drinks on a table. A photo of someone’s hand, but no face. Caption: “Nice view today ” Meanwhile, a hard launch is when you drop the full thing: Couple picture, arm around the waist, maybe even a kiss. Boom. Insta-official. 10. Next one "Demure" Now for something a little classy , you say “demure.” “She wore a demure little dress and then tried outdrink everyone there.” “I like your outfit today. Very cutesy, very demure.” 11. And then we have: "Ship" 磕CP To “ship” two people means you want them to be together — romantically. It comes from “relationship.” “I totally ship them. They’d be such a power couple.” 12. "Cap" / "No cap" This one’s slang for lying or truth. If someone says “That’s cap,” they mean “That’s a lie.” If they say “No cap,” they mean “I’m serious.” “He said he met Beyoncé in an elevator.” “That’s cap.” “No cap, I really did — okay, maybe it was a wax figure.”

全字幕链接： 通过网盘分享的文件：Tara小宇宙播客文稿 链接: https://pan.baidu.com/s/1n7WXIW0Qu7TGamo2NM6FVg?pwd=Tara 提取码: Tara

（详细文稿请见置顶评论） 大纲： 1. The Power of Input: Building Vocabulary in Your Target Language 2. Finding Engaging and Emotional Voices 3. Paying Attention to “Set Phrases and Natural Expressions” 4. The Importance of Output: Talking to Yourself

First off, when you live in different places, you're constantly being exposed to new ideas, new cultures, and new ways of doing things. It forces you out of your bubble. Whether you realize it or not, your brain starts making these connections between the familiar and the unfamiliar, and you become moreadaptable as a result. You learn to navigate new systems, new social cues, even new ways of thinking. You’re stretching yourself to feel comfortable in a new place and new situation. And another huge part of living or traveling in a new place? Meeting new people.When you start conversations with people from different backgrounds andcultures, it’s humbling. You realize how vast the world is and how many incredible people there are, each with their own unique life stories and perspectives. It makes you think, "Wow, there's so much I don’tknow." You stop assuming that your way of living or thinking is the only way, or even the best way. You meet people who have overcome challenges, pursued dreams in completely different environments, or simply lived lives that you never would have imagined. And that changes you. Naturally,you just want to learn from them, to soak up their wisdom and experiences,become a better version of yourself. The more you talk to people who have livedin different places, the more you appreciate the diversity of human experience. You also pick up little things along the way, like conversation skills. Livingabroad or in different cities teaches you how to break the ice, how to engagein small talk, and how to genuinely connect with someone new. I’velearned to ask questions like, “What brought you to Canada?” or “Tell me moreabout your story.” These kinds of questions open the door to deeperconversations and connections. And when you’re truly interested in someone’slife, they sense that, and the conversation becomes so much more meaningful. Now let’s talk about people who are obsessed with staying put. Why do people who’venever moved tend to be more stubborn, inflexible, or even self-centered? Well, when you’re surrounded by the same people, the same ideas, and the same routines year after year, it’s easy to believe that your way of life is the best. You start to think, “This is how things should be,” without ever questioningwhether there might be other ways to approach life. In a sense, people who stay in one place too long often stop being curious about the outside world. It’s not that they’re bad people, they just don’t have any reference. For them, the idea that there could be different, maybe even better ways to live, work, or socialize is almost foreign. They become protective of their routines and their belief systems because it’s all they know. And when something challenges that, it’s easier to ignore, dismiss it than to engage with it. Take my husband’s cuadrilla, for example. They’ve lived in Bilbao their whole lives.They have their routines, their inside jokes, and their way of doing things. So,when we talk about Canada, or the differences in culture or lifestyle, it’slike talking about something not part of their world, so why should they care?But here’s the thing, it’s not that they don’t care because they’re rude oruninterested. It’s because they’ve never had to confront the idea that theirway of life isn’t universal. It’s never been challenged, so why would they becurious? Living abroad or moving around gives you something invaluable/ priceless: perspective.It teaches you that the way you were raised, or the way you’ve always done things, is not the only way. You start to see the strengths and weaknesses indifferent cultures, different societies, and different ways of living. And that makes you less judgmental and more understanding of other people. Another thing I would like to mention here, we need to keep in mind that personal growth happens when you’re uncomfortable. When you’re pushed out of your comfort zone and forced to adapt. That’s when you learn the most about yourself and the world around you. If you never leave your comfort zone, you never really have to grow. And here’s the thing, if you don’t have the resources (AKA money) to travel or move to another country right now, it doesn’t mean you can’t experience growth.Getting out of your comfort zone doesn’t always have to be physically changing locations. It can be about pushing yourself out of your bubble. You can start by trying new things, even in your own city or town. Maybe it’s about exploring a different neighborhood, trying a new type of cuisine, or striking up a conversation with someone you wouldn’t normally talk to. You’d be surprised how much just trying something new can change your perspective. It could be as simple as taking up a new hobby, signing up for a class that pushesyou out of your usual interests, or even just reading books or watching films from cultures different from your own.

The video blew up on social media and went viral. Netizen were divided, many people were furious, outraged, like me. And many people, especially young people in their 20s were rooting for the two evil women, saying that the little girl needed to be educated. To be honest, I’m not surprised to see the division, and that’s actually the topic that I would like dig deeper and talk about today. It's interesting to see this growing "anti-child" culture in our society.It seems like more and more people are openly expressing their dislike or even hatred of children, and it feels almost socially acceptable. And I’ve been thinking, why? Why do people hate kids. In some ways, I think this culture is the by-product of the One-Child Policy in China. Growing up under that policy, many of us were raised as the only child in the family. We didn’t have siblings to compete with orcare for, and that shaped our attitudes toward young children. We are more used to getting our own way, having our personal space, and not having to make compromises. And that’s when we started developing this expectation, that the world would cater to us, not the other way around. As a result, I think many of us have developed a very low tolerance for anything that disrupts our comfort and convenience. And children,especially toddlers, by nature, they're loud, they're messy, they're unpredictable. They need constant attention. And guess what, it’s not their fault. They’re wired in this way so that they can get the attention, love and care from their caregivers, so that they can survive. And guess what, you and Iand everybody, we’ve been like that when we were little. So, for people who grew up without siblings, who maybe never learned what it is like to share space or deal with constant noise, this can be overwhelming. I get it. But,please, think twice before you start giving a nasty look to their parents, before you shush the kid. How can you expect a young child behave like a decent adult? Think about how old they are, are they still a toddler? Are their parents already trying their best to calm them down? For me, the key factors I will take into consideration are, how old is the child and their parent’s attitude. I draw the age line at around 3, 4 years old, because before that,toddlers can’t even rationalize their own emotions and feelings, they can’t put their feelings into words, let alone regulate their emotions. And also, for me,if the parents are trying their best to guide and model their children, I will just suck it up. What else can you do, grab the kid and beat them up? Like thet wo evil women in the video? That’s abuse, that’s illegal. And here’s the thing: in a society that increasingly values individualism and personal freedom, people start to feel entitled to their dislike of children. It’s almost as if some people see their aversion to kids as something cool and applaudable. It becomes easy to justify this dislike because children are vulnerable, easy targets. Imagine, if it was an adult male who made a scene in public and disturbed these two women, would they still have the courage to drag the man to the side and start threatening him? I’m the sure they wouldn’t. Because they are bullies. They only dare to pick on a young child and an old lady. In the comments, you can even see some highly educated individuals, people who have spent years studying, thinking critically, and supposedly broadening their understanding of the world, still failed to see through this anti-child sentiment. Many of them proudly announced their dislike of children, perhaps thinking that it makes them appear more edgy, cool or modern. But in reality, this mindset is wrong, is toxic, and it overlooks things like, what it means to live in a community and contribute to the greater good of the society. Education should be about more than just acquiring knowledge; it should be about developing empathy and understanding different groups of people and societal structures. And yet, even those with the highest levels of education can’t see the consequences of their attitudes toward children. They may see their aversion to kids as a personal choice, but the truth is, it’s a reflection of deeper cultural biases. It’s sad because sometimes, the smallest gestures can make a huge difference. A simple smile or a kind word can go a long way in helping parents who are struggling to manage their children in public spaces. Parents often feel overwhelmed and isolated, and just knowing that someone else seesthem and understands can help them navigate those difficult moments. We’re all part of this larger community, and children aren’t just their parents’responsibility; they’re the future of our society. Even if you decide not to have children ever in your life,still, we need to support each other, to understand each other. Because at the end of the day, we all need people.

今天的视频我回顾了自己在伦敦、加拿大Ontario以及西班牙三个国家的交友历史。给大家梳理了一下我在不同年龄段、语言大环境、婚姻状况下的交友策略。分享了很多实用的思路以及需要避免的错误思维意识。一起来听听吧！ 今天的视频完全是无准备、无提纲、无草稿纯唠。字幕可以在视频版看到（视频编辑软件自动识别）。感兴趣的宝子们可以去我的 Wei~~~ bo~~/ 小~red~ book 账号去查看视频版（名称：张延Tara）以及字幕。

Before you know, it is 2024 God I feel really old. In the past few days I've been hearing people talking about hashtag new year new me， New Year’s resolutions, things like that. You know, the same old same old. And some people are really fed up with seeing things like this because they would argue that, it's just another day, just another year, It is just a number, and what's more important is to be able to, seize every day, soak up the present, live in the moment. I totally get it because personally I'm such a live-in-the-moment,enjoy-the-present, hardworking type of person, I'm not a dreamer or talker, I'm a doer. So I’m all for that. But at the same time, I would like to embrace a bit of a sense of ritual and welcome the chance to hit the restart button. I DO agree that life is so short and so fast-paced, and time really flies, so savoring and enjoying every second, making every second count, is so crucial, but yet, there's something about New Year, about this transition from one year to another, that is still very special. It's about giving yourself a chance to reflect, to look back, and also have the opportunity to wipe the slate clean and start over, you know,just like I said hit the reset button. And those resolutions people make that some people are sosick of, they are like little cute promises that people make or and pep talks people give to themselves, it's a way for people to learn from the past and steer their ships towards the future, a better and brighter future. So, what's wrong with being a little optimistic? And if you think about it, celebrating the start of a newyear it's like a universal thing, it's a global thing everybody does. No matter what country, region or culture you're from, people set off fireworks and celebrate,clink their wine glasses together, enjoy the food and exchange gifts, it's likethis big celebration, big party worldwide. and to be honest, rituals like this really connect people together. It reminds us that we are all in this ride together. We are special and beautiful, but we are also small, humble and united in this world. So yeah, as we dive into the new year, let's try to enjoy the now, but also have a little fun with the traditions. Don’t be so picky, harsh and bitter towards other people. Let them have their fun! I wish you a happy happy New Year, a new year that is all about joy, growth and making each moment count. cheers to that!

I knowthat I have disappeared for almost 2 months. Let me explain! I took a socialmedia break in august because I was pretty sick during that month. I think itwas COVID again, but I couldn’t be bothered to take a test. And then, one ofthe symptoms was pinky eyes, so I was wearing my frame glasses almost the wholetime and feeling extremely lazy to put on contact lenses and sitting in front of the camera. So, I took a break. Spending a lot of time with my family andfriends, taking care of my two-yr-old son, yes I’m a mom, and watching him growso fast in front of my very own eyes. It really humbles me down to see how fasta tiny little human being can grow….But it doesn’t just stop there. To behonest I've been having this social media influencer crisis for quite some timeand I think it was the right thing to do to take a breather and focus on me.every day, when I get on social media I'm bombarded with all kinds of newcontent, new ideas, new out-of-the-box video editing style, the grind justnever ends. I feel literally that I’mtrapped in a rat race. Before I took the break, I felt anxious, discouraged,unconfident, and had very low self-esteem sometimes, I felt that I didn’t havethe time, the energy or the right mind space to compete in this field as ahectic working mom. and to be honest, I always feel very proud of myself in thesense that I don't follow the mainstream, I don’t see myself as a person who lovesfollowing people and jumping on the bandwagon without thinking it through. I’mnot a full-time influencer, my primary job is a teacher. And I'm doing a fantastic job, getting a lotof students every month, being recognized by more and more people, I reallydon't have to burn myself out in this realm of social media. The reason why I starteddoing it in the first place was that I love and enjoy that connection with myfollowers and I hope I can do my part to create some useful, helpful andhopefully inspiring content for people I care about, and have somewhat a voicein today’s world. But Iknow I should stop when it starts to take a toll on my mental health. Andthat’s why I took a pause. And to be completely candid, it really felt good. Itwas like this massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I had enoughthings on my plate, and it felt great to have one thing less in my life. Socialmedia used to be such a big chunk in my life. And thenfast forward to September, the IELTS new season came, dun dun dun. as you allknow, the questions and topics in IELTS speaking test get renewed every 4months. In Jan, May and Sep, hundreds of new questions will fly in. And as anIELST teacher who focuses on speaking test, every 4 months, I need to stay inthis almost like a mental jail, keep outputting, just type, type and typematerials, all the sample answers, different versions of answers for mystudents. every season, I will have this 140,000 words written for them toprepare for the speaking test. Let me show you what I wrote in September, it’smy baby: For part1 section, almost under each topic, first I wrote some general expressions andknowledge related to the topic, and then you have the specific questions, andthat’s when you can see that I prepared multiple versions of answers cateringto different needs, preferences and personalities. Look atthis part 2+3 document, I wrote, general knowledge and expressions, the wholepart 2 material, I made sure I’ve used the expressions that I provided in thebeginning, and showcased how you use them in an organic way. And then, there’spart 3, I made sure I wrote my answers looooong enough so my students can pickout different insights, ideas and expressions from different parts. I alsoconsciously and purposefully used the “thought tools” that I teach in class todemonstrate how relatively easier it can be to answer part 3 questions once youhave the right tools in your hand. AND THEN,this part is incredible, I make sure that I go through each answer in mycourse. It’s insane. It’s 140,000 words. I spend hours and hours in my livestreaming classes, but those hours wouldn’t be able to cover all the topics,and that’s why I also record some extra video classes for my students, I’mtalking about 10-hour video classes just to go through everything. Not tomention, I also have other video classes teaching pronunciation, strategies,techniques, thought tools and all that jazz. I knowthis sounds surreal but that's how I believe teaching English should be like.I'm trying to give my students all that I can offer. and based on all theseyears of teaching, I’ve gradually changed my way of teaching 180, from focusingon techniques to emphasizing on the real content, the expressions, the way oftalking. I realize that what my students or Chinese students in general need isnot more strategies, more techniques more thought tools, but more references,more content, more things to talk about, the natural expressions the idiomaticway of talking.

今天坐在公园里，听着鸟叫声，咱们坐在长凳上聊聊天…… 我发现组局的要点是，先自己定好时间和地点，然后再叫人，能来就来不能来拉倒。 我犯下的“致命错误”就是先邀请人，再一起商量细节。太多自由（democracy)代表带多七嘴八舌，半天不能落地。还是要强行替大家做决定！！！！

学习曲线。表示学什么技能，开头阶段都会比较难。容易受挫，觉得气馁，自信心不足。但慢慢就会越来越上手(get the hang of it)，之后就觉得很自信，自己真的有天赋(have the knack for something) I’ve been on a steep learning curve. The learning curve of cooking is steep. Cooking has a steep learning curve. There’s always a bit of a learning curve for everything. I have faith in you. You got this gal!